do all the things

i love fall. i love the holidays. i love eating all the food & shopping for all the things.

my goal this year is to stop & enjoy all the things.

the husband always tells me that i like to "be busy". clearly he is crazy because i'm probably one of the laziest people you will ever meet. no, i do not like to "be busy"- but he is correct in the sense that i'm always on the go. i may not "like" being busy but i'm always "being" being busy. does that make sense?

"hey, can someone do this?" OMG ME!
"hey, can you make 13 cakes & 20 dozen cookies?" OMG YES!
"hey, i really want this for Christmas..." OMG I WILL MAKE IT & OR BUY IT ASAP!
"hey, brynn's birthday is coming up." OMG THIS PARTY WILL BE EPIC!!!!
"hey, Thanksgiving dinner...?" OMG TURKEY & MASHED POTATOES & BOOZE!

you get the idea. i'm busy & i say yes & stretch myself too thin & forget to step back & take time to enjoy all of the things with the people i love. i'm not saying you can't be busy & enjoy- but for me there needs to be a balance. i need to learn to say "no" or just accept that others can accomplish things on their own. my way isn't the only way (omg. did i just say that?!?!)

it's sort of like when the girls get really tweaked over something. & then another thing. & then that. & then OMGMELTDOWNYOUDON'TLOVEME&IHATEALLTHETHINGS!!!!

so i call a time out, chill out & take a breath. damn kid.

so i guess this year i'm putting myself in a timeout. chill out. take a breath. damn trina.

yes- there are still things that need to be done & will be done my me. but not all of it. not so much that instead of relishing the experience i'm bemoaning it. not so much that i can't see past my annoyance to the joy of my children & others. not so much that people see a raving lunatic instead of a slightly frazzled working mother of 2 who badly needs a haircut but is still pretty stoked with life.

this is my plan. & i'm voicing it to remind myself.

i know very well that Pinterest will try & foil my plan because she is an evil temptress with her DIY's & delicious calorie filled desserts & my birthday is better than your birthday pins- but no. time out.

this may also be bad timing on my part seeing that i'm leaving for a short work trip to Raleigh tomorrow & what else is there to do on the plane besides PIN ALL THE THINGS...!

Lord help me.

this sucks

as of 01/01/09 i will no longer have coverage for IF.
thanks to my company's merger, they've decided to go with shit insurance out of NC (a state that doesn't mandate If coverage) so that's that.

technically- my insurance will cover IF dx & treatment- but only up to $2,500 max per lifetime. um, excuse me? what the fuck is $2,500 going to cover? absolutely nothing- that's what. also there is NO coverage for IF drugs, what-so-ever. good Lord. i knew this was coming but i didn't really prepare myself for it. this sucks so bad.

sooo, now i'm trying to cram everything into this next two months. CD1 is today (sort of, it's not exactely "heavy flow" but i know it will be by tomorrow) so i called & scheduled my hysto. & endo. biop. for next wed (11/19) @ 3pm.
i also let the nurse know that my insurance is changing so i need to try & move things along- however the methotrexate shot is really biting me in the ass. technically i'm not allowed to "get pregnant" until 01/03 (3 months) but my RE said that if my insurance changed, they would "work with me"- ie: do the transfer & such before the 1st- ugh. i hate this! why should i have to rush at all?! i shouldn't! this isn't fair!

whatever- they haven't said that they're closed for the holidays so if they are, and have neglected to mention that, then i'm going to flip the fuck out. this HAS to work- and i want freaking quads so i can be done all my baby making in 1 shot. seriously.

so yeah- that's about it. i had a pretty good weekend & i was feeling pretty "ok" until today. now i'm just bummed. i was very blessed to have coverage & now that i won't anymore, i almost feel like God is saying no. why else would this happen? maybe He's punishing me for being so bitter & bitchy- i don't know! but i hate to think like that- i'm literally begging Him to make this work. i know it doesn't work that way, but i don't know what else to do. i'm already trying to figure out if there is a PT job i can get where the company provides IF coverage- doesn't Starbucks have that?! wow- i'm so desperate. this is sad. no one should have to feel this desperate.

ok that's it- i'll write about my weekend (my mother got ordained- squee!!!) & post pics later. for now i'm going to wallow in self pity.