lazy sunday pics of our "kids"

lol- they all love the sun, but cessna was really getting into it yesterday. gary looks like he's trying to pretend she's not there...stealing his sun.

ok- adorable, right? i came upon this little balancing act...

um- cessna....wtf?! sorry about the dog porn in this picture- God, she's so gross. the look on max's face as she grabbed his little peen is priceless.

brother was horrified- father was amused!

then cessna got tired from all her peen chomping- so she decided to sleep...

...on daddy's eye that is. lol- she's such a crackhead. luckliy she's cute, because after she ripped up my slippers on friday thought i'd hate her forever. but alas.

and that's all- that was our sunday- good times with the "children" :)

ok then

alright- so as of friday Oct 10th my BETA= 40!!! which is awesome because it's dropping crazy fast. also i've been charting this whole time & my temps have been dropping and i've been cramping & spotting & BAM! HUGE temp drop today and i just went to the bathroom and it looks like my period has come. now i think you're supposed to wait until your betas are completely at 0 before considering any kind of flow a "period" but i think it actually is.

take a look a my chart: http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/1c360d

ok- so looking at that i'd say that my body is doing what it's supposed to- yeah? i'm hoping. i'll see what's going on tomorrow and go from there- it looks like i'll hve to manually start a new cycle anyways.

i go back in on the 17th (this friday) for more (hopefully last) bloodwork & my wtf?! appt. i'm a little annoyed because we have to go all the way to Lexington for it, but there was no way i was waiting until the end of Nov for a Bedford appt. frig that. so we're gonna go in- tell him that i want a LAP, Assisted Hatching, an Endometrium Test & etc etc & see wht he says. if he agrees, then good, let's do this. if not, then peace out. we'll go elsewhere.

hmmm- and that's that for now. i'm bummed that it's already Sunday afternoon & it's back to the daily grind tomorrow but what can you do? at least Family Guy is on tonight- if it's as funny as last week's i'll probably die. serously- i almost peed myself last week.

ok- as promised about 15 years ago: here's a couple pictures from this past summer. i never got around to really posting them so i'll put a few in here:

the husband & at one of my best friend's wedding: 08/08/08. um- i don't think he was really that miserable...

captain cheri (adkins) & i on our GoG, GtG weekend.

me & the TTC6+ girl on the swing...weeee

and lastly, my newest niece, Jael. the one i have yet to meet. she was born on June 28th and- yeah. crazy long story that i've typed up before. hopefully i'll meet her soon- but yeah. this is the one they thought was a boy, which explains why she's dressed like one :)

so yeah- i'll post more later. cause everyone likes pictures :)

thank you!

i just wanted to take a minute & thank everyone for their prayers, well wishes, thoughts, fingers crossed, breaths held- everything! it seems weird to take comfort in all of the above, from ladies on the internet, but it means everything to me.
it's hard to respond back to every comment so i wanted to do it in this post. thank you to everyone- you are all WONDERFUL!!!

hmm- well, while this whole thing has really sucked i'm trying to keep a positive outlook on things. we can obviously get pregnant, so that's good! too bad it wasn't in the right spot- i joked with brandon that this baby obviously had my sense of direction. der. :)

umm- my shot(s)of methotrexate (yes, TWO) in the ass weren't bad at all- i hardly felt them- so that was a plus. i had a little breakdown about everything while driving back to work- but then i decided that, that would be the last time. if you dwell & dwell you'll never get over it. so that's it! it is what it is & we're moving on.

we can't get pregnant for at least two months so during that time i'm going to pray that my levels go down QUICKLY & we're going to try & get in my LAP. then in December we'll probably do another fresh cycle with assisted hatching. hopefully. as long as my body & RE's office cooperates, that's how it'll be!

so what do i have to be looking forward to you ask? TWILIGHT! NOVEMBER 21st!!! OMG!!!!
aaand Thanksgiving, my favorite holiday. oh yeah- and cessna finally got her cast off and her foot looks all kinds of wonky- like seriously. i'd post pics but it sorta freaks me out. hopefully she gets some muscle tone back in that thing pretty quicly cause...yeeesh!

and that's that!!! thank you all again! hopefully the next time a pregnancy is mentioned in this blog, it'll be a healthy, viable one! thanks again!
xo

update

so my bloodwork & us today:
Beta= 559
US= ectopic

sooo- tomorrow morning i go in for bloodwork @ 7am & then i go in for a methotrexate shot (in my butt- eeek) to "dissolve" the "pregnancy"- then i go in 2x a week till my levels go down to 0. ugh- more waiting, i hate waiting.
at least we caught this early- after my levels are down to 0 then we'll go in & discuss having a LAP and whatever other testing the RE wants to do- blah blah blah.

