Tuesday, July 29, 2008

wtf?! appt today

so we had our follow up today: i asked Dr. Glatstein about my tubes and implantation issues & etc etc. he said he's 99? positive that my tubes are not blocked with fluid- if they were they would be swollen & we would have noticed that when we did my IVF cycle (with all the ultrasounds & such) so that's good. also he said that they don't do assisted hatching on 5 day blasts because there is a higher multiples rate (booo) and lastly, he doesn't have any answers on questions about "implantaton issues" he said that is an ongoing discussion in the reproductive science world & there is no definate answer to why or why not the embryos dont attach. obviously if there is a lining issue then that could be the reason- but my lining is always fine & since he is 99% sure that toxic fluid ISN'T puring into my urterus- he has no explaination for why this didn't work- he said again, it's all in the odds- and once again we fell in the shitty ones. ahh well.

soooo he said that he really can't think of any other testing to do for us- my tubes are fluid free, i don't have Endo or PCOS or anything like that- my lining always looks good & all my levels are up to par. the embryos are great quality & everything basically looks good- so we always have a 50/50 shot.

the plan: when my next period starts, i call & we start the ball rolling for FET#2. we'll follow the same protocol with the addition of a couple of drug my nurse forgot about with our last FET (woops!!!) she felt bad about forgetting but i'm rpetty sure that isn't the reason this didn't work last time- the drugs are ant-inflamitory & antibiotics- simply safeguards against infection. so we'll get those in there this time. we're going to stick with the progesterone suppositories and the estrace like last time. so here's to praying that this one works!

if my body does it's thing on time, then i am scheduled for my FET around 09/07'ish. yay! we'll transfer 2 embryos again & see what the Good Lord has in mind!
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Monday, July 28, 2008

monday monday

awww- she's so cute- except for her sometimes freaky eyes- i hate when she falls asleep with them half open- ugh. i always close them for her.

anyway- i start my diet today- meh. i'm not sure how well that's gonna work out- i just keep reminding myself that i need to look good within the next 2 weeks- so yeah. diet & back to the gym today too- whew! as long as i'm home for SHARK WEEK i'll be good.

omg- shark week!!! (last night's was kind of boring though, i'm not big on MythBusters- blah!- but tonight should be better- too bad i might have to miss Intervention- oh Lord- we need a tivo or something)
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Friday, July 25, 2008

today was supposed to be the day that adkins & i met up for our wilderness takeover- but alas, it is not to be. we cancelled because of all the damn rain and had to re-schedule for Labor Day weekend.

so instead of leaving work at 2 & heading off into the sunset....i'm stuck here till 5 like the rest of these poor saps, working. lame ass!

at least i have my WTF?! Appt. on tues to look forward toooo- we better get some answers or heads will roll!!! whatever that means.

oh- and i'm starting a diet on monday (gross, i know) it's mainly a vanity diet- i want to drop like 10-15 lbs because i have 2 weddings to attend within the next 2 weeks- so i gotta look good! also my "friend" is having her baby in like 2 weeks & i want to look super skinny & hot & make her jealous because she always bitches about how her children have "killed" her body. sooo yeah...no, i'm not bitter. not a bit!

so yeah- i don't know how well i'll do because diets suck ass- i love food more than anything (cept God) sooo yeah. i'm gonna go to the gym too- so perhaps i'll be a lean machine in the next 2 weeks- we shall see. we shall see.

ok- i have to go work. and by "work" i means google random shit on the internet. der.
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Wednesday, July 23, 2008


hppray for cuteness!!!

i'm going to miss them this weekend when we go camping- but they LOVE grammy & grampy's house!!!
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Tuesday, July 22, 2008

next week is shark week

that is all.
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Monday, July 21, 2008


