Wednesday, February 10, 2010

baby #2

so we had a meeting with our RE yesterday to discuss the making of baby #2. here's the gist:

1. i have to stop breastfeeding/pumping
2. i have to have 2 periods (my period has yet to make an appearance)
3. i have to have the basic blood/levels testing along with an SHG ::cringe::
4. we've got 5 frozen embryos left (2 from IVF#1 & 3 from IVF#2)
5. once all of the above is done- we'll go ahead with an FET & transfer 2 embryos

doesn't sound so bad, right? well i guess it's really not, except for the weaning part. in order to go forward with an FET i can no longer be breastfeeding (something to do with levels & uterine lining & etc)
i figured this & prepared myself mentally for it- but it still kind of sucks. besides the fact that it HURTS LIKE A BITCH, it's also somewhat of a mindfuck.

for example: i was doing my midday pump & i had to stop myself after getting 7 oz from each side. as i was sitting there looking at my un-emptied breasts i teared up. THERE'S STILL MILK IN THERE & IT BELONGS TO ALEX!!! WHY CAN'T SHE HAVE IT!?

ugh. it sucks- so many women get pregnant while breastfeeding. they go through their pregnancy & naturally wean their children before the new kid arrives- but i don't get that option. because making babies in this house requires needle sticks, thousands of dollars, lots of tears, dildo cams, miles of driving, time off of work, lots of BFN's & etc etc etc. it's not fair. but it's life.

so as i shut off the pump & pulled my nursing tank back over my still aching breasts- i sucked it up. we want another child so this is my reality. i will suffer- but it kills me that alex has to "suffer" for it too. she should get to drink breastmilk until she's done- until she weans herself- but she can't, because her father & i are broken. suck suck suck.

now- it's not like she's cut off right away. i've got a chest freezer with over 3,000 oz of frozen milk and i've given myself till the end of this month to actually "wean"- so she'll have breastmilk for quite awhile- but still. i'm going to have to supplement at some point- that's obvious.

but anyway- so now i sit here @ 3:30pm and my girls are SCREAMING! this is my usual pumping schedule/output:

-pump 3x per day (4am, 12pm & 8pm)
-20-22 oz per session
-60 oz per day

but since i'm trying to dry up, i'm still pumping 3x per day but instead of letting myself empty out- i stop @ 7 oz. do you have any idea how much this sucks? that leaves almost 5oz in each breast & within a few hours i'm already engorged once again. and today is only DAY 1 of operation wean. dear Lord.

eventually i'll have to go down to 2 pumping sessions- and then 1- and then none. NONE! this is really weird because for the past 4 months, pumping has been my life. literally- i pump & pump & pump. it makes me giddy to watch the bottles fill with milk & open the door to a full freezer. GIDDY! and now it's almost over. my boobs will no longer be what keeps her alive & it's like closing a chapter to her infant life. i don't like it.

but as i said- reality. this is it. so i'll do what i have to do.
i'm pretty sure i'm going to wind up bitching about clogged ducts & ruined shirts- but maybe you could all cross your fingers that i won't have to. please Lord- no more clogged ducts!!!!

so there you have it. if all goes according to plan (which it will) then we'll be scheduling our FET for sometime in April/May & PRAYING that it works. because if it doesn't then we're out $5k and then we'll have to be in $15k for a fresh IVF#3.

so yeah- fun, no? oh, and if anyone has tips on weaning, i'm all ears!!!
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Tabitha said...

No tips for weaning, but congradulations! I'm so excited for you, I may be doing my fourth IVF (how crazy is that?!?) the same time your doing your FET!

CLML said...

If you plan on weaning over a month period--I think you can probably pump more than 7 oz to really let your boobs get use to the supply adjustment. I weaned over a 2 week period, got engorged, it went down, got re-engorged in my left boob, got mastitis in said boob, and then with meds they finally went back to "normal." I think I have a blog post about it somehere.

I was pumping 5x a day and I was dropping a pumping and increasing times between pumps every 3 days or so. My output was about 7oz per session.

Jennifer said...

You are a pumping champion! Good luck with preparing for the FET. I'll be praying that it works the first time. oh and Tab, I haven't logged onto your page today. I am sorry to hear you're moving onto #4..xo

My open roads said...

how come you have to get the becoming preggo process started again, seems like you JUST had your baby? :) my goodness, I tell you, my baby will soon be 1 year old and I'm seriously nowhere near physically and mentally ready to be preggo again, I'm so tired... and still breastfeeding! You are tough!
Good luck with everything! Let us know how the weaning goes, I'll be in the same boat soon, but not yet.

A Baby Peach said...

I am curious, too. Is there a reason you have to do it right now? You're fairly young, like me, so I am not sure the time aspect is an issue for you or not, but is there a reason you don't want to wait until Alex is a little older (maybe at least 1?) so she can stop breastfeeding and then you can do baby#2? I'm sure you have your reasons, I was just curious as well since it seems like you're not all that excited to wean, which I don't blame you.

Saffy said...

3,000oz??? Did I read that right? OMG that's amazing. Lucky lucky little petal.