ANYWAY- at least i have an answer & this will hopefully be over before too long.
so yeah- thanks for all the well wishes & prayers- all you ladies are the best!
<3

well what do you know?

BFP!? yeah- crazy huh? as soon as i saw these lines pop up i started bawling- unfortunately they weren't tears of joy as one might think- ugh, here's the story:

my BETA after my FET was on 09/19 and it was negative (it was a 4- but yeah)
so i was ok with that, my period came & went & i moved on. then this past weekend i started bleeding & cramping & etc (see below entries) so i finally called the RE & went in for bloodwork & an ultrasound.
well they called & told me that my BETA is 364!!! what?! how?! so i drive back to Lexington & the dr asked a bunch of questions to try & rule out an ectopic. honestly though, they're not sure yet what's going on. it's too early to see anything so we'll just have to wait & see.
most likely this is a non-viable pregnancy (m/c) & it'll either pass on it's own or i'll need a little help (in the way of a shot or two)

aaaaaaah! so yeah- i don't even know. i'm trying not to focus on this- something i've wanted so bad & for so long is in my grasp & i'm not going to be able to keep it. it's not fair- that about sums it up.

anyway- i was lying on the bed, holding the FRE, sobbing & feeling sorry for myself when i saw a little paw shoot out- i had to laugh. gary was attacking the pee stick with a fury. it was hilarious. i got some pictures & started laughing histarically...and then started crying again. ugh- SO UNFAIR!!!! i want to ask God why? but i hate to question Him- He knows what He's doing & He has a plan for me- hopefully it includes a little bird :)



anyway- i'll keep everyone updated & we'll see where this all goes. i hate waiting- ugh.
wow- 2 lines on a stick- i really can't get over it. ::le sigh::

update

so my stomach still hurts & i'm still bleeding so i called my RE- i have to go in for bw & an US tomorrow because my beta from last week was a 4 instead of a 0 and they need to make sure there is nothing "in there". according to my RE's office- anything over a 2 is positive, but i thought it was anything over 5- so who knows? all i know is that my stomach hurts & i'm sick of bleeding.

also- i just purchased another year long VIP FF subscription- awesome.

what the hell?

if anyone wants to explain this to me then feel free!

after my failed FET, my period came & went by the 19th. then i spotted for a day like usual & then it stopped. then along comes the 25th and i start spotting again like my period is on it's way. ok weird- but no biggie.

along comes yesterday- we were going to the fair early so we left & went to my parent's house first to drop the dogs off- i'm feeling a little bloated & gassy(?!) but i chalk it up to the Fiber Tablets i've been taking- but then my stomache really starts to hurt & i'm looking more bloated than ever- like really bad cramps, gas & a stomache ache. maybe my pants are too tight?
we start walking around at the fair & i still hurt, but i'm also hungry- so who knows? then my cramps are horrible & i've got to pee again so we go to the bathrooms- well i take a look & BAM- it looks like my period has started. wtf?! it just ended? i'm so confused!!! whatever i guess. so we walk around more & i feel a couple gushes (gross) so when we get to my parents i go check & sure enough, more bleeding/clots. this sucks.

well we go home & i basically bleed for the rest of the day & feel like i did after my ET (crampy, bloated, aweful) i'm not bleeding much by the time i go to bed so oook- but when i get up this morning to pee, BAM- more blood & my stomache feels worse. now it's not really like cramps- more like an aweful stomache ache that's radiating from my pelvis all the way up. like when i press on my stomache or pelvis area, it hurts.

ugh-anyway. the bloating isn't as bad & it doesn't hurt as bad as yesterday but i still don't know what's going on. it's not a UTI because i've had one of those & that was different. there is no blood in my urine & it doesn't burn when i pee or anything. its just...?!

any ideas?! any doctors read this blog? i think i'll let this run it's course & see how i feel tomorrow. i can still function so it can't be that bad, right?
this is super lame. oh, here's my chart: http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/1c360d