Tuesday, September 30, 2008

well what do you know?

BFP!? yeah- crazy huh? as soon as i saw these lines pop up i started bawling- unfortunately they weren't tears of joy as one might think- ugh, here's the story:

my BETA after my FET was on 09/19 and it was negative (it was a 4- but yeah)
so i was ok with that, my period came & went & i moved on. then this past weekend i started bleeding & cramping & etc (see below entries) so i finally called the RE & went in for bloodwork & an ultrasound.
well they called & told me that my BETA is 364!!! what?! how?! so i drive back to Lexington & the dr asked a bunch of questions to try & rule out an ectopic. honestly though, they're not sure yet what's going on. it's too early to see anything so we'll just have to wait & see.
most likely this is a non-viable pregnancy (m/c) & it'll either pass on it's own or i'll need a little help (in the way of a shot or two)

aaaaaaah! so yeah- i don't even know. i'm trying not to focus on this- something i've wanted so bad & for so long is in my grasp & i'm not going to be able to keep it. it's not fair- that about sums it up.

anyway- i was lying on the bed, holding the FRE, sobbing & feeling sorry for myself when i saw a little paw shoot out- i had to laugh. gary was attacking the pee stick with a fury. it was hilarious. i got some pictures & started laughing histarically...and then started crying again. ugh- SO UNFAIR!!!! i want to ask God why? but i hate to question Him- He knows what He's doing & He has a plan for me- hopefully it includes a little bird :)



anyway- i'll keep everyone updated & we'll see where this all goes. i hate waiting- ugh.
wow- 2 lines on a stick- i really can't get over it. ::le sigh::
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15 comments:

Poeia said...

T-
It has been awhile since I have prayed, but today I did. And I will again tonight. I hope you have good news soon.

Nikki1007 said...

Honey I am praying for you with all i got. {{hugs}}

Marijana said...

You're in my thoughts, t. I hope more than anything that this might end up being something viable. HUGS and Leo kisses!

LDRN said...

OMG, how....weird!
First, I can't believe you had a negative beta number (that's a new one).
Second, I am definitely praying for you. I hope it IS the real thing & not a m/c...
Third, did you get an U/s???

kate said...

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I will keep you in my thoughts.

Just Me said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Just Me said...

OOPS!!! I deleted my comment!! : )

I said that Gary has hope for you too!!!

(And that there is something in my blog for you) : )

Echloe said...

Gary is the best cat ever!
You are in my thoughts. Take Care.

shawnandlarissa said...

Big hugs. I am praying for you. Take care of yourself.

E_Sharp said...

I really hope you get your miracle here and everything turns out great. Everyone pulling for you; I hope it helps in some small way.

Danse said...

I'm so sorry you're going through all of this - you'll be in my thoughts.

Yay to your cat for having some comic relief.

Sasha & Mark said...

Oh wow-- I didn't expect this??!! I hoping for the best for you.

May T said...

OMG T. I'm so sorry to hear. Prayers!

Andrea said...

I so hope this turns out good for you!! Good luck!! Praying for you!

Kristi said...

I'm so sorry you're having to go through this uncertainty right now. I'll be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers, and hoping that this work out for you b/c you really do deserve it. Stay strong & please keep us posted!

(((HUGS)))