baby #2

so we had a meeting with our RE yesterday to discuss the making of baby #2. here's the gist:

1. i have to stop breastfeeding/pumping
2. i have to have 2 periods (my period has yet to make an appearance)
3. i have to have the basic blood/levels testing along with an SHG ::cringe::
4. we've got 5 frozen embryos left (2 from IVF#1 & 3 from IVF#2)
5. once all of the above is done- we'll go ahead with an FET & transfer 2 embryos

doesn't sound so bad, right? well i guess it's really not, except for the weaning part. in order to go forward with an FET i can no longer be breastfeeding (something to do with levels & uterine lining & etc)
i figured this & prepared myself mentally for it- but it still kind of sucks. besides the fact that it HURTS LIKE A BITCH, it's also somewhat of a mindfuck.

for example: i was doing my midday pump & i had to stop myself after getting 7 oz from each side. as i was sitting there looking at my un-emptied breasts i teared up. THERE'S STILL MILK IN THERE & IT BELONGS TO ALEX!!! WHY CAN'T SHE HAVE IT!?

ugh. it sucks- so many women get pregnant while breastfeeding. they go through their pregnancy & naturally wean their children before the new kid arrives- but i don't get that option. because making babies in this house requires needle sticks, thousands of dollars, lots of tears, dildo cams, miles of driving, time off of work, lots of BFN's & etc etc etc. it's not fair. but it's life.

so as i shut off the pump & pulled my nursing tank back over my still aching breasts- i sucked it up. we want another child so this is my reality. i will suffer- but it kills me that alex has to "suffer" for it too. she should get to drink breastmilk until she's done- until she weans herself- but she can't, because her father & i are broken. suck suck suck.

now- it's not like she's cut off right away. i've got a chest freezer with over 3,000 oz of frozen milk and i've given myself till the end of this month to actually "wean"- so she'll have breastmilk for quite awhile- but still. i'm going to have to supplement at some point- that's obvious.

but anyway- so now i sit here @ 3:30pm and my girls are SCREAMING! this is my usual pumping schedule/output:

-pump 3x per day (4am, 12pm & 8pm)
-20-22 oz per session
-60 oz per day

but since i'm trying to dry up, i'm still pumping 3x per day but instead of letting myself empty out- i stop @ 7 oz. do you have any idea how much this sucks? that leaves almost 5oz in each breast & within a few hours i'm already engorged once again. and today is only DAY 1 of operation wean. dear Lord.

eventually i'll have to go down to 2 pumping sessions- and then 1- and then none. NONE! this is really weird because for the past 4 months, pumping has been my life. literally- i pump & pump & pump. it makes me giddy to watch the bottles fill with milk & open the door to a full freezer. GIDDY! and now it's almost over. my boobs will no longer be what keeps her alive & it's like closing a chapter to her infant life. i don't like it.

but as i said- reality. this is it. so i'll do what i have to do.
i'm pretty sure i'm going to wind up bitching about clogged ducts & ruined shirts- but maybe you could all cross your fingers that i won't have to. please Lord- no more clogged ducts!!!!

so there you have it. if all goes according to plan (which it will) then we'll be scheduling our FET for sometime in April/May & PRAYING that it works. because if it doesn't then we're out $5k and then we'll have to be in $15k for a fresh IVF#3.

so yeah- fun, no? oh, and if anyone has tips on weaning, i'm all ears!!!

baby#2 appointment

so we have an RE appointment for baby#2 @ 9am this morning!!!!! our original appt was on Feb 23rd but they called yesterday & asked if i wanted to come in this morning- um, YEAH!!!

so we filled out all the paperwork last night (eeeek!) and we get to sit down with Dr. G this morning.

i can't even believe it's already time to start thinking about #2. holy crap!

i'll update with the "plan" when i get back!

and because i'm tickled- look! i'm the featured blog right now:

yayayayayayay!!!

so who wants to vote for me?! do i entertain you & make you keep coming back?! because i try- i try REALLY hard!!!

clicky for me pretty please:

RE Appt

sooo: our RE appt went well! he already had all of our medical info faxed over so he asked us some basic questions & then wanted to look at my charts. he said they were "text book" so i was pretty stoked about that. he also told brandon that his SA results "were'nt all that bad" so that made him happy. after being nice and putting us at ease he sent us over to his nurse to set up all the testing. SO- within the next 3 weeks if my FP shows, we will have to do the following:
me:
1. basic bloodwork (done)
2. cd3 bloodword
3. ultrasound
4. HSG (eek)
brandon:
1. basic bloodwork (done)
2. SA #2

we both took care of the basic b/w yesterday so we're good to go with that. brandon has to set up his next SA within the next two weeks & if/when my FP shows up i will have to call on cd1 to set up the cd3 b/w, ultrasound & HSG. sounds like a blast! after all the testing comes back, we'll head back to the RE for a follow up visit & go from there! i'm pretty excited to have a plan- i expressed that to brandon but i think it upset him because he feels like i've given up hope of us just getting pregnant "naturally". i tried to explain that, that is not what i mean, but i don't know if he get's it. it's already been 11 cycles & it hasn't happened yet, so yes, getting a course of action DOES excite me! and no, i don't "count" on getting pregnant anymore- it sucks too much getting FP every month like clockwork. that is not to say that i don't want it to just happen- but i'd rather forge ahead with treatments & get pregnant than wait around for it to just "happen". but i guess i don't really expect him to understand my views on it either because neither of us are in each other's shoes. we're in the same boat, but at totally different ends. we're both for "it" happening, but we each deal with how it might have to happen a little differently. meh- the end result will make us both happy though, so i try not to sweat it.

so yes- that's what's up & all in all, i'm happy. i think this getting pregnant thing could very well happen to us within the next couple months!

p.s. my cake was a HUGE success! yay!