Alex's big girl room

you guys probably think the title of this post is a big fat lie. because i'm pretty sure i've promised to post about this 100 times in the past 2 years.

i can explain. no really, i can. you see, alex's room is orange. i'm pretty sure the color on the paint can contained the words "macaroni & cheese". so as much as i ADORE the color (seriously, i still love it 2 years later) it's a BITCH to photograph. seriously. custom white balance or not- every time i tried my eyes would bleed. & when i tried editing them...yeah no. the room looked pink.
it was a super fail. even with my off camera flash, fail fail fail.

so i said whatever. but then i upgraded my camera. (have i mentioned i upgraded to the Nikon D700 & i'm pretty much in love with it. no, i'm not having it's babies (this baby = the husband's) but i might consider it in the future)- anyway, my D700 has crazy noise control @ a super high ISO. like, CRAZY. my D90 was awesome & i still think of it fondly- but there is a big diff & the D700 totally wins.

i finally (right after afternoon nap time) ran downstairs & cranked my ISO up to 6,400. that's right people, 6,400. boom. win. finally.

no flash, barely any natural light & an orange bedroom- somewhat successfully captured.

some of the shots still = funky color wise, but all in all the pictures are pretty accurate.
so without further adieu, alex's big girl room.

now- a few things:
- my favorite framed print of a sloth & a little girl reading (which used to sit on top of her book cubby) is missing. remind me to tell you the story of how my 3 year old managed to grab the framed print, smash it to the ground & walk on the broken glass. amazingly enough, she managed to escape with 1 tiny cut on her finger. only 1! but that tiny cut bled like a mofo all over the print, her floor, her door, her bed sheets...etc etc. so alas, no print for now. must replace.
- there isn't much on her walls. no indeed. the husband feels physical pain when i nail nails. so i try & spare him. i'm also so undecided on what i want to hang & where- so alas. the poor kid has lived with all but bare walls for 2 years. but i'm going to rectify that. i bought an adorable shelf (Land of Nod) & i've pinned a zillion prints to print & hang. i also have some magnetic paint (crazy stuff) that i plan to dedicate a 4x4 amount of wall space too- complete with colorful magnetic Tegu blocks that the girls go for Christmas. so let's do this.
- this room will only look like this for another couple weeks. & then- out goes the toddler bed + the dresser & in comes 2 twin beds. omg. yes, the girls will be sharing a room to make room for baby bird#3. i debated over a bunk bed or 2 twin beds & finally (after finding some awesome West Elm beds that i adore) decided on the twin beds. their mattresses came in last week but the beds won't be here until the end of Feb. so we wait.
- i really love the orange. i wish you could see it in real life- it's so fun & vibrant but also not overwhelming. the furniture is white because, well yeah. orange & white work. i wish there was more natural light (we're only working with a small window because her room is in the basement) but it gets pretty bright during the day....so we make due.
- my child spends almost no time in her room outside of sleeping. seriously. now that the girls will be sharing, & with baby #3 coming, i plan on changing that a bit. i want to make it fun &  a bit more comfy so they can play without worrying about waking up the baby. but it's a small space & choosing the twin beds meant sacrificing extra room. so ideas are welcome. the space as a whole will be changing, so my goal it to fit in a reading/sitting nook (maybe where those pillows are) so the girls can spend time in their room when needed.

& etc etc etc. i'm excited for them to share their room. that was the main reason i went with twin beds over a bunk bed. i think they'll prefer being able to see each other & talk & share sister stuff. plus i think it's a tad bit safer (my girls are insane. crazy insane.) i have so many decorating ideas- i just need to get off my butt & make them happen. most are diy (prints, pillows, etc) but a few require $$$ (damn you expensive rugs & shelving) so i'm procrastinating. but my goal is to have them sharing the space by March & to finish making it perfect by June...goals people. goals.

they say things

i wish i could bottle up all of the nifty things alex & brynn say.
perhaps i should start carrying around a tape recorder.

- alex says something witty & epic.
- i pull out my tape recorder, hit record & repeat said witty & epic comment.

there would be 2 benefits to this.

1. i'd be able to remember all of the awesome things they come up with.
2. people would probably think i'm a reporter or an author or a foreign correspondent. then they wouldn't question my unwashed hair, crooked glasses & pilling fleece jacket. they'd just accept it as part of me being awesome & eccentric because clearly my genius mind is constantly churning out bits of awesome so i clearly have no time for things like haircuts, eye wear that isn't 3 years old & a new (perhaps fashionable) jacket.

yes. note to self: buy mini recorder.
but for serious. my children say amazing things. things like:

- "mom. i want a bagel...with cheese on it." -alex
- "mom, my poop smells terrible." -brynn
- "mom, whatcha got there?" -alex
- "mom, you're not sad. you're happy!" -brynn
- "mom, daddy is better." -alex
- "STUPID CAT!!!!" -brynn
- "mom. stay here. watch me poop." -alex
- "mom. i don't want my food. i want your food." -brynn
- "DAD, MOM HIT ME! THAT'S NOT NICE! SHE NEEDS AN UH-OH!" -alex (i'm not even going to try & explain)
- "mom, alex is naughty. she needs an uh-oh. i'm really mad!" -brynn
- (gasps) "momma! that dress is beautiful! you're a princess!" -alex & brynn
- "mom, you have a biggie butt!" -alex & brynn
- "mom, you have a hairy face. like daddy." - alex (wtf kid?)
- "daddy. you're home. welcome home!" -brynn
- "mom, that lady looks like a hippopotamus." -alex (the lady was very normal & non hippo looking)
- "momma, i want some coffee!!!" -brynn (i swear she doesn't drink coffee)
- "dad...just LISTEN to me!" -alex
- "mom, look at your boobies! they're big....i have little boobies." -brynn
- "mom, dad, you're my best friend." -alex & brynn

& the list goes on. & on. & on.
not a day goes by where i'm not mesmerized by something that flies out of their little mouths. something every day or something new. something that they're repeating or something that they've come up with all on their own (like brynn, who has taken to using the word "yestertime." i'm pretty sure it's a mix of yesterday & another time because when she uses it, it makes perfect sense.)