*UPDATE* my period just started- it's just aweful too. seriously. who bleeds this much? heh. i'm in such a bad mood today- i mean, i'm not really even angry or sad (well maybe a little) but i'm just...defeated. like, i'm so moody, pissy and i just want to be a bitch to everyone. but i'm being nice- i'm smiling & helpful & pleasant simply because i don't want to be a bitch to people who don't understand why i'm so bitchy- it's not fair to them. it's not their fault. i told brandon yesterday that i wasn't KU- he was a little depressed afterwards- but what can you do?
i called my RE's nurses & asked if i could skip my beta- i don't want to go. they're going to make me, but i don't want to. i just want to have another WTF?! appt & yell at my wicked nice, little, meek RE. ugh.
sooo, thanks to my cramping & spotting & temps drops, i know that this didn't work. even still, i have to go for my unnecessary BETA tomorrow- lame. i wish they would just let you not go- i mean, i'd rather not waste gas for no reason. but whatever.

i was pretty optimistic about this working- i really was. but it didn't. so where do i go from here? i'm a pretty positive person, until it comes to getting pregnant. i'm 50/50 on being certain that i will ever actually get pregnant.
one part of me REALLY wants it to happen, so it believes that it will. but the realistic, reasonable, negative side of me thinks that maybe it just won't. maybe i'll be that woman that just can't have kids. you know, that middle aged, childless woman you see staring hungrily at children playing in the park. the one that everyone knows, wanted kids- but just can't have them. the woman that i never thought i might have to be.
who knows?

anyway- after my BETA tomorrow i'll call & schedule another WTF?! appt. i'm going to demand a re-look at my tubes. they're blocked- well ok, with what? is it scar tissue? is it fluid? if it is, in fact fluid, is it toxic fluid that is leaking into my uterus & killing anything that even attempts to implant? if so, do they need to be removed to give me a better chance? oor, are they even really blocked? i had one HSG & no LAP, so how do they really know? i'm going to ask for a LAP- what if there is some shit going on in there that i don't know about? implantation- do i have an issue with it? is it because the embryo can't attach? or does it even make it out of the shell? do we need to consider assisted hatching? do we need some embryo glue or something?! good Lord!!
we need answers here. so i hope they can get us in sooner, rather than later. ugh.

so yeah- that's that. at least i can finally go to the gym this week- oh yeah, and drink this weekend at the t.bird/adkins GTG!!! wooo hooo! it'll be fun!!

at least i have cute puppies & a super GTG coming up, to take my mind off of all this crap.
it still sucks though- i mean, i basically want to throw up every time i see a baby or pregnant woman. literally.
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Saturday, July 19, 2008


BFN @ 14dpo or 9 days past my FET (5 day embryos)

hmmm- i'm 99% sure i'm not pregnant- my period was due 2 days ago, so it's not like i tested early or anything. the only thing keeping FP away are the suppositories- so i don't really feel like taking them anymore. i don't want to take my estrace either. so i think i'll compromise. i'll take my supps in the morn/night but NOT during the day. ugh.

laaaaaaame. at least cessna is ok- seriously, i'm sort of ok with the BFN simply because of that.
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Friday, July 18, 2008

poor cessna

ok so she DOESN'T have a massive hernia- she just has severe pneumonia- so the vet put her on some meds & i have to "croup" her 3x a day for 5-10 min at a time. this will help her cough and stuff. we have to take her in for another x-ray in about 2 weeks and in the mean time we need to get some meat on her bones- she's sooo scrawny.but she will be ok- it might take up to a month for her pneumonia to get better but she's not going to die!!!i'm so stoked!!!! she's kind of contagious so we have to keep her away from other dogs- max should be ok cause he's on antibiotics right now too- and since he's older he's not really prone to pneumonia anymore. thank you guys for your prayers & well-wishes!!!! they obviously worked!!!

xp from the nest:

