Wednesday, May 4, 2011

working mom love

i work full time. one could even argue that i work full time plus.

i see my girls, on average, for about 3 hours per day (Mon-Fri).

many people would argue that this is simply not enough time.

these are your children. they're only young once. they grow up so fast. they reach so many milestones. can i even fathom all of the little things that i've missed? etc etc etc.

cripes. i hadn't thought about any of that!
...oh wait- yes i have. duh.

all of the above things are very true. but guess what? i still go to work every day.

because that's the reality.

when we decided to produce offspring we weren't ignorant of the fact that they needed to be loved & cared for- figuratively. we also knew full well that diapers, food, clothing, toys, schooling & etc etc cost money- literally.

lots of money.

and while we made sure we were financially in a place to afford children- we also realized that we really like eating out. (like, i could eat at Panera every single day if i had a mind)
we also love buying things for "us"- going on trips (hawaii 12' anyone?)- having money in the bank & saving for our girl's futures.

and because, even after pushing out our 1st bundle of joy & thinking that we never needed anything ever again because this small screaming creature made all things better & we now saw the world through rose colored glasses framed with glitter & unicorns, we STILL enjoyed all of the above- we decided that mamma would go back to work & bring home some bacon.

oh- and then there was the small piece about keeping my sanity. ie: not staying home 24/7 because i was pretty sure the husband would one day find me rocking in the corner staring at nothing & reciting The Wonder Pets theme song.

but yeah- mainly it was about bacon. we love bacon. it's so salty & chewy & sweet all at the same time- you know?

and if you don't make any money then you can't buy bacon. and what kind of a world would it be if we couldn't afford bacon?!

a dark one. a horrible one. a world where there is no glitter & fairies- only rainy days & lima beans.

so- to address a few above points:
- these are your children: yes. and because of that i am responsible for providing for all of their needs.
- they're only young once: well duh. and thank God.
- they grow up so fast: indeed. i blinked yesterday & alex was trying on my shoes. what the what?!
- they reach milestones: well i sure hope so! imagine if they waited for me to be around before they did anything?
- can i fathom all that i've missed: yes i can. but i also have trouble fathoming all of the things i HAVEN'T missed. i've see so much- how much more can they do??
obviously- a lot. and i'm pretty sure they're going to do so much that i'm going to see my fare share.

and the list goes on.

so what it comes down to is this:

- just because you're a working mom who only sees her child for 3 hours per day doesn't mean your son is going to grow up as a left handed serial killer (it's true- most serial killers are left handed. i read it on the internet)
- it also doesn't mean your daughter is going to grow up with "mommy & daddy" issues, & start removing her clothing for a fistfull of George Washingtons & a chance to hang out with the likes of Charlie Sheen, because you didn't spend your every waking moment painting her nails & curling her hair. (though, i hope that if she does start taking her clothing off for Charlie Sheen that she'll be doing better than George Washingtons tucked into her undergarments. Charlie seems like a klassy guy- i'm betting she'll get Franklins)

no. most likely your children will grow up to be well rounded adults who love & respect you & are greatful for eveything you've done for them.

when they're standing at the podium & giving their valedictorian speach (hey, i can dream), it's YOU that they will thank first. because they know the sacrifices you made so that they can be where they are & the sacrifices you will continue to make so they can go where they want (ie: Cornel, Yale, Harvard- just to name a few)

see? it's all good.

now- this isn't to say that if you want to be a stay at home mom then your kids are probably going to end up at a State school- because there is simply no proof to that...

i kid. i kid.

stay at home moms are insane.
and by insane i mean amazing.
and by amazing i mean i bow to you. for serious.

because when i think about being a stay at home mom i start sweating & my eye starts twitching. my mouth gets really dry & i feel like i might be hearing voices.

then i burst into tears.

because that shit is hard.

and the fact that you (probably) still have a smile on your face (and a grape jelly hand print on your butt) at the end of the day leaves me in awe.

fist pumps to you ladies. kudos & such.

...but if you feel the need to cut your eyes or "tsk tsk" me at the grocery store- then i will throw down.

because we all do what we have to do. and respect for our individual choices is key.

(this entry brought to you thanks to the woman, with her snot nosed kids, at the local children's store who felt the need to "tsk tsk" me after she overheard me say "oh, i have to work- they're with the nanny.")
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Bethany said...

bravo!!!!! i could not have said it better myself! thank you for this post!

Momma Wilson said...

from one working momma to another, well said! love love love this post:)

Natasha Middaugh said...

haha i love this! amen sister!

Jessica@The Southern Belle Baby said...

Great post! Being a working mom is freaking hard. Being a stay-at-home-mom is super hard. It's ALL hard. Because kids are tough!

You're doing a great job. Next time someone tsks you, tsk right back because they're mean. :)

Jennifer White Ramirez said...

Amen! I'm with you!

Anonymous said...

