then: 18 weeks & 6 days
now: 20 weeks & 5 days
at first, pregnancy seems to crawl along at a snail's pace.
- it usually starts with a hunch: "weird, i usually like toast & eggs so why does the very though of eating them horrify me..?"
- or sometimes it starts with a lightbulb moment: "i think i'll wear my favorite white pants today because they look fabulous on me! but wait, it's thursday...shouldn't i be playing it safe with black pants because my peri...omg! when is the last time i got my period?! omg!" ::frantic searching through bathroom drawers for a pregnancy test:: "oh shit, what does 2 lines mean again?!?!?!"- & then again, maybe you're a hardcore charter + symptom analyzer: "dude, i ovulated 12 days ago, i'm hot flashing like my mom & i want to eat all the foods. shit just got real."
regardless of how your condition came to light, to the light it came & with it all time slowed. no longer are there only 24 hours in a day, there are 300 YEARS IN A DAY! no longer is, "ok, we'll see you in 2 weeks for your appointment!" an acceptable response- no, "YOU'LL SEE ME RIGHT NOW AT MY HOUSE & BRING A PHYSIC!"
4 weeks. nail biting, toilet paper inspecting, every twinge questioning.
5 weeks. rinse & repeat.
6 weeks. & again.
7 weeks. ok...it's almost safe. only 6 more weeks till my 2nd trimester....
8, 9, 10 weeks. oh my GAWD. i don't want to tell yet, but i clearly look like cookies are my favorite...
11, 12 weeks. when does this madness end?!
13 weeks. ::breath:: ok- we're good. hell yeah. "guess what world? i make humans. boom."
does that sound about right? maybe not, maybe you were chill & accepting from the get go & completely unaffected by the sudden crazy vortex that can settle on a woman after seeing 2 pink lines on a white stick.
if so, you should probably write a book full of your secrets because it's going to make you rich.
but, if you're anything like me, the above describes you pretty well. & i don't think there is anything wrong with that. we all want to be "safe". we all want our babies to be "safe". we all want the same thing, to be told that everything is ok & hold proof of that in our arms 9 months later. simple.
so waiting for that first appointment seems like forever. & waiting to see that beautiful heartbeat seems like an eternity. & waiting to get awesome blood results back & too see your body changing & to feel those flutters & then kicks & then watch your belly come out of nowhere- yeah, 300 years in a day people.
but then it's almost like a switch is thrown & all of a sudden you're on a train. a slow & pokey train that is quickly picking up speed & all of a sudden you can no longer make out single rocks & trees because everything is a blur.
this train is going really fast. & realistically you know that it's still going to take a while to get to your destination, but you feel like your final stop is going to be here before you know it & you haven't even started gathering your things.
i think that switch comes at a different time for every woman, but right now i just realized i'm 1/2 way there & i feel like i left the station yesterday. i haven't taken a nap or read my book or even opened my snacks.
ok that's a lie, i totally opened my snacks, ate them all & then cursed myself for not bringing more. but the other stuff, yeah- haven't done that yet.
so yes, for me the snail's pace has ended & i've switched over to warp speed. or hyper drive. or if we want to keep it in the animal family, i'm now riding a cheetah. or a unicorn (because i'm assuming unicorns are even faster than cheetahs).
i also think this switch has come a little bit earlier with each pregnancy. i'm sure my outside children have something to do with it. whatever it is, shit gets real overnight & the husband's "to do" list gets really long & thank God football season is over because "ain't no one got time for that."
however, i'm trying to take a step back & enjoy at the same time. yes, i'm incredibly eager to birth this baby & hold him/her. to count fingers, inspect ears & a nose & watch him/her blend seamlessly into the fabric of our family.
but whoa now, i also want to sit back & remember to appreciate the snail & it's pace. to enjoy the now. to really cherish this little bit of time i have left with just my 2 littles. to watch my belly grow & really marvel at what our bodies can do (because seriously?! it's insane). to watch winter turn to spring (ok i'll be honest, i want that to come faster) & spring to summer. to enjoy 1 more Easter, 1 more Mother's Day & 1 more Father's Day just as we are. to easily hold 2 little hands. to say, "4 tickets please!" a few more times. to just be.
that's my goal, because holy crap- 20 weeks & 5 days pregnant? yes, already.