30 day hell

so the other day as i was walking past the mirror aisle at Target i noticed that my jeans didn't look as super fly as they once did.

at first i assumed that it was because i need new jeans. but upon closer inspection i realized that it wasn't my jeans that were sagging- it was my ass. and thighs. and anything else on my body that has the ability to sag.

i recoiled in horror & then did that thing. you know- that thing every woman does where she stands sideways in the mirror & lifts her butt with her hands.

here! here is where my butt should be.

and then i did the same with my stomach & chest.
lasty- i stood facing the mirror & pulled the jean fabric at the back of my thighs nice & tight.

oh look- there it is- the elusive thigh gap.
release fabric. no thigh gap. le'sigh.

then a store emplyee walked by & caught me fondling myself.
he smartly averted his eyes & kept walking. that's right buddy- move along. this is my aisle.

i turned around & glared at my children. "this is your fault!" i told them.
and it is- kind of. but not really.

see- thanks to my children i now have "battle scars" - i saw this term used in some empowering woman article crap thing so i've decided to use it. battle scars. like a gladiator. a gladiator that gets torn open & bleeds but doesn't die.

if you think about it, that's actually exactely what happens when you have a kid.

BUT- i do get really skinny after pushing them out. like skinny enough that people ask me if i'm eating. skinny enough that i can wear leggings as pants (i know i know- it's a no no).
skinny enough that i can eat whatever i want & not worry about it.
but then i stop breastfeeding & quickly gain 5 pounds. like legit overnight. 5 pounds. bam.

and then 10. and then, my clothes still fit but i should probably consider a pair of Spanx if i want to wear the form fitting dress.

what i'm getting at is that the extra weight & complete lack of toning & upper body strength is all me. my fault. because i love food & i hate exercise. simple as that.

however, after my Target mirror aisle wake up call i mentioned to the husband that i want to work out. go to the gym. sweat. drink water. wear meshy workout clothes. etc etc.

at first he was like, "are you cheating on me?"

to which i replied, "of course. i'm easily able to squeeze in midday trysts with some guy i met at the grocery store. i have all the time in the world for that. duh."

anyway- he said that was all well & good (me working out, not the trysts) - but when? seriously- when? i have no time. not even 1 hour to slip away to the gym. & that's the honest truth.
i work all day- get home. take care of the girls. the husband gets home at 7. girls go to bed. we eat. now it's 9pm. and only crazy people work out at 9pm & later.

crazy insane people who have a gap between their thighs.

so i was bummin' & then i ate a bunch of cookies & drank Bailey's. for like 4 days. epic.

then yesterday at work i was like- "eff this!" if i'm not knocked up i'm going to be in shape. or at least be able to walk up the stairs without considering the need for an oxygen tank.

so i got home. took care of children. put one child to bed & waited until i saw the husband's truck light in the driveway.

then i rolled out my mat, picked up my 3 pound weights & took a deep breath.

Hello Jillian. how are you? look at you. all in shape. thigh gap. flat stomach. abs. weird face (i'm sorry- it's true). other in shape stuff. cool workout digs. let's dance.

and we did. for 20 minutes Jillian & i had a connection. there were a few interruptions- like alex stealing my weights & pitching a fit because i wasn't paying attention to her. but after the husband realized i was serious (ie: i'm not stopping to control our child), he sighed loudly & took her downstairs.

20 minutes later i was a pile of jelly. Jillian signed off & i dragged my ass to the kitchen & drank water like a dying man in the desert. my hand was shaking a little & some water trickled down my chin.

it was all very dramatic.

then i ate a cookie. for energy. i'm weak.

but yeah. Day 1 of the 30 Day shred = complete. tonight = Day 2. tomorrow, Day 3 & etc etc.
i'm going to do it. because i really don't have any other options.

on top of that- i'm attempting to eat healthy. right? i know, it kind of sucks. a lot. but it's not all bad.
an apple instead of chips. ideal? no. better? yes. i guess. i add a smidge of peanut butter & i get my salty fix.
water instead of juice. this actually isn't bad. i squirt in some Mio & i'm good to go.
oatmeal instead of a muffin. i love oatmeal & it's cold out now. so i'm down.
carrot sticks instead of cookies? not gonna happen. ever. sorry. but at least i only eat 2 cookies istead of 4.

