Thursday, February 23, 2012

a letter to brynn

Dear Brynn,

This morning, while i was changing your diaper before rushing off to work you started laughing, at God knows what, & peed all over my arm, the floor & a small section of my shoe.

That really wasn't cool. but i found it funny enough that i started laughing- & then quickly had to stop because i was afraid that i'd also pee myself (i blame you & your sister for this) which wouldn't be nearly as endearing & funny. sometimes being 28 sucks. not being able to pee yourself? what gives?

anyway. i just wanted you to know that. thankfully it was just pee- i don't think you'll ever best your sister though (at least i hope not). when she was a few weeks old she crapped in my mouth. remind me to tell you that story one day.



p.s. i think i'm going to start writing some letters to the girls on this here blog. normally when i see these letters on other blogs they are heartwearing & full of loving motherly advice. in fact, some of them make me tear up.

but that's not me- yo. i think you guys all know that. i mean, i feel it on the inside (no, my heart is not black & stone cold)- but putting it out there- yeah. i fail.

but i have a feeling the girls will enjoy the special memories i can type up- like them using me as a toilet. awesome.
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Friday, February 17, 2012

how could you?!

a recent conversation that went down in our house:

me: "so when do our Girl Scout cookies come in? i can't even tell you how pumped i am to get my eat on!"
the husband: ::silence::
me: "hey, did you hear me? when do our Girl Scout cookies come in?"
the husband: "i heard you but...i actually forgot to order any..."
me: ::silence::
the husband: "hey, did you hear me? i said i forgot to order them..."
me: "i heard you but...what. the hell?!"

i could go on. but it got ugly & i think you get the gist. he even had the audacity to say: "well...we really don't need them anyway..."

WHAT?! i don't even know you anymore husband.

the thing is, he had not 1, but 2 opportunities to purchase cookies. 2 sweet little Girl Scout girls with boxes to spare. i even reminded him.

yes. i know i can go buy them at the entrance of any WalMart or grocery store, but hello- it's principle.
plus, it's a known fact that Girl Scout cookies taste better when you get them from a girl scout that you actually know. not from the stranger girl scouts that sell their wares on the street corner. those ones just make you feel dirty.

...already cursing yourself as you skulk to you car with 6 overpriced boxes of Thin Mints under your arm; looking around to make sure that on one is staring knowingly. speeding to your house while trying to rip open the boxes with 1 hand. feeling wickedly gluttonous as you inhale sleeve after frozen sleeve of chocolate covered minty crack...only to feel empty & ravenous 15 minutes later. you look longingly at the freezer & tell yourself: "just one more & i'll be done...i promise."


in fact, if i didn't want them so bad i'd say that the street corner selling should be illegal.

but it's not. thank goodness.

have a great weekend everyone- those of you who's husbands didn't forget to order GS Cookies- pour out a sleeve for me. homie.
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Tuesday, February 14, 2012

i'm 28 now

Feb 10th. my birthay.
Feb 14th. valentine's day.

i started dating the husband in Jan of 2005, right before my 21st birthday & right before valentine's day. at the time he thought that was pretty awesome.

sweet & romantic right from the start. kick ass. he got me Maroon 5 tickets that first year, sealed the deal he did.

now he curses me for being born so close to the national day for love. like it's my fault my parents copulated at the tail end of spring. gross.

regardless- he does well. every year. almost as good as me (if you didn't know, i'm a gift giving fiend). this year i have a sizable gift card to a local shoe store & i spent the majority of last friday downing an Edible Arangement. not sure what's in store for V-day yet- but i'm am sure it's bomb.

what did i get him you ask? a pretty gnarly watch. a wooden watch at that:

photo courtesy of WeWood

& what makes it even better: you buy a watch- they plant a tree. boom. i'm helping the universe. you're welcome.

right about now i should show you ultra cute pictures of my kids decked out in hearts & witty saying of love...but alas. i can't deliver. sorry.

i did lay out cute V-day outfits for them this morning before i left, so that should score me some points. perhaps they'll still be in them when i get home- but more than likely a day full of painting & cookie making has bested my efforts.

as for plans? nada. we'll come home from work- do life- eat dinner & go to bed. but we will ingest an alarming amount of candy- because that's love.

what about you?

what are you doing for V-day? tradition? something spontaneous? do you detest V-day? love it? meh? etc etc?

tell me.

