this is what's up

first off- it's march 19th & Easter is in less than 2 weeks. so like any normal human being, my mind is focused on flowers, new grass, warmer weather & possibly skipping the tights when donning our Easter dresses.

but no. today march decided that it has a love affair with snow & dumped a good 6-8 more inches off in our yard. lovingly, like it's a gift that we should thank the 3rd month of the year for. "what's this? more snow?! oh my! you shouldn't have!"

so now, saying the word "spring" feels like i'm saying a dirty word. in trying to educate the girls about the seasons (& justify buying more flip flops) i say, "yes! spring is coming soon...." & then i stand there all twitchy & bitter because i'm clearly a liar.
look at me- wearing wool socks, sweatpants & my bathrobe while uttering the words "spring is coming."
look outside- at the layer of white, frozen ground & freezing temperatures.
look at our propane bill-  dear God, look at it!

i could go on, but i think you catch my drift.

secondly- in 2 weeks my current working full time working mom status will change to a part time status in preparation for a...full time stay at home status. damn. i'm all kinds of excited/worried/freaking out/pumped/what have i done...
this is going to be completely new for me. i have ALWAYS had a job. always. i've never really seriously entertained the idea of staying home (at least not full time) & outside of maternity leave, the longest i've ever been at home with the girls (without a "reprieve") is a week. tops.

but adding a 3rd child completely changes the dynamic of our lives. there is also the fact that KB (nanny) will be leaving us at the end of this month to prepare for her own new addition (in may) & 3 toddlers + 2 newborns just wasn't going to be a viable option for any 1 person to handle. add onto that the random schedule of Pre-K that will start in Sept & the mind blowing cost of 3 children in daycare...well, that made our decision for me to stay home almost a no brainer.

thankfully, i'll be able to transition into this new role by cutting back my workweek to 3 days. i'll be working part time through april & may & wrapping up in june. that'll give me a few more weeks to get "used" to staying home 24/7 before baby bird #3 arrives. it also gives me a few extra weeks with my girls. just us- before we introduce a game changer.

wish me luck. or rather, give me ideas on what to do all day, how to stay sane, how not to go to Target every day, etc etc.

thirdly- i wish i had pictures to share. real pictures that have been taken with my real camera that cost me real money & that i should spend more real time using. but alas. i do not.

my iPhone has become my go to & even then, i don't take nearly as many pictures as i could/should. i'm actually going to be attending a photography workshop in May in TX & i'm really hoping it inspires me to pick up my camera more. besides being my part time business, it's also the tool i should be using to capture memories of my own family & i am failing. so hard. because i'm so tired & burnt out. & just...just.

but for now, a few iPhone captures.

moccasin day, dora coma, belly, Pre-K sign up day, judging cat, brynn snuggles, playday, naptime, fresh baked bread, happy st. patrick's day

do all the things

i love fall. i love the holidays. i love eating all the food & shopping for all the things.

my goal this year is to stop & enjoy all the things.

the husband always tells me that i like to "be busy". clearly he is crazy because i'm probably one of the laziest people you will ever meet. no, i do not like to "be busy"- but he is correct in the sense that i'm always on the go. i may not "like" being busy but i'm always "being" being busy. does that make sense?

"hey, can someone do this?" OMG ME!
"hey, can you make 13 cakes & 20 dozen cookies?" OMG YES!
"hey, i really want this for Christmas..." OMG I WILL MAKE IT & OR BUY IT ASAP!
"hey, brynn's birthday is coming up." OMG THIS PARTY WILL BE EPIC!!!!
"hey, Thanksgiving dinner...?" OMG TURKEY & MASHED POTATOES & BOOZE!

you get the idea. i'm busy & i say yes & stretch myself too thin & forget to step back & take time to enjoy all of the things with the people i love. i'm not saying you can't be busy & enjoy- but for me there needs to be a balance. i need to learn to say "no" or just accept that others can accomplish things on their own. my way isn't the only way (omg. did i just say that?!?!)

it's sort of like when the girls get really tweaked over something. & then another thing. & then that. & then OMGMELTDOWNYOUDON'TLOVEME&IHATEALLTHETHINGS!!!!

so i call a time out, chill out & take a breath. damn kid.

so i guess this year i'm putting myself in a timeout. chill out. take a breath. damn trina.

yes- there are still things that need to be done & will be done my me. but not all of it. not so much that instead of relishing the experience i'm bemoaning it. not so much that i can't see past my annoyance to the joy of my children & others. not so much that people see a raving lunatic instead of a slightly frazzled working mother of 2 who badly needs a haircut but is still pretty stoked with life.

this is my plan. & i'm voicing it to remind myself.

i know very well that Pinterest will try & foil my plan because she is an evil temptress with her DIY's & delicious calorie filled desserts & my birthday is better than your birthday pins- but no. time out.

this may also be bad timing on my part seeing that i'm leaving for a short work trip to Raleigh tomorrow & what else is there to do on the plane besides PIN ALL THE THINGS...!

