Wednesday, September 9, 2009

bittersweet

so i'm sitting here at my desk & trying to figure out what body part i'm seeing move around inside me. i poke & feel at it, trying to figure it out- but she whips it away and starts doing God knows what in there. it's actually quite hilarious.

and then i get sad. it's so weird. i'm REALLY excited to meet her! i am, i want to see what she looks like, sounds like, smells like- all that jazz. but i'm also really sad that i'm not going to have her with me all day every day anymore. like seriously- i'm tearing up just thinking about it.

i love bringing her to work, shopping, the bathroom, cooking- EVERYWHERE! i love knowing that she's with me & that she's safe. i love talking & having her start moving. i love it when i poke at her & she pokes back- i love it all. and i'm going to miss that. i know i'll have her with me, but it's not the same.

it's like the begining of the "end". she's born & she starts growing up & up & up- and eventually she's going to be a big girl and go off to school, camp, clubs, driving, college, her own family- etc etc. oh my- i don't even want to think about it!!!

so for now, for these last few days, i'm going to really treasure every moment she's still inside me. not that i haven't been treasuring it already- but it's really hit me that sometime within the next 2 weeks (hopefully) she'll no longer be all mine & i'm going to have to share her with the world. i don't think i'm ready for that!!

seriously- i'm the most un-emotional, detached, not so very loving person you might ever meet. i'm nice enough, but i'm not very lovey dovey AT ALL. i'm sure people ask my husband all that time why he married me! poor guy.
but i'm so different when it comes to alex- who would have thought that this little person inside of me could change all that?! i haven't even met her yet & i love her more than anything in the world (cept for Jesus- der). and she makes me want to be a better person & do really nice things...AAAH!

i don't even know how to thank God for allowing me to be her mother. what an awesome gift- it's the BEST gift EVER (even better than the Maroon 5 tickets the husband got me for my 21st b-day when i was like OBSESSED with them) for real.
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7 comments:

Kelley said...

It's amazing how they do that, isn't it? Just wait until she's born. I didn't think I could possibly love Kayla any more than I did when I was pregnant, yet every day I swear I love her more still.

Congrats hon, can't wait for her to be here!

Marijana said...

Ok T--you are totally making me cry. Pregnancy really is amazing and there is no other time, at least I felt, where I could be sure that my baby is safe. The PP is right though, once Alex is here, you will love her more and more each day. I feel the same way about Gabriella.

HUGS!

Hiker - Kelly B said...

:'( Seriously, you summed it up very nicely. I am so glad that we women are the ones who get to enjoy the gift it is to carry our babies. I only miss having Lila inside when she's not with me, because when she is it is even more wonderful to hug and kiss her.

Leigh said...

you are right to treasure every moment with her inside. take video of the moving bump, get photos done, because you don't want to have any regrets.

can't wait to meet baby alexis virtually :)

Leigh said...

P.S. Love the new look blog

My open roads said...

I love the new blog setup, very sweet! Yes, do enjoy the rest of the days with the baby inside, it is something that can definitely be missed once it's all done and baby is out and about, all independent... :) best wishes for some good energy for you and bambina for the next days, while she's still inside :)

t.bird said...

ahhh ladies. :)
<3