when we bought cessna (new puppy), we were told that she had a minor hernia that had been repaired- so that was fine- i wasn't worried about it- the vet she went to checked her over & said she was fine. so last night we took her to the vet & as soon as he looked at her we could tell he was worried. so what we thought was going to be a standard check-up & a little prescription for her cold turned into waaay more.
he wanted to do a full body x-ray right away- we said ok & the vet tech took her back while he checked out max- max has a little stomache thing & his anal glands needed emptying but otherwise he's fine. (thank God)
he called us back to look at her x-rays & showed us what he thinks is a massive hernia- he said it's so big he isn't even sure if they can repair it there- she'll probably have to go to a specialist, and that's if it can even be repaired.
he said he was going to send the x-rays out to this guy in california & we should have a dx in about 24-36 hours. i basically lost it & started bawling! i mean, he's standing here telling us she might not be fixable because she's so young & it's just so big! he said that he doesn't think her minor hernia was ever even fixed.
so now my husband is pissed because we were basically lied to when we bought her. and he's worried sick (but instead of crying like me he starts geting angry) ugh!
so when we left- $400 later- they said she wasn't in any pain or anything & to treat her like a regular puppy & that the would call us back today or sat. i really hope she's going to be ok- i won't be able to deal if she's not- seriously.
so brandon is going to call the pet store people today & reem them out. they're SO going to pay for this- we already shelled out $1k for a sick puppy- that we already love- and then another $300+ to get her checked out and told she might not even make it- and then if this is fixable- the surgery is probably going to be $$$- my God.

FET wise: i'm 8dpfet & i don't know- my temp went up some more, but i do have spotting & more cramps. so who knows- i'm too worried about cessna to even care right now. ugh.
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Thursday, July 17, 2008


7dpfet- my chart link sucked yesterday (sorry!!!) so here it is again:


my temp went up! i don't know how great that is- but i'm hoping it's a good sign! still no spotting, but i am still crampy...sooooo yeah. who knows what's going on in there?!

hmmm- what else? we have to take our little weenies to the vet tonight, so i'm hoping Cessna's cold, or whatever it is, can get cleared up. i also need to remember to bag her poo to take with me. i don't envy whomever has the job of testing thats shit...literally. heh.

omg- i love watermelon sour patch candies- i'm eating them now. but i also ate like a pound of almonds earlier & now my stomache hurts a little- God, my eating is so freaking random ass.

ok- i should go work now. seriously.
thank you to all the ladies that read this thing & encourage me, if i could, i would do some GoG with all of you- nom nom nom!
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Wednesday, July 16, 2008


ok- i'm 6 days past my FET & 11dpo. my temp took a nosedive this morning & i'm still really crampy- but no spotting (but that could simply be thanks to the supps) so i'm not sure what to think. i guess we'll see what that temp does tomorrow.


technically my period is due tomorrow- but i doubt it'll start with me using the Estrace & Progesterone...soooo we wait. if i start spotting, i'll know i'm out- but i'm trying to stay postive. boo ya!

in other news: omg i love Koalas- i wicked want one. a baby one- that is all.

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Tuesday, July 15, 2008


so i'm 5 days past my FET- and i don't know what to think. i don't "feel" pregnant or anything- there have been no bolts of lightening or weird sensations or anything like so- so i really don't know. i'm also 10dpo so i usually start spotting today- however since i'm on the supps, i might not- blargh!

i'm way to freaked to test- i really don't think i can do it- maybe this weekened if my period doesn't rear it's ugly head by then- waiting sucks!

i'm trying to stay positive- i really am this time. so we'll see i guess. it's out of my hands now. i erally pray that i'm knocked up- really, really, really!!! but if i'm not, at least i can drink at the Adkins/t.bird gtg next weekened- yeeeah- good times!
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Saturday, July 12, 2008

our new family member

this is what happens when you can't have kids:

you go out & buy cute little puppies!!!
it just can't be helped!
no, she wasn't "planned"
we don't know how it happened!!!
but we still love her!!!
our new baby girl, Cessna!!! her big brother, max, is a little jealous- but he still loves her :)
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Friday, July 11, 2008

1dp FET

*UPDATE* so i just went to the bathroom & when i wiped there was bright red blood on the tp..hmmm- that doesn't seem normal.according to my chart: i'm technically about 9 dpo today (my chart states this, but when i had my US on the 3rd, there was a still a huge follicle & i hadn't ovulated yes- so i think i ovulated on the 4th or 5th so that would be me either 6 or 7 dpo- if i disacard the 3rd's temp then FF gives me dotted crosshairs for the 5th which makes more sense- who knows! http://www.fertilityfriend.com/ttc/index.php) & i usually start spotting around 10 dpo & FP shows up by 12 dpo. sometimes when i go to the bathroom i get red blood around 8-9 dpo- ugh. it would suck if this was over before it even started. *UPDATE*

so i noticed, this morning, that my liner was "speckled" with blood amongst all the progesterone crap that leaks out. also when i just went to the bathroom- there was a bit of reddish "cm" as well- again, it's mostly the suppositories leaking out- also when i wiped there was some reddish coloration on the tissue.

