Monday, January 7, 2013

i'm pregnant part 2: how, when & why

this is where i dish on all the technical & completely non romantic/spontaneous piece to this whole baby #3 deal (ie: no, this is not a 50 shades of Grey baby)

here is my chart(s):

April 2011: brynn turns 4 months old & my body decides that despite the insane amount of milk i am still producing, i should start having my period on the regular. so we decide, what the hell? let's make another baby. cycle#1 = no go.
May 2011 - July 2011: we give it the old college try. still no go. brynn is still breastfeeding. i go in for basic testing (in prep for an FET cycle) & all my levels = perfect.
Aug 2011: FET#1. we have 5 perfect blast left over from my 2 original IVF cycles. for this cycle we go aggressive & use the 2 leftover from IVF#2 & 1 leftover from IVF#1. i have a perfect cycle, perfect transfer, perfect #'s & a perfect transfer. no go.
Sept 2011 - Feb 2012: old college try again. brynn stopped breastfeeding back in Sept. still no go.
March 2012: FET#2. we transfer the 2 remaining blasts from IVF#1. this cycle was weird. i managed to ovulate through the Estrace intended to stop ovulation)- but we procede with a natural FET because the timing is perfect. again, perfect transfer, numbers, etc. still no go.
April 2012 - July 2012: more college trying. i start acupuncture in April & continue through July. i also take an insane amount of vitamins & supplements. i also make the husband take sperm supplements. you name it, we do it. still no go.
August 2012 - Sept 2012: we seriously consider taking out a loan for a fresh IVf cycle. but damn- $18k is a tough pill to swallow. we decide not to. we have 2 awesome kids & i'm going to focus on them. we'll keep trying, but we're not spending another cent. still no go.

Oct 2012: same old. i get my period. i ovulate. etc etc. BUT- this time it's different. i notice bright red spotting on CD 7. weird. i ALWAYS start spotting (brown) on CD 10. then my cycle starts on CD 12. like clockwork. but this time i spot on CD 7, 8, 9 & 10. it starts off red (CD 7) & then turns brown (CD 9).

my nose goes into overdrive. i can smell sounds. & colors. & dinner from 3 nights ago.
i'm tired. so hungry. & i get night sweats like mad.

then i realize it's CD 10. maybe i'm pregnant...?!?!
CD 11 & then 12 & i haven't spotted in 2 days. in fact, my period is MIA. & i know. i just know i'm pregnant. but i'm scared. because i'm probably not, you know? dude- i could have tested 3 days ago but i'm EFFING SCARED! if i see 1 line i'll probably punch something.

CD 13. monday morning. the house is empty. i've sent off the husband & the girls & i'm getting ready to leave the house for work. i have to pee. i say eff it, grab a First Response & pee on it.

i set it on the counter. i wash my hands (being careful to NOT look @ the stick) & then...i just glance at it.

2 lines. 2 VERY pink lines. 2 freaking crazy awesome lines.

i do this weird jerky dance thing, then i burst into tears & stop. i blow my nose. splash some water on ym face & tuck the stick in my pocket (hell yeah i did). off to work.

i'm happy all day. omfg. best secret ever (well, i tell 1 person. but it's only fair.)

& the rest is history. i call my OB & they treat me like any other normal pregnant chick & tell me they'll see me in a few weeks. i tell the husband...i honestly forget when. sooner than last time.
life goes on. i see the OB- pee on their stick- "Congrats!"

i go on a work trip. i take care of 2 toddlers. i go to the grocery store & buy Christmas presents. normal stuff. i wait 10.5 loooong weeks for an u/s (goodness!). 1 little baby. measuring right on track with a heartbeat.

sweet relief. i get my NT scan, everything looks great. more relief. we finally tell family & friends right around   12 weeks or so. boy bets are places. life decisions are inquired on. etc etc.

