she's invading my dreams

so i'm sure everyone has heard of blair.
blair whom? the famous blair from The Heir to Blair- duh.

anyway. i "know" blair from thebump.com and by "know" i mean sometimes i reply to her threads & sometimes she replies to mine.
we're by no means bff's or anything.
we don't chat or hang out or go shopping or even text.
i don't stalk her or try to to be her best e-friend- but i do have a healthy respect for her ability to capture the attention of thousands of readers who now feel like they know her well enough to refer to her as "Blair, daaaaahling"

anyway. last night i had a dream that blair & i were grocery shopping with our children. her platinum haired son was strapped to her chest (hello moby) and my raven haired daughter was chillin in her carseat.
we were in the freezer aisle & blair reached for these new frozen potatoes that you steam in the microwave & then mash up.

well as queen of mashed potatoes, i informed her that: i would "i would never use those. it's a waste of money & just as easy to peel & cook them yourself & blah blah- self righteous etc."

to which she basically replied: "STFU! WHEN MY SON IS SCREAMING & MY HUSBAND IS HUNGRY I DON'T WANT TO PEEL, BOIL, DRAIN & SEASON POTATOES! LET ME HAVE THIS!!!!"

jeeze. so i immediately felt bad and offered to by her pinkberry after we were done shopping. she agreed & all was forgiven.

nice dream- eh? the reason this dream is slightly odd is because:
A. blair lives down south, i live up north. the possibility of us grocery shopping together is slim to none.
B. i don't even know if blair likes mashed potatoes- i assume she does because she's an American, but i don't know for sure.
C. there are approx ZERO pinkberry's in my area. wtf?!

so yeah. sometimes internet celebs invade my dreams.

and with that, i encourage all of you go & read blair's blog (although 97% of you probably already do)- it's a good time. which is why she's #1 on Top Mommy Blogs & i'm #141...

(ahem- VOTE (for me) PRETTY PLEASE- hint hint!!!)

Q&A and oldskool pics

TWO NEW THINGS! i need to "spice" things up- so here you go:

#1. Q&A
ask me ANYTHING & i will do my best to answer every question with brutal honesty. you can ask under your blogger name or Anonymously- makes no diff. as long as you're not asking for my SS# & bank routing number- i'll answer.

today is Wed Jan 27th- so you have until Tues Feb 2nd to get your questions in! i will then post a blog between Wed-Fri answering your questions. FUN!

#2. OldSkool Pics
so i've decided to show you the "old me"- that's right- we're talking circa 1998, 2000, 2001 & so on. everyone like to see old photos- even of complete strangers- so i'm going to deliver.
once a week i'll post a bunch of oldskool pics of myself & let you know where & when.
feel free to gawk & lol. seriously- i was weird.

OldSkool Pics Edition#1:



where: Mongolia
when: summer of 98'
- i was 14 & on a mission trip with Teen Missions Intl. i went around the world (Germany, Russia, Mongolia, China, Taiwan, Phillipines, Hong Kong- etc) and told people about Jesus. it was one of the best summers of my life.
please notice how much i look like a boy. my mother made me chop all my hair off because showers weren't a sure thing in other countries. good times.


where: church office (NH)
when: 1999
-i was 16 & very intent on being a hippy. i lived & breathed Birkenstocks, tye dye & drug rugs. i listened to the Beatles & bummed cloves off of friends from work. i was it. for real.

where: Nyack College- Nyack, NY

when: 2000-2001

-i was 17 & fresh off the homeschooled train. i transformed from a hippy- to a preppy- to an emo kid- to a punk rocker & ended the schoolyear as an "i'm better than you'll ever be" indie kid

this was the year that changed my life. i met people, kissed a boy, wore a thong, straightened my hair, put on makeup, dyed my hair, discovered Abercrombie & Fitch, found the internet, realized that i loved punk rock shows, made lifelong friends, learned how to be an adult & so many other countless things

by far, the best & worst year of my life.

i lived with 5 other girls in the married student housing appts. this meant we had access to boys ::GASP:: when everyone else on campus was on lockdown. we scored said appts by enrolling at the very last minute. it ended up being a big win for us.

that year went by so fast- and the only person that i still keep in contact with is miss Amanda (crazy, blond hair girl)

she's one of my best friends & i have to say she had a big part in making me who i am today.

and that concludes OP's Edition#1. stay tuned for more fun times next week.

and don't forget to ask me questions. ASK ASK ASK! i will answer.

BLOG GIVEAWAY!

