pictures, updates etc etc

i wonder why my child always looks terrified...?

there must be something about me invading her bath privacy that doesn't sit right with her. alas. i promise, she's usually laughing & doesn't live in a constant state of fear.

aaand is there anything more presh than baby feet:

oy- i just love her little wrinkles & chubs. i know that when she's 16 she's going to be praying that she has neither (and that i'm no longer trying to take naked pictures of her) - but for now, she does & they're all mine to show to the internet world.

(also- how do we feel about the post processing of these pics? i like the look, but think they might be a tad blown out...? any photogs out there- let me know!)

in other news:

my lovely child woke me up @ 2AM demanding to be changed, fed & held.

....wtf?!

now, i know for many of you mothers this is completely normal- but not for me! not my child! my child has slept through the night since day 1 & while she might wake up asking for her paci- she always goes right back down.

i can only assume that she's going through a growth spurt. lately, she's been sucking down 6+ oz within 5 minutes & eating way more than usual. so yes- that must be it.

so i changed her, fed her, burped her, held her & then brought her back to bed with me.

i don't know if there is anything more adorable than her little self all propped up between the hubs & i. and make that adorable x 100 when the husband, seemingly unknowingly, snuggles up to her with his hand on her tummy

::dies from swooning::

my my my.

anyways- thanks to an awesome sale on Albee baby, we are now the proud owners of 2 VERY cute Britax Marathon Carseats:

Orange

Cowmooflage

i came home last night to the 2 boxes sitting at our doorstep ::does jig::
the hubs brought them in when he got home & now we're fighting about who gets the cow one in their car. all of a sudden he's obsessed with cows...whatevs.

and last but not least: Boob News-
Operation Wean Day#???

no idea what day- but i can say it's going swimmingly!
the first week was pure hell- i was engored, leaky, in pain, weepy- kind of like being pregnant. however, thanks to cabbage leaves, sudafed & my body doing it's job of regulating,my goal is in sight.

i'm down to 1 pumping session a day & i'm only pumping 6-7 oz per side. this is down from an original:
4x per day = 60 oz.
then 3x per day = 60 oz.
then 3x per day = 48 oz.
then 2x per day = 32 oz.
then 2x per day = 20 oz.
and now 1x per day = 14 oz.

i must say- it's still feels weird that i'm no longer pumping enough to freeze or even get her through the day on fresh milk- but i keep reminding myself it's for a good reason.
i've started breaking out the frozen milk & i can see how quickly it's going to go if i don't space it out. so this weekend = buying oatmeal, making babyfood & researching formula.

i think we'll end up with Similac Sensitive because i've heard it's the most like breastmilk. i'm going to do some math & figure out what the bm to formula ratio needs to be so that alex can have breastmilk all the way until her 1st b-day.

i hate math.

p.s. stay tuned because i've been contacted & asked to do 2 reviews & giveaways within the next week!!!

#1: Boogie Wipes (starts Mon Feb 22)
#2: YoBaby Meals!! - Organic Yogurt for Babies and Toddlers (starts sometime within the next week or so- you know, after alex actually eats it :)

blogger award

the very lovely Jennifer awarded me this: thank you jen!


so i'm now required to tell you 7 interesting things about myself. i hope you guys don't pass out from the excitment:

1. i graduated highschool @ 16
2. i was in foster care for over 2 years when i was little (my birthmother was a total crackhead)
3. i am right in the middle of 11 children (blood related, adopted, step, half = 11 in all)
4. i used to meet alot of guys online- like, ALOT. very stupid.
5. my mother is a minister & i grew up in a very Christian home- this led me to accept Christ as my Savior when i was 9 years old & my faith is VERY important to me!
6. i used to steal shit all the time when i was little. i got this weird rush out of it- like major klepto. thank God that was just a phase.
7. i like alot of "old people" stuff: moxie, mincemeat pie, mothballs, etc etc. people call me "granny"

and that's that!
ok so here are the rules for this award:

1. Thank the person who nominated you and link to their blog.
2. Copy the award and paste it to your blog.
3. Tell us 7 interesting facts about yourself.
4. Nominate fellow bloggers that you love and link up to their blog: crunchy, leigh, southern belle, rebekah, charity, lari & staycee


oh- and today is "operation wean" day #2 & i've got a bra full of cabbage leaves. i feel so earthy.

baby #2

so we had a meeting with our RE yesterday to discuss the making of baby #2. here's the gist:

1. i have to stop breastfeeding/pumping
2. i have to have 2 periods (my period has yet to make an appearance)
3. i have to have the basic blood/levels testing along with an SHG ::cringe::
4. we've got 5 frozen embryos left (2 from IVF#1 & 3 from IVF#2)
5. once all of the above is done- we'll go ahead with an FET & transfer 2 embryos

doesn't sound so bad, right? well i guess it's really not, except for the weaning part. in order to go forward with an FET i can no longer be breastfeeding (something to do with levels & uterine lining & etc)
i figured this & prepared myself mentally for it- but it still kind of sucks. besides the fact that it HURTS LIKE A BITCH, it's also somewhat of a mindfuck.

for example: i was doing my midday pump & i had to stop myself after getting 7 oz from each side. as i was sitting there looking at my un-emptied breasts i teared up. THERE'S STILL MILK IN THERE & IT BELONGS TO ALEX!!! WHY CAN'T SHE HAVE IT!?

ugh. it sucks- so many women get pregnant while breastfeeding. they go through their pregnancy & naturally wean their children before the new kid arrives- but i don't get that option. because making babies in this house requires needle sticks, thousands of dollars, lots of tears, dildo cams, miles of driving, time off of work, lots of BFN's & etc etc etc. it's not fair. but it's life.

so as i shut off the pump & pulled my nursing tank back over my still aching breasts- i sucked it up. we want another child so this is my reality. i will suffer- but it kills me that alex has to "suffer" for it too. she should get to drink breastmilk until she's done- until she weans herself- but she can't, because her father & i are broken. suck suck suck.

now- it's not like she's cut off right away. i've got a chest freezer with over 3,000 oz of frozen milk and i've given myself till the end of this month to actually "wean"- so she'll have breastmilk for quite awhile- but still. i'm going to have to supplement at some point- that's obvious.

but anyway- so now i sit here @ 3:30pm and my girls are SCREAMING! this is my usual pumping schedule/output:

-pump 3x per day (4am, 12pm & 8pm)
-20-22 oz per session
-60 oz per day

but since i'm trying to dry up, i'm still pumping 3x per day but instead of letting myself empty out- i stop @ 7 oz. do you have any idea how much this sucks? that leaves almost 5oz in each breast & within a few hours i'm already engorged once again. and today is only DAY 1 of operation wean. dear Lord.

eventually i'll have to go down to 2 pumping sessions- and then 1- and then none. NONE! this is really weird because for the past 4 months, pumping has been my life. literally- i pump & pump & pump. it makes me giddy to watch the bottles fill with milk & open the door to a full freezer. GIDDY! and now it's almost over. my boobs will no longer be what keeps her alive & it's like closing a chapter to her infant life. i don't like it.

but as i said- reality. this is it. so i'll do what i have to do.
i'm pretty sure i'm going to wind up bitching about clogged ducts & ruined shirts- but maybe you could all cross your fingers that i won't have to. please Lord- no more clogged ducts!!!!

so there you have it. if all goes according to plan (which it will) then we'll be scheduling our FET for sometime in April/May & PRAYING that it works. because if it doesn't then we're out $5k and then we'll have to be in $15k for a fresh IVF#3.

so yeah- fun, no? oh, and if anyone has tips on weaning, i'm all ears!!!