I just weaned this past weekend. I tried to do it too fast and it REALLY hurt. So I dropped my expressing sessions down and it quickly got less sore. I'm pretty sad about it too. I get where you're at.

t.bird said...

tabitha! i need to e-mail you for access!!! i've been meaning to because i can't keep up now :) and IVF#4- argh- i'm sorry but excited for you too! the 4th time was a charm for us :)

CLML- i'll look up your weaning post- i've got about 3 weeks sooo we shall see. i'm dreading mastitis!!!

thank you jenn :)

MOR & Peach: basically we always wanted the kids close together- so our plan was always to start treatment asap- but i really didn't think about the while weaning thing- i figured i could just continue to bf while doing an FET- but alas.
anyway- we have a couple reasons for doing it now as opposed to later:
1. it took us 4 tries to get here (almost 2 years) and if that's the case again we'd like to start sooner than later
2. we pay over $1200 a year to store our embryos- eh. that $400 bill every 3 month sucks!

and that's kinda it i guess. peach, you're right. i TOTALLY don't want to wean- i love being able to provide her more than enough bm but..::sigh::

i have enough to get her to at least 7 months on straight up bm- so i'm going to do what i can to stretch it (maybe 50/50 on formula/bm) to see if i can at least get her to 9/10 months or even more.

it's def something i'm bummed about now- but in the long run i think this is the best decision for us now :)

Leah said...

You are one lucky girl to have that much breast milk. I fought and fought and could never pump more than 1 ounce combined. Needless to say, I wasn't able to breastfeed.

Just curious about there a specific reason that you are moving ahead with #2 right now?

ajvann said...

Good lord that is a lot of milk! You are a lucky little breast feeding mama! Good luck with number two. I hope to be right behind you! Looking foward to hearing your FET story.

A Baby Peach said...

That all makes it much more clear and more sense, thanks for the info :) I agree, storing IS expensive! Ouch! I hope you get lucky on the first try this time :) It sounds like you're doing the right thing. She'll be okay and you will be okay (well your boobs might be mad for a bit, hope it's not too hard!)

Leigh said...

I am amazed that you two have the ENERGY to think of having more babies :)

oh, it's because I'm old LOL

Nat said...

Your post has been scary for me to read, as I'm still bfeeding my 6 months old, and I'm super keen for Nr2. I thought I was crazy, but I'm pleased to see you're a bit ahead of me in that dept! My reasoning is a bit like yours, it took 2 years for us to conceive, eventually on timed and medicated cycles (lucky I never had to get to IVF) and I don't want to wait another 2 years. Babies are hard work, and I want to do all the baby stage of life sooner rather than later.

t.bird said...

saffy: yes! every time i open the freezer i just kind of stand & stare :) and thank you- it IS very sad!!
Leah: see my long winded reply comment ;)
ajvann: FET too? good luck as well!!
leigh: you're not old- you just do what i do x2 which i can't even fathom. bless you- ha! ;)
Nat: well hopefully you can continue to bf if needed (i'm not sure if they make you stop with all treatments, but they might because of the injections...?) either way- good luck, i hope it doesn't take 2 years again- oy!

Phoenix said...

I’m super jealous of you, I pump every 2-3 hours and produce an average of 10-12 oz A DAY. PLEASE share your secret and don’t be like the other moms and tell me it comes naturally! I’m so frustrated with my milk supply, I don’t want to supplement with formula but it’s the only way my baby will get enough food.

t.bird said...

phoenix: i feel like i might dissapoint here because i'm not sure i have a "secret" :)

my milk came in with a fury & ever since then it hasn't stopped. maybe it helped that i started pumping RIGHT away several times a day. literally, in the begining i was nursing alex & still pumping 6-8 times a day- like every 2 hours. and i would pump for a good 20 min in the begining.
i also drank tons of water & ate TONS of oatmeal (like 3-4x per day)
whenever alex was hungry- i fed her & either before or after i'd pump. i even got up 2x per night to pump pump pump!

i def. encouraged my oversupply so that i could get a freezer stash. when we found out alex had a dairy allergy i cut out all obvious dairy & i think my supply got even better afterwards.

so i'm not sure- i have def. been blessed with an uber supply- but i've also spent hours with my pump- hours that i much rather would have spent doing something else.

i know you can drink mothers milk tea, make lactation cookie & take feungreek (sp?) and those are supposed to help- have you tried any of those?

good luck! i must say, i feel bad about weaning when i know so many women are working so hard to keep going :(

Phoenix said...

You haven’t disappointed, you’ve given me hope! I've been told over and over to drink more and pump every two hours…which isn’t doing jack! Tomorrow it’ll be oatmeal for breakfast then off to GNC for Fenugreek and Traditional Medicinals® Organic Mother's Milk! Maybe this weekend I’ll try the lactation cookies, they sound delicious...wonder if I can weird my husband out informing him what they’re. I don't like sharing sweets ;).

I’m a blog lurker, I can usually get a good laugh reading yours (LOVED the late night sex blog). Your recipe blog is absolutely fabulous, I’ve shared the link with a few friend.PLEASE keep the laughs and food coming!

If it gives you any hope, the second baby seems to be less work! Most of my friends, me included, went through many cycles before conceiving; after you get the first pregnancy out of the way the second, third...just seem to be effortless. I don’t know the extent of your “brokenness” but you might be surprised to find you conceive naturally. BEST of luck!

Rebekah said...

You're a milk making MACHINE!! Good luck with everything, T. It may be hard, but to get little Alex a baby brother or sister, it will be worth it!! I'm excited for you!

Jessica@The Southern Belle Baby said...

I'm sorry you have to wean! :( BUT how amazing is it that you have that much milk stored up?! Alex will get your milk for a good while longer since you're such an awesome pumper.

I am so incredibly excited for you about baby #2! I hope and pray that everything goes incredibly smoothly and successfully for you guys. The world needs another gorgeous bird baby!