CLOSED!!!

in an effort to:

1. be the coolest person you've ever know (on the internet)
2. get to somewhere in the top 20's on Mommy Blogs

and last but not least:
3. obviously break myself

i've decided to do some wonderful things on my blog.
what kind of wonderful things you ask? well, to start- GIVE AWAY FREE CRAP!

that's right. i buy it- you get. sounds like a good deal, huh? i should say it does.

what's the catch?

it's easy- all you have to do to "enter" is:

1. follow my blog

2. vote for me on Top Mommy Blog/Baby Blogs (little buttons on the right)

3. leave a comment telling me that you've done (both) so & what you'd like to see more of in my blog. and by "more of" that means anything- Q&A's, more free stuff, TMI entries, peektures- etc etc etc. whatever you want.

i think that sounds MORE than fair!

my hope is that the companies that sell the cool stuff i intend to give away will notice me (somehow) and then ask me to do giveaways for them (ie: i don't have to pay for it but you still get it :)

a girl can dream

so my first giveaway:

Boon Grass countertop drying rack

i love Boon- their products are presh & fresh. when alex starts eating food she will be eating it from Boon utensils & dishes. and when she starts splashing about in the tub- she will be splashing with Boon's duckies. this is the reality.

so- once lucky reader (and follower, ahem) will be mailed this lovely drying rack. seriously, who doesn't want this?

so. start following & comments people! the winner will be chosen @ random on Mon Feb 1st!!! i will then announce the winner on Mon Feb 1st & that person will need to contact me (via e-mail) with their address & such. i promise i'm not a stalker & will only be sending the prezzie in the mail- nothing more :) also, the prezzie will come from the company (ie: you are the recipient) so whatever their TAT is, is when you shall receive it! fun!

so you have until Sun Jan 31st to "enter"!

Good Luck!

4 months old!

holy crap! i can't even believe it!!!

alex loves her new Lamaze Octopus. acutally, i think the husband & i love it more. it smells just like marshmallows. for real.

happy 4 months baby girl!

photography

what's in my camera bag you ask?

well let's start with my actual bag:

Lowepro Micro Trekker 100

- this is a great bag, it's fits all my current crap PERFECTLY! if i ever get more, i'll need a bigger bag- but i've always stuck with Lowepro!

now, onto the goods: the camera

Nikon D90

- i lusted over this camera. i begged & pleased with the husband. i was rewarded with a resounding "NO!" over & over. so i gave up.

so imagine my shock when i pulled it from under the Christmas tree last year (christmas 08')

"...what!? no way!"

yeah- woot!

the lense:

Nikon AF-S DX NIKKOR 18-200mm f/3.5-5.6G ED VR II Zoom Lens

-i have to thank the guy who sold my husband the camera for this thing. he told my husband to nix the crappy kit lense & buy me something nicer. so he did- and i'm happy!

the lense hood:Nikon HB-35 Lense Hood

- is it bad that i've never used this? nor do i know why i would? shame.

the flash:

Nikon SB-600 AF Speedlight Flash
- i am ashamed to say that i've only used this flash...never. i'm sorry! i didn't realize how great it actually is. all the things you can do with it- aaaah! even now, after pulling it out last night, i'm so overwhelmed.
the girls on thebump photography board are experts. i sit under their table of wisdom & lick up the crumbs. hopefully i can figure this thing out & put it to good use- the husband will be grateful.


and there you go! in my humble opinion- i think i have some pretty top of the line stuff. the sad thing is that i really don't know how to use it. i've had all this for over a year & i'm just now starting to learn things. i've finally started shooting Manual instead of Auto and it's crazy.
i downloaded Lightroom & CS4 & i'm SO OVERWHELMED! i've got this awesome flash and no idea how or when or why to use it!!

i need a personal photography tutor. that would be awesome.
but i'll learn. i HAVE to!

breastfeeding (or a lack there of)

per a request- i was going to type up a long entry about how alex refuses to breastfeed.

well what do you know? last night i offered her the boob, just to see if she had any interest, and she happily accepted it & drank her fill without any fussing.

what?! who is this baby??? she's definately not my kid! my kid SCREECHES at the site of the boob- in fact, all i'd have to do is un-hook my nursing bra tank & her head would whip around excorcist style & she'd glare at me as if to say, "if you try to put that thing in my mouth, i will end you!"

so what is this sudden change of heart? after all- it's been a month since she's last latched on. is it a fluke? was she too tired to fight? hmmm- do i dare try it again tonight???

i think i shall! maybe she misses it as much as i do. that must be it, right?

so, last night i sat there. breastfeeding my child, stroking her lovely hair & talking to her about everything in the world. it was a wonderful moment, which i cherished....until she bit me. HARD! wtf?! you LITTLE!!! that's it- you're CUT OFF! as i shrieked and desperately tried to break her latch, she had the gall to look up at me & smile. smile BIG - and then, laugh. LAUGH HARD!
evil child.

