a year ago today...

a year ago today i saw this on the bathroom counter & almost wet myself:

i then went & dug this out of the trash (from 2 days prior) and realized that my BFN had turned into a BFP:

i was completely in shock. i was on fresh IVF#2 after BFN's from IVF#1, FET#1 & FET#2 and i was positive that i wasn't pregnant. i mean, i was bleeding for God's sake! but there they were, 2 perfect lines. omfg!!!

and now i have this:

tee hee!

so as i sit here on my 2nd day back to work (and alex's 2nd day with her Nenae (my mother) it's hard to wrap my head around the fact that 1 year ago today, i realized that my baby making factory was finally up & running.

i wish she was here so i could squeeze her, but alas, we'd like to afford more kids so here i sit...working.

crazy. <3

p.s. i also have a new niece as of yesterday evening! welcome to the world Jayden! all 9lbs of you!

17dp5dt & peek-tures

first things first: since beta#3 is on the morrow- i decided to POAS when i got home. cool? yes.

so i did it- still pregnant and the test line came up RIGHT AWAY & WAY before the control line and as you can see- it's way darker. that has to mean something, right?
*i know it really means nothing, but still. anywho- superness.


next: LMAO at cessna's "ponytail"- she looks foolish & i love it. weepy eyes & all.
*she hated this- she was rather irked with me

lastly- check out the VERY late christmas present that FINALLY came in for the husband.

he is obsessed with black & green & it's nearly impossible to find b&g shoes that he A. likes or B. fit him. so i went to www.kswiss.com and custom designed some for him. it was loads of fun & worth every cent.

when he walks in the door tonight...BAM! he's gonna be ticked pink!

*woot!!!

and VERY lastly- i'm either getting a UTI or the p4 supps are bothering me- i really can't decide which i think it is- if i still feel "bothered" tomorrow, i guess i'll call the PCP & have them do a dip stick test. better safe than sorry.

9dp5dt

JAn 6th- 9dp5dt- 5:05am- it's even darker!!! squee!!! i hope i'm not setting myself up for dissapointment! i told the husband last night & he was happy- but he's as wary as i am. 1 more day!!!

8dp5dt OMFG!!!!!!

*UPDATE*- nurse called back- she simply told me to continue with my progesterone 2x a day & come in on wed- booo! i want a test NOW! but i'll be patient...argh!!!

ok- so i did a couple things that i thought i would never have/be able to do:



1. i cried in the shower last night & asked God why? i try to never question Him- i have no right- but i was just so upset. then i apologized & listed all the things i am thankful for.

2. i got up this morning- still spotting- went to work a whole 5 hours early (i'm working the late shift & i forgot- grrr) so i came home & POAS just to make sure that i wasn't KU.

3. i left the pee stick on the counter- went & took my pants off & wandered back in- saw the BFP & started sobbing & praying. i literally SHOVED a progesterone tablet inside of me & begged God to let this one stick.

4. i ran to the trash & dug through it, looking for Sat's pee stick (i know, so gross)- i found it & stared at it- the "BFN" that i saw on sat was now a BFP!!!

5. i called my nurses & asked them to PLEASE call me back!!!

6. i took all these pictures & i'm putting them here for all of you too look @ and reassure me & tell me that everything is going to be fine!!!!



the above was dug out of the trash this morning!!!!

the above was taken this morning!!!!

ok so now i'm worried!!! why was i bleeding yesterday? it wouldn't be implantation bleeding would it? because i got a positive...? i don't know!!! or could it be???

and my test this morning is darker- but is it dark enough? and i'm still spotting (brown)- & i kind of have craps on my left side- i don't know though. God- those nurses better call me back soon- you think they'd let me get a beta drawn today?!!!

the most concerning thing is the cramps on my left side- i hope this isn't another ectopic- also my cramps in general- i feel like my period is coming RIGHT NOW!!! ugh!!!

well what do you know?

BFP!? yeah- crazy huh? as soon as i saw these lines pop up i started bawling- unfortunately they weren't tears of joy as one might think- ugh, here's the story:

my BETA after my FET was on 09/19 and it was negative (it was a 4- but yeah)
so i was ok with that, my period came & went & i moved on. then this past weekend i started bleeding & cramping & etc (see below entries) so i finally called the RE & went in for bloodwork & an ultrasound.
well they called & told me that my BETA is 364!!! what?! how?! so i drive back to Lexington & the dr asked a bunch of questions to try & rule out an ectopic. honestly though, they're not sure yet what's going on. it's too early to see anything so we'll just have to wait & see.
most likely this is a non-viable pregnancy (m/c) & it'll either pass on it's own or i'll need a little help (in the way of a shot or two)

aaaaaaah! so yeah- i don't even know. i'm trying not to focus on this- something i've wanted so bad & for so long is in my grasp & i'm not going to be able to keep it. it's not fair- that about sums it up.

anyway- i was lying on the bed, holding the FRE, sobbing & feeling sorry for myself when i saw a little paw shoot out- i had to laugh. gary was attacking the pee stick with a fury. it was hilarious. i got some pictures & started laughing histarically...and then started crying again. ugh- SO UNFAIR!!!! i want to ask God why? but i hate to question Him- He knows what He's doing & He has a plan for me- hopefully it includes a little bird :)



anyway- i'll keep everyone updated & we'll see where this all goes. i hate waiting- ugh.
wow- 2 lines on a stick- i really can't get over it. ::le sigh::