Thursday, January 13, 2011

making a mental note

things you shouldn't let your toddler walk around with:

- an oreo cookie
- half a pop tart
- a cup of Chex
- crayons
- a sippy cup that ISN'T spill proof (wtf was i thinking?!)
- basically- anything & everything

why?

because the oreo will end up in the VCR, the pop tart will get smeared on the flat screen tv, the Chex will get ground into the area rug, the crayons will get devoured (um, do they taste good?!), the sippy cup will be emptied onto the couch & everything else will probably end up in a bad way as well.

honestly- i probably shouldn't have given her an oreo- but i'm a glutton for punishment. as for the pop tart- she stole it off my plate & there was no way i was taking it away from her for fear of her wrath.

seriously- i'm not anal about cleaning my house, but every time i turn around i find some kind of food item or wet spot. or a mummified apple. nasty.

and can you believe that THIS is the "creature" responsible?

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yes- her. (it's not freezing in our house- my child simply insists on wearing her hat 97% of the time)

and then the constant spots of spit up are courtesy of this one:

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look- i even caught her in action:

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nice huh?

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"yar- i be spittin' up on yer rug & keepin' ya up all night. yarrr."

and here she is- questioning her love for me as i make her engage in tummy time:

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"hmmm- do i still love...?"

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"screw you mom- i quit. neck muscles are overrated."

and the both of them:

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plotting my demise. death by laundry- or something to that extent.
and did i forget to mention the dogs- the one that you can see chewing onhis paw int he above photo?

yeah- they leave wet spots too. drool, piss & vomit. and yet i'm supposed to love them unconditionally...explain the rationality of that to me?!

oh- and lest i forgot- alex loves to "feed" the dogs- which = a shit-ton of tiny dog food balls ALL OVER MY HOUSE:

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"ALEX STOP FEEDING THE DOG!!!"

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"NOOOOOOO!!! MAMMA NOOOO!"

omg kid- where are your pants anyway?! oh that's right, they're soaking wet because you thought it'd be wicked neat to play in the dog's water bowl.

much love little ones.

did i mention we're interviewing nannies tomorrow? you bet your bottom dollar "light housekeeping" was on the list of requirements!
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18 comments:

sfloyd said...

This post made me laugh so hard! thanks for making me feel better on this crappy, crappy day!

Mitzi G. said...

I am laughing right now but will be getting my pay back for doing so soon enough!!

Bethany said...

So awesome!!

Erin said...

I love your way with words and the camera :) Made my day . . . and hoping you find a good nanny!

Nicole said...

I seriously don't know how you do it, I can't even fathom having another one for at least a year! You have to tell me where the Elmo bib is from, my daughter loves loves loves elmo more than life itself!

Raising Madison said...

OMG the food nuggets all over my house are OUT OF CONTROL. Madison loooooooooves feeding the dogs. lol.

Kate said...

Thanks for the laugh - this is all too familiar!

Erica said...

lol i sooooooooo totally see that cute lil face wreaking hoavoc on your house...hahahhaa....cuz my 3 yr old still does it all day every day....no matter what i give her!

Katie said...

and yet.. your pictures still make my usually narcoleptic ovaries quiver.

Emily said...

So I am pregnant with baby #2 and this post made me laugh and loud and want to run and hide in a corner at the same time!

Your girls are breathtaking!

Lisa [at] Vanilla&Co. said...

Hahaha. Love this post. Very relatable!

osuraj said...

I laughed out loud at this post, super funny! I can relate. :-)

M said...

hahaha It is so fun to read about Alex. I'm slightly starting to think about turning and running from the 2u1 idea.

Ana B said...

Made me laugh too! My two year old - same thing. Today she had a little dry cereal in a bowl, in the living room. She casually comes up to me and asks for some water in a bottle, so I gave her just a tad, maybe an ounce. Of course next thing I know she's doing food experiments in the living room... and I thought I had the place ready for guests tomorrow!

t.bird said...

ha- thank you ladies!

seriously- when i find dried oreo smears on my sofa all i an do is laugh. and cry. and swear off oreo buying.

Nicole- TARGET! you get two bibs for like $5- Elmo & Abby.

alex wears them 24/7- seriously. just try & take them off of her. she'll end you.

M- 2u1??!?!?! ::screams::

Emily- yes, you will cry. ha. a LOT!

Mitzi- oh you know it!

Sarah-Anne said...

i wanna be your nanny...oreos, spit-up, dog vomit. all of it. i think you can cart me off to the loony bin now. ;)
Sarah-Anne

Diana @Hormonal Imbalances said...

Bella is obsessed with the kitty's water. I don't understand it. Just this morning she was in it 3 times.

Your kids are so cute. Your house looks so cozy too. And hey, I was a nanny. For years. I also hired ones when I left. And now we're looking for a pt sitter/nanny as well. So if you need any info or have questions, let me know. I'm here. :)

Carol said...

I snorted at the "dog balls" line. My littles love to feed our dog by dumping the dog food balls out in a pile and they end up scattered where only the ants find them. FUN!