Lord help me.

working mom love

i work full time. one could even argue that i work full time plus.

i see my girls, on average, for about 3 hours per day (Mon-Fri).

many people would argue that this is simply not enough time.

these are your children. they're only young once. they grow up so fast. they reach so many milestones. can i even fathom all of the little things that i've missed? etc etc etc.

cripes. i hadn't thought about any of that!
...oh wait- yes i have. duh.

all of the above things are very true. but guess what? i still go to work every day.

because that's the reality.

when we decided to produce offspring we weren't ignorant of the fact that they needed to be loved & cared for- figuratively. we also knew full well that diapers, food, clothing, toys, schooling & etc etc cost money- literally.

lots of money.

and while we made sure we were financially in a place to afford children- we also realized that we really like eating out. (like, i could eat at Panera every single day if i had a mind)
we also love buying things for "us"- going on trips (hawaii 12' anyone?)- having money in the bank & saving for our girl's futures.

and because, even after pushing out our 1st bundle of joy & thinking that we never needed anything ever again because this small screaming creature made all things better & we now saw the world through rose colored glasses framed with glitter & unicorns, we STILL enjoyed all of the above- we decided that mamma would go back to work & bring home some bacon.

oh- and then there was the small piece about keeping my sanity. ie: not staying home 24/7 because i was pretty sure the husband would one day find me rocking in the corner staring at nothing & reciting The Wonder Pets theme song.

but yeah- mainly it was about bacon. we love bacon. it's so salty & chewy & sweet all at the same time- you know?

and if you don't make any money then you can't buy bacon. and what kind of a world would it be if we couldn't afford bacon?!

a dark one. a horrible one. a world where there is no glitter & fairies- only rainy days & lima beans.

so- to address a few above points:
- these are your children: yes. and because of that i am responsible for providing for all of their needs.
- they're only young once: well duh. and thank God.
- they grow up so fast: indeed. i blinked yesterday & alex was trying on my shoes. what the what?!
- they reach milestones: well i sure hope so! imagine if they waited for me to be around before they did anything?
- can i fathom all that i've missed: yes i can. but i also have trouble fathoming all of the things i HAVEN'T missed. i've see so much- how much more can they do??
obviously- a lot. and i'm pretty sure they're going to do so much that i'm going to see my fare share.

and the list goes on.

so what it comes down to is this:

- just because you're a working mom who only sees her child for 3 hours per day doesn't mean your son is going to grow up as a left handed serial killer (it's true- most serial killers are left handed. i read it on the internet)
- it also doesn't mean your daughter is going to grow up with "mommy & daddy" issues, & start removing her clothing for a fistfull of George Washingtons & a chance to hang out with the likes of Charlie Sheen, because you didn't spend your every waking moment painting her nails & curling her hair. (though, i hope that if she does start taking her clothing off for Charlie Sheen that she'll be doing better than George Washingtons tucked into her undergarments. Charlie seems like a klassy guy- i'm betting she'll get Franklins)

no. most likely your children will grow up to be well rounded adults who love & respect you & are greatful for eveything you've done for them.

when they're standing at the podium & giving their valedictorian speach (hey, i can dream), it's YOU that they will thank first. because they know the sacrifices you made so that they can be where they are & the sacrifices you will continue to make so they can go where they want (ie: Cornel, Yale, Harvard- just to name a few)

see? it's all good.

now- this isn't to say that if you want to be a stay at home mom then your kids are probably going to end up at a State school- because there is simply no proof to that...

i kid. i kid.

stay at home moms are insane.
and by insane i mean amazing.
and by amazing i mean i bow to you. for serious.

because when i think about being a stay at home mom i start sweating & my eye starts twitching. my mouth gets really dry & i feel like i might be hearing voices.

then i burst into tears.

because that shit is hard.

and the fact that you (probably) still have a smile on your face (and a grape jelly hand print on your butt) at the end of the day leaves me in awe.

fist pumps to you ladies. kudos & such.

...but if you feel the need to cut your eyes or "tsk tsk" me at the grocery store- then i will throw down.

because we all do what we have to do. and respect for our individual choices is key.

(this entry brought to you thanks to the woman, with her snot nosed kids, at the local children's store who felt the need to "tsk tsk" me after she overheard me say "oh, i have to work- they're with the nanny.")