& now. i'm 14 weeks 2 days. i feel good. i don't look pregnant. belly pics haven't happened since 9 weeks because, yeah. there is nothing to see.
but i feel pregnant. the nausea has pretty much all but gone- it pops up randomly when i need to eat. i' at peace with the decisions we've made in regards to our future. i feel like i still have forever but then i realize this pregnancy is already flying by. i pray pray pray for a healthy baby. i'll take a girl. i'll take a boy- whatever works. whew.

so there you go. we are SO thankful for this baby. s/he is an absolute blessing. i have no idea why 2 FET's failed & 15 other college try cycles ended in BFN's. in His time. it's actually very humbling for me. it makes me sit down & realize that it happened when He decided it would. not me. & whether that had taken 2 cycles or 18 or even 36- it was His decision. his gift to me. dude. mind blown. God's pretty bad ass.

i had actually JUST gotten to a place of acceptance & letting go. letting go of being sad & angry. letting go of being annoyed & questioning "why, why, why!?" a few blog reads (from other ladies going through the same thing) were more than helpful. i saw so much faith & trust. & once again, i was humbled. i wanted that. i needed that. i think maybe he was waiting for me to get there. i don't know.

& that's that. this is MY story. this is how it happened for ME. i don't want anyone to think i'm pushing my beliefs or thoughts on the matter onto them. & i'm definitely not telling anyone to relax. Lord knows i never did. to this day i still don't think "relaxing" has any say in this whole baby making thing.
this is just what happened with me & what led me to this point.

many thanks to those who thought & prayed. i had ment'd our struggled on instagram & i was more than thankful for the reach outs & good thought & prayers. thank you thank you!

& i continue to pray for those that i know are still on this journey themselves. whether it be for baby #1, #2, #3 or #7. it doesn't matter. my prayers are coming your way- boom.

& this was a novel. my apologies. but looking at charts are fun, right? or am i the only weirdo who thinks that?
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Allison said...

Not the only weirdo--I love looking at charts, even though it's been a long time since I charted.

Congratulations! So happy that it happened when it happened for you. That means that this is the perfect baby for you (or at least that's what my husband and I tell ourselves when we talk about waiting to get pregnant with our oldest).

Caroline @ The Feminist Housewife said...

What a crazy journey, and how exciting. Congrats on # 3!

We are expecting our third the middle of May.

Best wishes for a smooth pregnancy! Congrats!!

Joanna said...

Congratulations!!! I'm so excited for you!

mama foosa said...

that is one pretty chart :)

my bets are on a boy - i don't think your life is quite crazy enough right now, so you probably need a little monster running around peeing on all your shit ;)

congrats again! i'm so happy and excited for you!! prayers for a fabulous pregnancy!

Ryan V. said...

Amazing! Congratulations! :) I'm so happy for you. Got chills reading your story. Prayers for a healthy baby!! Now when you get a bump, we all want lots of pics!

Erin Wood said...

Thanks for sharing! My heart has always gone out to those struggling with infertility, but after our first pregnancy (and subsequent miscarriage) the 4 months of charting and the up-and-down emotions were enough for me. Stories like yours leave me in awe - and your perspective is amazing. May God continue to use baby #3 to teach you and mold you - can't wait to "meet" him or her, and to watch your bump grow! Praying for health and a smooth transition to having FIVE birds in your nest! :)

Zaralex said...

Just wanted to remind you I am happy for you... and can't wait to hear all about updates, whenever they happen :) and your surprise is going to be sent out this week. I swear.

Faren said...

Happy dance for you! I'm beyond excited for you! I can't wait for more updates of baby bird #3!

Jill said...

Our bodies have a way of working some crazy ass ways... but I'm so glad that it has all worked out and that you're having another beautiful baby!

I'm so happy for you.

Tabitha said...

WHAT?!? How am I just know reading this?! I am the worst blog friend. Ever. I am so excited for you! God is so good, and His timing really is perfect :) Congradulations sweet friend!! XOXO

Anonymous said...

Awesome! I must be a weirdo too, cause I like looking at charts and all that stuff! So happy for you!!

Laura said...

I loved reading your post! But I wanted to leave a comment to you to say Thank You because I needed to read that post so bad. I am praying for a third child, but not sure if it will be in the cards for us. I keep praying about it, but then I also say "wow, I've been given these two amazing children". I just hope in God's time we can have more too. Thanks for your post.

Katie Robinson said...

I just found your blog. :) Congrats! I'm pregnant as well (with our second) and due July 2nd. I have a very different story (a year of trying off and on, a miscarriage, and so on), but we have the same conclusion: it is all about God's timing. Like you, I fretted the whole time, but came to recognize that He is the one who gives all perfect gifts. I'm excited to follow your story. :) And your girls are gorgeous!