& here's an Instagram recap of the last couple weeks:

Wahlburgers. Dude.Homemade lofthouse frosted sugar cookiesA mountain of jacques torres' chocolate chip cookies
Cookie exchange investigationMakin' bread...Remember that bread I was making yesterday...yeah. Pull apart awesome.
It's here! All your Mason jars are belong to me.Andes Mint Cookies. 4 ingredients.Sooo, this just happened. Ps- I don't carry around extra pants.
Edible Arrangements- the husband scored! #winningLovebirds Diorama- a valentine gift for the girl's bff. #pinterestHer eyes are insane (my sister's cat)

from top left to bottom right:
wahlburgers. lofthouse style cookies. JT choc chip cookies.
cookie exchange package. bread dough. finished product.
making mason jars usable. andes mint cookies. ripped my pants.
edible arrangement. love bird diorama. my sister's kitty.
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Wednesday, February 8, 2012

like a tidal wave

a tidal wave of pictures.

as usual- i am about to mega unload. apologies.

a little what they wore:


- sweater: H&M
- collared shirt: H&M
- jeggings: Target
- socks: babyGap
- shoes: Toke

- sweater: Target
- tunic: Dwell for Target (it's actually a NB dress that she wears as a shirt now)
- leggings: Target
- socks: BabyLegs
- shoes: PediPed

snow time:


a lazy superbowl sunday:


& that's whats up.
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Monday, February 6, 2012

things i want for my children

i want my children to be liked. i want them to be popular & loved by their peers. i want them to be considered attractive. i want them to have friends.
i also want them to be kind, generous & loyal. i want them to reach out to everyone & not pass judgement. i want them to be an example of Christ & His love for everyone.

(i'm not starting a religion debate. we're raising our children in a Christian household because that is what we want to do. they will be allowed to make their own decisions as they grow older but you can bet your bottom we'll be making every effort to gently steer them in the direction that we ourselves find so much joy in.)

i think i want what most parents want. & it seems like it should be so easy. raise them right & they'll turn out A-Ok. right? isn't that what we're told?
so why do i sometimes lay awake agonizing about their futures.
will they have friends? will they be strong in their faith? will they be "pretty"? will they be bullied or bullies? will they...???

on the faith front: lead by example. ok- that shouldn't be too hard. i'm down with Christ. i'm a Christian. i try to lead a good life & be nice. good times.
but i fall so short. so, so short.
sometimes i don't pick up my bible for...ever. i forget to take a minute & pray. i don't think before i speak. i'm not nice. i ignore the needs of others & don't make the effort....i tell the husband to kiss my ass.


normal things. normal things that add up. normal things that i realize can have a profound effect on young minds & souls. i've realized that i really need to work on me so that i can work with them.
people used to ask me what i was the most scared about (before having children). was it keeping them safe? was it making sure they didn't break any bones? was it the fact that i had no idea what to expect?

& i always answered the same thing: i fear for their souls. i'm scared that i'm not up to the task of rearing them in the same way that i was reared. to rely on God & have faith. to be reverent & trusting. to live for Him & not themselves. to know where their soul is going when they die.

how do i do that? how does anyone do that? that's a...big deal. that's a lot. that's my responsibility.

no pressure.

but yeah. so we've been making an effort. we joined a church. books about God & movies with a message are pretty abundant in our house. praying before meals- we so need to work on this one. praying before bed- another area that needs work. praying in general- yeah, working on that. an all around conscious effort to be good examples- we do ok. we could do better, but we try.

so as worried as i am that i'm going to royally screw up, i know we can do it. because we have to. because it's most important thing. simple as that. & that helps me sleep at night.

on the friends front: if there is ever a place that makes me worry about the likability of my offspring it's the mall playplace.
besides being a breeding ground for over 7 million types of bacteria, it's also a breeding ground for major parental insecurity.

letting your child play in the mall playplace is essentially like releasing them into the wild.
you're relinquishing control to the powers that be. God bless & stay safe my little ones.

but seriously. the girls adore the playplace. it rates up there with being outside, being naked & eating cookies. they can barely contain themselves as i remove their shoes & tell them to be careful.
while some children are content to stand at the edge, timidly clinging to their parent's pant legs & surveying the action at a safe distance- my children run pell-mell into the fray of writhing little bodies without a second thought.

honestly, it's more like a mosh pit than a playplace & i hover on the outskirts ready to pull my children from danger if need be.
more often than not i also find myself saving & parenting other children as the majority of the adults sitting around consider the playplace to be their personal babysitting & are consumed with texting, scrolling & yapping on their iPhones.

i shoot dirty looks & scowl dissaprovingly- but no one seems to notice. i can't tell you the number of times i've raced after a child, that i did not birth, as they escape the confines of the play area. their gleeful shrieks at freedom are quickly replaced with a hefty dose of dissapointed & fearful wails as a random stranger picks them up & hauls them back to "safety".

but i digress. friends.

since for a few moments my own littles are otherwise occupied, i can study them. i can watch & focus. & i see alex shyly approach another child & smile. holding out her hand in a silent offering, "be friends?"
and, oh, i can't even describe how my heart swells when the other child smiles in return & grabs her hand. & i get choked up & misty eyed as said child drags my offspring to a slide & pushes her down it...headfirst.