i'm assuming this is a result of the FET yesterday- it went pretty smoothly but there was a small issue with the catheter not wanting to do what it was supposed to- eventually it did (we saw it on the screen) and all was well- but brandon said he saw blood on the end of it when they pulled it out- the RE also pointed it out to the nurse and told ehr to take a look @ it- he assured us that it, in no way, had an affect on the FET itself. so since they were all "up in my shit" yesterday, i'm assuming that's the reason for the spotting today. sooo yeah- i'm also a little crampy too- hoping that these are all good signs.

i try not to get my hopes up. but we're feeling good about this cycle- we're really praying this is it!!! i'm also being reasonable & not getting my hopes up that high- we know it could go either way!

if this doesn't work i think our next step will be to take a look @ exactely what my tubes are "blocked" with- is it scar tissue or fluid? if it's fluid, is it leaking into my uterus & preventing implantation? (fluid leaks into the uterus are toxic to embryos) lovely! do i need another HSG or maybe a LAP (which my RE isn't "fond" of) ? who knows- here's hoping that i don't even have to worry about all of that!!!

anywho- i'm glad it's friday! i'm going out to the Olive Garden tonight with some friends & i'm just going to relax- i'd like to have a drink, but i probably shouldn't...ha!
ok- i gotta go "work" -ciao!
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Thursday, July 10, 2008

back from FET

this is just an xp from thenest:

anyway- my FET went smoothly- my bladder was way too full so they let me pee "a little" ummm- it's really hard to pee for 10 seconds & then stop...sooo i cheated & peed for 15 seconds. omg- it felt sooo good. better than anything in the world.

moving on, so we transferred two 5 day blasts & 1 was already expanding since that morning's thaw, so that sounded like good news cause i think it goes: blast, expand, hatching, implant etc. yeah, so they shot them in (after a little trouble with the catheter) and everything looked good.

they wished us luck & made me lie there for 15 min. after that timer went off i jumped up & booked it to the bathroom- wow. i love peeing sooo much.

so 2 of the embies didn't survive the thaw & 2 did- so we have 5 left! let's hope we don't need them for awhile!!!

the picture above: the "expanding blast" is on the left & the "blast" is on the right. we're relly praying this works!!!
to my girls on thenest: thank you so much for all your prayers & well wishes!! <3

p.s. and because i wanted it, ont he way home i made brandon stop & get me a Thin Mint DQ Blizzard- omg yum!!! we also got Taco Bell...i wish i could wat this crap everyday!!!! damn my expanding waistline!!!
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Tuesday, July 8, 2008

we're back!

well we're back- we had fun!!! we want to go back next year too- it's nice to just get away! i'll save you from reading & just post some pictures!!!

our cabin...

cabin & max in the car...

fishing with max & a dragonfly...

snuggles with max, brandon...smiling? & the gorgeous view!!!

there's some food pics in the food blog- but this about sums it up! northern NH & ME is sooo beautiful & we had a great time- but i wouldnt want to live there!!! there wasn't a grocery store to be found! not even a Target :o
i can't live like that!!! :)

p.s. we saw a moose! yippeeeee!
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Wednesday, July 2, 2008

and we're off!

i just posted about our weekend to be & stupid blogger ate it- i'm annoyed!! so here's the condensed verison:

basically we leave tomorrow (the 3rd) to go up to http://www.magriverinn.com/ in Erroll, NH- we'll be there until mon (the 7th, which is our actual anniv) we're taking max with us & we're just going to chill out & relax.

i have my FET CD 14 bloodwork & ultrasound tomorrow morning, so we'll start out after that- it takes about 4 hours to get up there, so we'll take our time.
it should be fun- lot's of fishing & hiking & reading & sleeping & playing with max & blah blah blah! not working!!! i have a feeling there is no WIFI so i don't think i'll be able to get online.

::prays for a painless detox::

hahaha! sooo yeah!

oh Lordy- that's it
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