but anyway- we'll see.

but i wanted to type it out anyway:

about a month ago alex started fighting me tooth & nail when i tried to breastfeed her. her eyes, that used to light up at the site of my nursing tank coming un-done, now looked, frankly, pissed off. but the bottle- oh boy- her best friend! she'd see it coming & squeal with anticipation.
why?! it's the same stuff! what's the problem!
i tried different positions, i tried switching from bottle to nip (on the sly)- everything- but no go. she just wasn't having it. so instead of fighting with her, i decided to let her have what she wanted. the bottle. i started pumping exclusively & honestly, we were all much happier.

she could happily eat, my nips were safe from her teething frenzy & the husband could watch the 49ers lose in peace (haha)

not to say i didn't miss it- there's just something about having your child depend SOLEY on you for food that makes your heart swell- but her happiness was far more important than my "needs"

so that's what we've been doing. momma pumps & baby eats from a bottle. no biggie.
and most likely that's still how it will be 95% of the time. i'm going to try to get her to latch again tonight- but if she doesn't want to then she doesn't have to.

i'll just continue to warm up her bottles (she's freaking picky) and make sure she eats one way or another. such is life :)

IKEA!

so this weekened Manda finally managed to make it down to NH (yay!) so on saturday we trucked out to Ikea. woot!

good times were had by all. we found deals, nifty things, ate awesome food & all that jazz.

however there was one heart stopping moment- right after lunch as we headed towards the elevators, miss manda dropped my D90 (ie: my 2nd baby) right onto Ikea's lovely concrete floor. i literally felt my heart stop as i watched plastic pieces scatter across the floor. the look of horror on manda & my husband's face was proably only 1/10th of the horror on mine. omg- my camera.

poor manda- she apologized profusely as she started gathering up pieces. i shushed her of course, after all- it wasn't even her fault. the straps on my Nikon are faulty & i hadn't noticed her holding the camera by them alone.

the husband fished the last piece out from under some carts & as we assessed the damage my spirits lifted. what do you know?! my baby was fine! the only casualty was the plastic piece that covers the view screen & that is easily replacable. everything else popped back into place & there wasn't even a scratch to be found. i took some shots & everything seems pretty ok. i was obviously relieved- but i think my husband was even more so. he's the one that threw down mad $$$ for my baby & if it was broken...eek.

whew. dodged a bullet there. however, i'm going to get a better strap & possibly have a camera guy check the body/lense over- just to make 100% sure. i'll also need to order another view screen cover- but it could have been much worse.

anywho! here are some fab pics of our day. i'm pretty pleased with how they came out (after some Lightroom editing) i'm very muchly trying to get the hang of this camera thing...








manda & alex







alex trying some lingonberry- it may not look like it, but she was a big fan.


princess cake- eh.


chocolate cake- omg!





alex & daddy!

and because they're too presh not to share:



alex's new slippers. ZOMG! aren't they the most adorable things ever?! thank you oh mighty consignment store! they are so soft & fluffy ::squeee::

my only qualm- i'm 99% sure that's real rabbit fur. yikes- sorry little bunny :(
but they were only $3.75- how could i pass them up? she'll be able to wear them in the fall. i literally cannot wait!

"natural" bottle warmer

as we headed out the door to Ikea this weekend, i realized that my mother still had our portable bottle warmer ::shakes fist::

i was a little worried because alex pretty much turns her nose up @ cold milk & since she refuses to breastfeed anymore, all i would have in my possession was cold milk. hmmm, what to do?
i surmised that i would figure it out when the time came.

so, the time came (or it was going to come in about 30 min- ie: she'd be hungry) and we didn't have access to any hot water whilst dithering around at Ikea- so what did i do? i took the bottle:

...and after looking at it for about 20 seconds, i put it between my breasts. yep- tucked it right under my shirt, all warm & snuggly into my boobies. i mean, you couldn't even tell it was in there- it was perfect.

and what do you know? 15 min later when i pulled it out- warm as could be. PERFECT! she drank it right up w/o any complaints. i was giddy with joy. look at me! not only am i a mom, but i'm also a bottle warmer!!!

if this doesn't catapult me to SUPERMOM status then i don't know what does! OMG! GO ME!

the husband and my friend (amanda) made sure to compliment me on my amazing abilities, but i don't think they were quite as excited as i was. but that's ok.

seriously- it worked like a dream. so if you're ever out & about with a cold bottle & a hungry baby (to be)- use your boobs.

picture day

i'm thinking of starting a blog for the 365 pic challenge...but i'm oh so lazy sometimes. oy.

PRAY!

PRAY FOR HAITI!!!