Thank you so much for this post. I REALLY needed to hear this. I am a working mom and struggle with the fact that alot of my friends are not and I feel like some of my friends view me as a "bad mommy" and that I don't care about spending any and all time with them. Believe me, I would love to spend all day with them. But the fact is, I just simply cannot. I have to work for health insurance and I personally like the fact that we have the money to be able to go out and do fun stuff with our kids (vacations, weekend trips, etc. And I am a firm believer in the fact that I cherish the time that I have with them even more than before. Being away from my precious babes all day and missing them super bad makes it so worthwhile when I pick them up from daycare and they scream out "MOMMY!!!" and run to me, covering me in big sloppy kisses. Gosh I love my kids. You seem like an awesome mom who loves her kids more than life itself. Just shake off the haters. They obviously have nothing better to do than judge.

E said...

WTF is wrong with women? Being a mom is hard. Period. Working outside the home. Working inside the home. It's all hard and none of the choices come easily.

I wish we'd just support one another instead of acting so bitchy all.the.time.

PM said...

I agree with every single word!

Ariel @ Dreams To Do said...

You go girl! I actually feel like I personally am a better mom because I work. I take advantage of every second I get with my daughter. And I too bow down to SAHMs because I can't even imagine.

Laura said...

I love your writing, you crack me up.

Ryan V. said...

Well put! At times I don't see how my mommy friends work full time and at times I don't see how my other mommy friends stay at home with their kids! It all sounds tough to me! I guess I will figure it out when the times comes! But kudos to you for working and loving your kiddos unconditionally!

MarMat said...

loooove your writing. seriously.
and thanks for putting this endless debate in such a simply positive message.
We are moms, we make decisions, and I know that my decisions might not be the best for you, but they are for me and that's what matters.
I'm in aweee to see you raise not 1 but already 2 kids and cook oooh my and time to blog. You rock!!

Beckie said...

love love love

Rachel said...

I have been tsk tsked to several times and it pisses me off. Would I want to be a SAHM? Nope. I need adult interaction. Do I feel guilty about leaving my son at childcare every day? Nope. At least not usually. He has reached all his milestones either with me or when he is visiting his Nana. Never at childcare. And if he does, she has politely not told as to not ruin his "first". God bless SAHM, but I couldn't do it. Same reasons as you, but I would be rocking in the corner to "Chuggington".

Erin said...

So well said, I agree 100%! Thanks so much for this post!

Becky said...

I'm currently a stay at home mom right now. I'd love to go back to work but this is the best option for for the time being. I have no shame in saying that I can't wait to be a working mom in a few years

Hilarious post! :)

Kara5109 said...

I actually wish I could get a job right now. I haven't had a job in a year and I think I am about to go crazy! Great post.

Juani said...

You are a real inspiration.My favorite 'mommy' blogger.BY FAR.Because you keep things real,like the cool kids call it.I'm not a mama yet,but I imagine that when I am one day (hopefully), I will be very much like you - loving my kids very much,but also having to work and provide for them,while trying to hold onto remnants of my sanity ;)

Seriously though,that lady in the shop needs to check herself,before she wrecks herself.Mom's have to stick together - working or stay at home.

Nicole said...

I LOVE YOU!! And you should have thrown down with that judgemental prick! Being a GOOD mommy, no matter how you do it (working mom or sahm) is tough but oh so worth every second, I hate judgemental people. As if there is only one way to do things and if you don't do it like them then they look down on you, douchebags!

Carol said...

Well done, my friend. I struggle with this sometimes. All of my friends are SAHM, they don't get my choice to work. I'm discluded from mommy/playdates that are held while I'm confined to my cubicle. But as my oldest gets ready for Kindergarten I'm reminded of how short-lived this debate is. Sure, I missed out on some stuff, but I'll be there to drop my kiddo off at elementary school, and I'll be there to pick her up too, all thanks to this super flexible job that I kept. I won't be any different from SAHMs then...and I'll have a paycheck on top of it!

So, I gotta know what did you say to that woman? I have a hard time believing you said nothing!

t.bird said...

much love ladies!

and carol- ha- i shockingly said nothing. i just looked at her. you know- an evil death look.

i'm not nearly as ballsy as i come off ;)

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tajibee said...

Thanks for posting this! I love it! I totally feel everything you're saying here, and btw your blog is hilarious!

My mom worked (and made more $ than my dad, as she liked to brag :)), and cooked dinner every night, and kept a clean house, and did laundry, and took us camping, and took us to musicals, and took us to ski lessons and art lessons and on long walks and traveling around the world. And pretty much spent so much time with us that we were constantly begging to be left alone! She was a better mom than MOST of my friends' stay at home moms were. AND she paid for me to go to college. And I grew up to be an independent woman.

Now, I'm not saying every working woman has to be a slave to her family, but my mom loved working, and she loved learning, and she loved spending time with us. She is my role model. I want to be a working mom like her. I want to be my husband's equal. I want to be able to quantify my value in that way, too, if I choose to! I want to show my kids that a woman's worth can be beyond the home if she wants it to be, and that it doesn't make her any less of a mother. I want my kids to grow up to want to be like me, not just looking back at the good memories they had with me, but also looking forward at the opportunities they have LIKE me.
That's why I have always wanted to be a working mother.

I have a SAHM friend that told me once, you have it so much easier, because you can just go to work every day. That made me laugh :).

Thanks for sharing your experience and thoughts.