thank you!

i just wanted to take a minute & thank everyone for their prayers, well wishes, thoughts, fingers crossed, breaths held- everything! it seems weird to take comfort in all of the above, from ladies on the internet, but it means everything to me.
it's hard to respond back to every comment so i wanted to do it in this post. thank you to everyone- you are all WONDERFUL!!!

hmm- well, while this whole thing has really sucked i'm trying to keep a positive outlook on things. we can obviously get pregnant, so that's good! too bad it wasn't in the right spot- i joked with brandon that this baby obviously had my sense of direction. der. :)

umm- my shot(s)of methotrexate (yes, TWO) in the ass weren't bad at all- i hardly felt them- so that was a plus. i had a little breakdown about everything while driving back to work- but then i decided that, that would be the last time. if you dwell & dwell you'll never get over it. so that's it! it is what it is & we're moving on.

we can't get pregnant for at least two months so during that time i'm going to pray that my levels go down QUICKLY & we're going to try & get in my LAP. then in December we'll probably do another fresh cycle with assisted hatching. hopefully. as long as my body & RE's office cooperates, that's how it'll be!

so what do i have to be looking forward to you ask? TWILIGHT! NOVEMBER 21st!!! OMG!!!!
aaand Thanksgiving, my favorite holiday. oh yeah- and cessna finally got her cast off and her foot looks all kinds of wonky- like seriously. i'd post pics but it sorta freaks me out. hopefully she gets some muscle tone back in that thing pretty quicly cause...yeeesh!

and that's that!!! thank you all again! hopefully the next time a pregnancy is mentioned in this blog, it'll be a healthy, viable one! thanks again!
xo

update

so my bloodwork & us today:
Beta= 559
US= ectopic

sooo- tomorrow morning i go in for bloodwork @ 7am & then i go in for a methotrexate shot (in my butt- eeek) to "dissolve" the "pregnancy"- then i go in 2x a week till my levels go down to 0. ugh- more waiting, i hate waiting.
at least we caught this early- after my levels are down to 0 then we'll go in & discuss having a LAP and whatever other testing the RE wants to do- blah blah blah.

ANYWAY- at least i have an answer & this will hopefully be over before too long.
so yeah- thanks for all the well wishes & prayers- all you ladies are the best!
<3

well what do you know?

BFP!? yeah- crazy huh? as soon as i saw these lines pop up i started bawling- unfortunately they weren't tears of joy as one might think- ugh, here's the story:

my BETA after my FET was on 09/19 and it was negative (it was a 4- but yeah)
so i was ok with that, my period came & went & i moved on. then this past weekend i started bleeding & cramping & etc (see below entries) so i finally called the RE & went in for bloodwork & an ultrasound.
well they called & told me that my BETA is 364!!! what?! how?! so i drive back to Lexington & the dr asked a bunch of questions to try & rule out an ectopic. honestly though, they're not sure yet what's going on. it's too early to see anything so we'll just have to wait & see.
most likely this is a non-viable pregnancy (m/c) & it'll either pass on it's own or i'll need a little help (in the way of a shot or two)

aaaaaaah! so yeah- i don't even know. i'm trying not to focus on this- something i've wanted so bad & for so long is in my grasp & i'm not going to be able to keep it. it's not fair- that about sums it up.

anyway- i was lying on the bed, holding the FRE, sobbing & feeling sorry for myself when i saw a little paw shoot out- i had to laugh. gary was attacking the pee stick with a fury. it was hilarious. i got some pictures & started laughing histarically...and then started crying again. ugh- SO UNFAIR!!!! i want to ask God why? but i hate to question Him- He knows what He's doing & He has a plan for me- hopefully it includes a little bird :)



anyway- i'll keep everyone updated & we'll see where this all goes. i hate waiting- ugh.
wow- 2 lines on a stick- i really can't get over it. ::le sigh::