Haiti's tragedy hits very close to home for me- my mother, who is a minister, is heavily involved with the Haitian community here in NH. in fact, she organized & has been bringing Haitian exchange students over from Haiti for the past 5 years. i've been around the Haitian community for most of my life & i don't think i've ever met happier, more loving & compassionate human beings.

currently my family has a 15 year old Haitian student living with them & we are unable to reach his family (which resides in Port-au-Prince)- we also had a student graduate last year & return home to Port-au-Prince & so far, we've also been unable to reach him. also, the MANY MANY MANY Haitian families that reside in NH are unable to reach many of their relatives- they can only assume the worst until they hear otherwise.

so PLEASE! keep Haiti in your prayers- i can't even imagine the horror.

clogged milk duct #2

dude i had another one yesterday- and it was killer. huge & painful- wtf?!
i hope this isn't cronic- i might die.

after much boob abuse i finally got it to un-clog. but jeeze- hello painful.

Sunday Morning

sundays = delicious

le' sigh. LOVES!

clogged milk duct

i had my first clogged milk duct this morning- um, it sucked. and this is what happens when the clog becomes un-clogged:

milk on the counter. that's right- after hours of hot water, massaging, heating pad & cussing- i noticed a drip drip drip as i leaned over the counter- i started hand expressing & WALLA! out it came. it was super.

this will remind me not to half ass my pumping sessions in the future. for real.

eczema

so after watching a couple red, dry spots come & go from my child, i decided to drag her to the pedi. i had a sneaking suspicion that these dry patches weren't simply from a lack of lotion (because God knows the child hates it when i try to lather her up- for real, just like her father) but something more ominous...dun dun dun. could it be...eczema?!

hmm, so the pedi checked her out & confirmed my suspicions- eczema it is! thankfully it's a very mild case (literally about 3-4 small spots- but the main one being right on her forehead- my poor cyclops) that should clear up soon. she also suggested that i stop using Johnson & Johnson because my child has the most sensitive skin ever it seems. she suggested Aveeno- now we tried Aveeno when alex had her first bath & she broke out with a rash. but that Aveeno was lightly scented (tsk tsk) so a fragrance free soap is what i need!

so after work i picked her up & headed over to Target to pick up our steroid prescription (for her eczema) & some Aveeno. THAT'S IT!

what do you know? $58 dollars & 1 hour later i emerge with those two things, plus a bunch of other crap i don't need (like Twizzlers & Little Debbie's cakes)- i hate you Target. but i did score some super cute Dell Studios clothing (they were on clearance!) and the most adorable nightlight. seriously:

are you kidding me?! a must have in our house.

so yeah- then we headed home (much later than usual)- she ate, was bathed, slathered in Aveeno Creamy Lotion (much to her dismay), smeared with her steroid ointment, kissed & snuggled and tucked into bed. sounds like a good night to me.

anyway- then i proceded to do what i do in a zombie state (i'm tired people) and fall into bed. then the husband proceded to do what he does & beg for maritals- well since it's been awhile (actually it's only been 2 weeks but to men that's like 15 years) i gave in.

and surprise surprise- it was fine. i didn't even need to lube up (so i thought)- so as i skipped into the bathroom, with thoughts of tossing out the KY, and sat down to pee...i almost shot off the toilet. um- wtf?! pee burns!!!! my vag felt like i had rubbed it with sandpaper & then poured alcohol on it. like seriously- worse than after i had alex. so as i sat there with a cold wipe held to the lady parts, letting urine trickle through my fingers & snot drip onto my leg- i realized that next time i will embrace the lube. because while the initial "doin it" might be fine- the aftermath is hell.

lesson learned.

then i crawled into bed & glared at my happily sleeping, sex sated husband and fell asleep dreaming of ways make him feel the pain that i felt. luckily for him, i couldn't think of any.

alas!

a year ago today...

a year ago today i saw this on the bathroom counter & almost wet myself:

i then went & dug this out of the trash (from 2 days prior) and realized that my BFN had turned into a BFP:

i was completely in shock. i was on fresh IVF#2 after BFN's from IVF#1, FET#1 & FET#2 and i was positive that i wasn't pregnant. i mean, i was bleeding for God's sake! but there they were, 2 perfect lines. omfg!!!

and now i have this:

tee hee!

so as i sit here on my 2nd day back to work (and alex's 2nd day with her Nenae (my mother) it's hard to wrap my head around the fact that 1 year ago today, i realized that my baby making factory was finally up & running.

i wish she was here so i could squeeze her, but alas, we'd like to afford more kids so here i sit...working.

crazy. <3

p.s. i also have a new niece as of yesterday evening! welcome to the world Jayden! all 9lbs of you!