Wednesday, May 16, 2012

mother


i carried alexis & brynn for 40+ & 40 weeks, respectively.
i pushed them out of my body & lovingly examined mouths & noses while anxiously counting fingers & toes.
i curled my toes & tasted the silent tears that dripped from my tightly squeezed eyes for 2 weeks straight while they got the hang of breastfeeding.
i pumped at all hours of the day & night to make sure that they would have plenty to eat.
i walked around in a sleepless haze & clothing crusted with spit up & mustard seed poop, all the while rocking & swaying & shushing.
i crept into alex's room to count her breaths & watch her happily sleep swaddled in her crib.
i curled myself into a tiny ball at the edge of the bed & slept lightly for 6 months to allow brynn the safety of bed sharing that she so demanded.
i sat in the Target parking lot for an extra hour or more to allow for an unexpected nap.
i went back to work to provide for them, amongst a mix of feelings that included sadness & relief.
i drive all over God's creation to make sure they're well cared for & healthy.
i do laundry multiple times a day.
i read the same book 10 times in a row.
i wipe tears, butts, mouths, sticky fingers & noses with alarming regularity.
i buy things that i swore i never would, simply to see them smile.
i make 2 & 3 dinners- because hello mother- "I DON'T WANT CHICKEN!" (even though i said i did)
i am endlessly on the move. just because. someone needs me. someone is falling. someone needs a hug.
i cheer their accomplishments, listen to their "stories" & feign interest in Dora & Team UmiZoomi.
i think about them from the minute i wake up to the moment i fall asleep.
i'm proud & happy & hopeful & scared & everything all at once- for them
i feel my heart swell when they declare their love for me.
i spy a stain on my pants & smile because i remember how it got there. (or frown because, dude- these pants were $35 dollars!!!)
i say yes & no more than i ever thought i would.

i simply sit & hold- even when i have a million things to do- because that's what they need.
i already miss all of those things that will no longer be needed as they grow, but i also look forward to all of the new roles that will be required of me.

i hug & hug & hug.
i kiss & kiss & kiss.
i love, love love, love- being a mother.



happy belated mother's day. i'm 100% sure you're all pretty kick ass.
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12 comments:

Suzanne said...

That was a beautiful post - and you guys are so so gorgeous!

Sarah-Anne said...

so beautiful! you girls are so lucky to have a mama like you...and such a stylish one at that. i love your outfit!

twentyfeettall said...

*tears*

Where'd you get your dress!! In love..

Krysta said...

Love these pictures. All three of you look adorable!

Bethany said...

lovely post - you and your girls are darling!

Jen said...

Love this post! Happy belated mother's day!

Kate Schillaci said...

I love this Trina! You said it all perfectly.

Liza said...

This is beautiful!

MomNom said...

Why are you always so gosh darn adorable?! WHY?

Jen said...

beautifully written..can completely relate!

Zaralex said...

this was wonderful :) thanks for updating... and yes I know bad person, life took over, I ate the cookies!!!!!!!!!!!!

mama foosa said...

a super belated mama's day to you, pretty mama! love everything about your photos - especially the dresses and chickens :)