& when another child comes over to join & they laugh even as they butting heads (literally) & tripping over one another- i can't wipe the stupid grin from my face.

they like her! they really like her! Gosh, my kid is spectacular. ::fist pump::

but sometimes that offering goes unreturned. as my child stands there, soulfully innocent, the other child looks her up & down & quickly dismisses her. as they run off to play with someone else i watch my child stand there, still smiling, completely unaware. she looks around & i literally think i feel my heart breaking for her.

i'm torn. part of me wants to go grab the errant child & yell, "LIKE MY KID DAMNIT!" (which would garner me no points on the leading by example scale). while the other part of me wants to go scoop her up & squeeze her. & then the most sensible part of me knows that i just need to watch & wait.

because without fail, if her little hand isn't grabbed by a stranger, it WILL be grabbed by someone who is always waiting in the wings...


& when that happens, i basically explode with joy. like, if i was any happier i'd probably be breaking some sort of law. my chest puffs out with pride- look at that, look at my girls!
best friends.
i frantically motion to get the husband's attention & point out this monumental moment in the bird sister's history.

he sees & acknowledges with his own smile.

we watch our girls grin & babble at one another & then we usually watch alex slap brynn & brynn retaliate by pulling alex's hair.

the spell is broken. timeouts ensue.

& usually the same child that ignored alex 5 minutes earlier will come over with her own hand outstretched, smile in place, "be friends?"

& sometimes my kids grabs the friendship offering.
& sometimes she doesn't.
& then i watch someone else's child stand there with an extended arm & un-broken smile & my heart starts flip-flopping all over again.

& then brynn toddles see how this works?

& i'm happy. because my girls will always have a friend. i'm sure of it.

gah. i cannot be the only parents with these crazy thoughts. i cannot be the only parents who wants EVERYTHING for their child. i know i'm not. right?

no way.

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Wednesday, February 1, 2012

baby seals are cute

look at this picture of a baby seal:

photo courtesy of google

holycrapomgadorable right?

(of course while i was googling "baby seals" & getting my cute fix, i ran across several pictures of baby seals being clubbed & immediately wanted to cry. omg?! who DOES that?! i had no idea...i am legit, sad right now. & confused. ::sad face::)

ok- so that seal is really cute? all things baby seals = cute. it's a fact.
so if someone was like, "oh, your child reminds me of a baby seal!" one would think that = my child's cuteness rivals that of an infant seal. kick ass. so awesome.

but alas. it does not. because what they're trying to tell you is, "omg- when baby seals bark & make that weird noise it's really cute- but now your kid is doing that & it sounds straight up awful..."

so yeah. brynn = a baby seal. because she's barking like one.

all night. all morning. all day. yay.

so for the 2nd time in less than a week (we took a pedi trip last week thanks to another yeast rash) my youngest & i got to spend some time bonding @ the pedi's office.

after the receptionist performed the usual routine: take my card. look @ insurance coverage info. cringe & shoot me a look of pity ($3k deductible here people). collect my co-pay. send me on my way.

we saw the nice lady doc & she validated me bring my child in by dx'ing her with croup & an ear infection (the joys). she prescribed an oral steroid & an rx for the ear & told me to waste water (with good reason) by running my shower & blah blah blah.

& to thank me for my concern & prompt pedi trip- my child let me dress her & then sat as far away from me as she could in an attempt to insure that i would try to steal any of her fruit snacks:

Croup + an ear infection.

such is love.

so yes. croup & an ear infection. this explains the semi-fevered child that clung to me for the majority of last evening whilst barking in my ear & splattering my face with spit.

spit that no doubt held quite a bit of germs because now my throat feels scratchy.

poor kid. but thanks to modern medicine & deep pockets (lol, who am i kidding?) she should be back to her old self within a few days.

and to end this on another cute note- here's another baby seal:

photo courtsey of google

not as cute as a baby sloth- but close.
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