Friday, September 18, 2009

status report


that's what's going on down under. i must admit, i'm really bummed. i don't think i realized how ready i was until the chance that something might be going on was taken away. ugh.

my internal exam wasn't terrible- but it wasn't pleasant either, i mean seriously, it felt like he was trying to reach my tonsils. at one point i literally screamed out DAMNIT!!!! and he apologized profusely, however, it could have been worse. it was mainly very, very uncomfortable.

anyways- he informed me that my cervix is nice & soft, but my inner cervix is like a fortress. like, he couldn't get his finger in there at all. closed up tight. like fort knox. gaaaaah.

so- he instructed me to come in next tues (9/22) for an NST & Ultrasound. so i go to schedule and guess what? they have nothing avail on tues. and i almost lose it. like, i had to take a minute to compose myself before i could speak to the checkout girl. a tear did manage to escape but i hid it well.

so- i have to go to the hospital on wed instead for the U/S an then to the office for the NST. freaking great.
i get my paperwork- walk out the door & start BAWLING! like, wtf?! i was just so bummmmmed. mainly because my OB said if everything looks good next week then they might not even try to take her until the following week...WHAT!? NO! i CANNOT wait that long!!!! argh.

so i cried myself home and decided i just need to suck it up. it's not like i can do anything, you know? and it really doesn't matter as long as she's ok- but i also worry about that. how long can she possibly be ok in there?! gosh.
i have to laugh too because i guess after an internal "normal" women are supposed to have a bloody show of sorts- yeah, not here! i had some weird "stuff" make an exit but no cramping or anything. aaawesome.

ah well- at least i found these ADORABLE doxie pieces at Gymboree this afternoon- on sale too!

::squee:: right? i'm pumped!

so that's that. at least i decided to be "done" with work- i can only imagine people's faces if i were to show up. meh.
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kate said...

Oh sweetie, I remember that frustration well. I know that nothing I say will make it easier to handle, but she will come out eventually. And things can change at the drop of a hat. It's just so hard when you've set your mind to 40 weeks and then that comes and goes and there's still nothing active happening. ((hugs)) Remember the eviction notice - it's the June 4th post in my blog. ;)

Hiker - Kelly B said...

Oh T, I'm so sorry. I know how it is to have that end date come and go. You made her the perfect nest and she just isn't ready to leave it yet. Keep your chin up, your daughter will be here soon. :-D

Rebekah said...

I'm so sorry. I'm surprised you didn't have an internal until this point, and no, it's not pleasant! I hate it for you. Hang in there. I hope something changes for you soon!!

shawnandlarissa said...

Sending tons of progress dust your way