and the list goes on. i'm also adding on the Green Monster Smoothie (i'm sure you've seen it on Pinterest. it's supposed to be the bomb.) & some Weight Loss Water to my daily routine.

i'm excited. i don't expect to look like a mirror body image of Jillian...ok, yes i do...but i do expect to look better in 30 days.

i guess i should take before & after pictures. so that's my goal tonight. before pictures. & straightening my hair- because my office Christmas party is tomorrow & i need to maximize my time so i can attempt to look presentable.

and that's what's up.

so tell me- do you work out? do the 30 day shred? PDX90? lift your butt in the Target mirror aisle?

Canvas4Life Giveaway Winner

according to Random.org, 6 is the perfect #

& #6 =

Hooray for Leslie! & hooray for 70's porno mustaches!

shoot me an email with your address & i'll get your gift card right out to you!

give thanks

"Giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ."

~ Ephesians 5:20

I think that about sums it up- yeah? short & sweet.

thank you Lord.

have a wonderful Thanksgiving!

Canvas4Life Review/Giveaway

who'd like to take a gander at our Christmas photo for this year?

that's right. all 4 of us looking in the same direction at the same time. incredible. thank you Photoshop.

now, who'd like to see this picture on canvas?

...and i figured i'd take one outside for good measure

awesome right? the folks over at Canvas4Life did a killer job putting this photo on canvas. the colors are spot on & the canvas is beautiful.

now i just have to figure out where to hang it. living in a log cabin = a lack of legit wall space.

it's a cross i bear.

so back to the canvas- it's awesome. and i feel like everyone should have a favorite photo on canvas. it's big (or small if you want), pretty & it's a nice change from framed prints.

canvas' also = a kick ass Christmas gift.

"Merry Christmas mom & dad!"

"oh dearest child- what ever could this be? another framed picture for our walls?"

"sort of...open it."

"well ok...why, what's this? oh it's beautiful! you're our new favorite!"

bazinga.

see? total present winner.

with that above scenario still playing in your mind- why don't you head on over to Canvas4Life & look at all the different options. tons of different sizes & what not (fyi: my canvas = 16x20)

and if you do happen to order one- take off 10% by using the promo code trinabird.

Happy Merry Christmas Holiday Hanukkah Kwanzaa to you.

aaaaand, i'm also giving away a $20 Canvas4Life gift card! this is the part that all of you were probably waiting for.

all you have to do is leave a comment telling me what picture you're most likely to put on your canvas- your kid? your dog? yourself? Obama? (who knows, maybe Michelle reads this. just sayin')

just make sure you leave your comment by Fri Nov 25th @ 11:59 PST

i'll announce the winner on Mon Nov 28th & pop your gift card in the mail (you'll have 24 hours to email me your info)

good luck! and again, for those of you that don't win remember that you still have a 10% promo code at your disposal: promo code trinabird

disclaimer: Canvas4Life didn't pay me or anything. they simply said, "hey do you want a canvas?" & i was all like, "hellz yeah!" & they were all like, "ok cool. when you get it- put it on your wall & tell us what you think. bam."
and so i have. that's it. nothing fishy going on here.

this week

i'm going to start by giving you guys a little present:




twinkle light pictures for the win.
i wish i could fully make you understand how evil taking these pictures were.

the plan was to setup, convince children to smile with m&m's & marshmallows, snap pictures, edit pictures & pat myself on the back for a job well done.

20 mintutes tops. right?
wrong. so wrong.

setup alone took a good 40 minutes thanks to my tiny house. also, children seem to have a fascination with anything they're not allowed to touch. like setup stands. light. white blankets (for the love of God- do NOT touch that white blanket with your toddler hands). etc etc.

eventually i set up & attempted to wrangle them in. i shook a bowl of m&m's in front of their faces (much like you would do with a puppy) & this got their attention. but said attention was soley focused on getting m&m's (& marshmallows for brynn) into their mouths.

