Thursday, February 4, 2010

sleeping sex

firstly: today is the last day to enter the BLOG GIVEAWAY!!! don't miss out- your kid'll have the cutest paci clip ever!

secondly: sleeping sex

about 5 seconds after my head hit the pillow last night, i was asleep. and not like, a little asleep, SOUND asleep! dead to the world- out like a light- etc etc.

so this would explain my brain's confusion about 5 minutes later when i realized that the husband was humping my ass.
wtf dude?! based on the fact that i fell asleep on the couch @ 8:45pm (which, sadly, resulted in me missing American Idol) and then sleepwalked my way to bed- it was more than obvious that i wasn't in the right frame of mind for maritals..............or was i?

a minute or so after i was rudely lovingly awoken, i realized that in my half asleep state i am actually much less inhibited. i mean, i'm no prude whilst fully awake, but i'm also no freak-a-leak either. i get the job done with the least amount of extra frills (mainly because it's late & my ass is up at 3:45 every morning) and call it a day.


but last night- it was almost like being drunk (but without the horrible spins that accompany it)!
fabulous! i do have a (probably) impressionable daughter in the next room over so i didn't howl at the moon or anything- but i got mine. and he got his.

the only hitch was having to prop myself up with one hand & one elbow because i forgot the lube rag- but apparently the hunchback look totally does it for the hubs- who knew?

after all was said & done and our breathing had returned to normal- i killed whatever lusty thoughts that may have been lingering by grasping the forearm attached to my drippy lube hand & proclaiming it "THE CLAAAAW" in my best jim carey voice. it was a sweet ending to the night's activities. dinner AND a show. it was a win win.

so- if your husband wakes you up from a dead sleep & you'd rather KILL him than engage in maritals: STOP! give yourself a minute & go with it. you'll probably end up blowing his mind (among other things) and i guarantee you that he'll want to repay you the next day.
and not just by slapping your ass & winking at you over coffee the next morning- no, like he'll probably take you to the mall & let you pick out a kick ass Coach bag. score.


thirdly: presh pictures of my little lady who i pray becomes a nun & therefore never engages in the debauchery that i just wrote out:



we took her to Cracker Barrel in this outfit & a sweet little old lady proclaimed that that she was: "the most handsome little cowboy she'd ever seen!"
apparently cowboys wear pink & are named Alexis. good to know.

and here's alex rocking her Maleficent hat: (and mom rocking her super skinny's- tee hee)


chub-a-lub!

lol @ "you might also like" apple crisp? monkey bread & chicken?! wtf?!
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2 comments:

Anne said...

This post cracked me up!

Jessica@The Southern Belle Baby said...

Between hunchbacks, the claw, lube rags and lots of Alex pictures, this post gets 5 stars. :0)

And, DONE. We are totally voting for each other every day.