"alex, smile!"
"no! more?"
"ok- but only if you smile..."
"...no...::lip shakes, eyes fill up, tears flow::"
"ok ok- fine. here! see? m&m is yummy! please stop crying!"
::happy alex. unhappy me::

bribery fail.

and brynn- she was actually a little better. but she just kept moving. you know, like babies do. the nerve.

eventually i called it & they somehow got their hands on the entire bowl of candy/marshmallows.

we won't discuss that.

out of 100+ shots i got those 2 up there. both girls clearly have marshmallows in their mouths & brynn's smile can only just be called that. barely.

but whatever. i did it. i win. go me.

in other news. it's Thanksgiving week. i have the rest of the week "off".
i'm stoked for an addtl 4 days with the girls. i'm also wary that they've already devised a plan to make me question ever taking time off again.

we shall see.

so this week is going to be filled with playing, diapers, milk, Yo Gabba Gabba, baking, cooking, pictures, naps & attempting to reason with 2 little girls.

i'll also be doing a sweet Canvas4Life review/giveaway. think, Christmas gift ideas...score.

happy Monday!

you understand- right?

it's been over a week since i last updated.

if i told you i'm cringing over that fact would you forgive me?

i'm not gonna lie- i looked down at my calendar last week & i couldn't believe it was already wednesday. then friday. then...my bad.

you've all heard my excuses- i'm tired. tired. tired. busy. sick. so much to do. tired some more. work. play. errands. more sick. diaper rash- etc etc. so i'm just going to recycle all of those. because once again:

- we are battling a diaper rash. i cannot wrap my head around a child sitting in a poopy diaper long enough to aquire a rash. but that's what went down on friday. the husband picked up the girls (from my in law's) & when brynn started screaming, not even 30 min after they go home, & i took a gander in her diaper- ugh. so much red. so sore. her poor little butt.
i was furious. in fact, i'm still annoyed. i do understand that rashes happen- but come on. so this weekend had me watching for every poop & pee & running around cleaning up after the trail my diaperless 11 month old left.

it's better today. but the girls are at my mother's (another location where rashes seem to occur) & all i can do is hold my breath for a bottom that look at least the same, if not better.

- i am truly busy. i've had a couple of shoots (yay) among other things & plus it's hunting season. which means many hours sitting in the woods doing God knows what (the husband- not me) which leaves me with the girls. which is fine. but busy.

- the holidays are fast approaching. this means cooking, baking, making gifts (i'm cheap this year), getting cards ordered, cleaning, etc etc

- brynn's 1st birthday is also coming. it's going to be small but still- cards to order, a meal to plan, a cake to bake. the works.

- life crap. we (or should i say the husband) own a condo aside from our home. we couldn't sell it when we bought our house so the husband's brother moved in with the intention of renting it until he could buy it. long story short- that didn't work out. a year later, my father moved in- but rent free. finally we decided we needed rent- so my younger brother moved in last month & we thought we were good.
...yeah. not so much. now he can't pay. so out he goes. and once again we're left with paying another mortgage.
so now i'm rushing to replace the carpets, clean & update & hopefully get this place rented out to someone who IS NOT family.
paying 2 mortgages + childcare (which = more than our mortgage) is NOT fun. at all. in fact, it's downright depressing & slightly stressful.

- the list goes on.

i'm really not complaining (well, perhaps a tad) but sometimes i just want to sit down & not have to worry about anything. work, bills, children, husband, life, cars, animals, other people...

but that's not how things work. so i pull up my bootstraps & make time & energy for everything.

then again- looking back at my list- should i really even be complaining at all? so many people are dealing with so many more things. things that i can't even imagine or being to try & comprehend. some of the things i mentioned aren't even "bad" things.

the holidays? those are wonderful. just busy.
so should that be something that tires & annoys me? probably not.
but am i tired & annoyed? yes.

goodness- now i feel guilty.
perhaps you should disregard everything you just read because in all reality- my life is wonderful. & normal. & full of so much. even if that "so much" does include exhaustion & way too much laundry.

and this, people, is how my brain works 24/7. wavering bwtween guilt & justification. frustration & happiness. contentment & selfishness.
i'm not the only one- am i?

i'm going to blame this random rambling entry on the fact that brynn kept me up until 12:30 this morning. & i had to be up by 4. yeah- you do the math.

anyway- if you've made it through the above, here is a gift for you eyes.

i had a shoot @ the most beautiful location this past weekend.





right? ok. i feel a little better now.

the girls

happy weekend