"mom, i'll do that yestertime." "mom, i like cake yestertime." "NO ALEX! YESTERTIME!"

see what i mean?

they're like sponges. soaking up all the good (& sometimes bad) things & wringing them out while i watch in fascination, sometimes horror & lots of pride.

the other day i was furious with alex over something. i'm pretty sure she's managed to smack her sister, talk back to me & dump an entire plate of food on the floor. on purpose. in the space of 3 minutes.
as my voice rose & rose alex looked at me & said, "mom. just calm down. it's ok. you'll fix it."

how do you not just stop? & laugh. & maybe cry a little....& then put her in time out because after all, she did hit her sister. not cool.
but still. awesome, right?

i guess my point is that our kids are pretty kick ass. & i think they get a good % of that from us. which means we're pretty kick ass & despite our worries, fears, trepidation & lack of haircuts + fashionable wardrobes: we're doing a pretty good job. high five.

alex's 3rd birthday

alex turned 3. in september. so like, 5 years ago in blogging time.
i consulted her on the desired theme for her party & she relied: "cake. & presents."

well kid. thanks for your input. so i decided on an Aloha theme. why? because i like hawaii. because i wish i lived there. because oriental trading was having a super sale on their aloha crap. perfect.

the forecast called for rain so i ordered this tent from Amazon: huge party tent
i was a little skeptical in regards to the quality but i have to say, i was impressed. yeah- it wasn't a wedding quality tent, but it was perfect for backyard parties. it went up easy & didn't bend, rip or break. it handled 2 days of rain (afterwards) & it came down in 1 piece, wrapped up & ready to go for next year.

anyway, it didn't rain. but still. we had sun shelter & somewhere to hang party things.
i made aloha type foods & drinks & instructed people to wear their hawaiian best.

the adults sat on mats/stood & the kids sat at the picnic table/laps. they played with stickers & coloring books & simply ran around. i didn't really attempt any games because we ranged from 1-3 years old & i just didn't see it happening.

it was a great party. plenty of food, friends, family & alex got more princess stuff than anyone could ever want. ever. seriously. make it stop.

picture overload:

food: the husband smoked pork (it's his "thing" & he's quite good at it) & we made BBQ pulled pork. i also made BBQ pulled chicken, homemade BBQ sauce, coconut rice (rice cooker) & pani pop (hawaiian bread).
cheese & crackers  veggies & dip, veggie chips, fresh pineapple, sweet & sour cucumbers, juice, soda, seltzer water & passion ice tea lemonade made up the snacks & drinks.

dessert: i made pineapple angel food cake with German buttercream. the cupcakes were white cupcake with German buttercream. i also made mini crème brûlée's topped with coconut milk whipped cream (aaaamazing). 

favors: i made mini pineapple angel food cake loaves + hawaiian suckers for the adults. the kids got bags filled with fun hawaiian toys, stickers, suckers & other random things.

it was fun, fairly simple & came together really easily. this is her last "big" party (each kid gets 3- then we start the big parties again when they hit grade school) so i wanted it to be special.
she loved it (although she loved her princess stuff more) & it was a fantastic way to ring in her 3rd awesome year of life.

aloha.

i'm pregnant part 2: how, when & why

this is where i dish on all the technical & completely non romantic/spontaneous piece to this whole baby #3 deal (ie: no, this is not a 50 shades of Grey baby)

here is my chart(s): http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/1c360d

April 2011: brynn turns 4 months old & my body decides that despite the insane amount of milk i am still producing, i should start having my period on the regular. so we decide, what the hell? let's make another baby. cycle#1 = no go.
May 2011 - July 2011: we give it the old college try. still no go. brynn is still breastfeeding. i go in for basic testing (in prep for an FET cycle) & all my levels = perfect.
Aug 2011: FET#1. we have 5 perfect blast left over from my 2 original IVF cycles. for this cycle we go aggressive & use the 2 leftover from IVF#2 & 1 leftover from IVF#1. i have a perfect cycle, perfect transfer, perfect #'s & a perfect transfer. no go.
Sept 2011 - Feb 2012: old college try again. brynn stopped breastfeeding back in Sept. still no go.
March 2012: FET#2. we transfer the 2 remaining blasts from IVF#1. this cycle was weird. i managed to ovulate through the Estrace intended to stop ovulation)- but we procede with a natural FET because the timing is perfect. again, perfect transfer, numbers, etc. still no go.
April 2012 - July 2012: more college trying. i start acupuncture in April & continue through July. i also take an insane amount of vitamins & supplements. i also make the husband take sperm supplements. you name it, we do it. still no go.
August 2012 - Sept 2012: we seriously consider taking out a loan for a fresh IVf cycle. but damn- $18k is a tough pill to swallow. we decide not to. we have 2 awesome kids & i'm going to focus on them. we'll keep trying, but we're not spending another cent. still no go.

Oct 2012: same old. i get my period. i ovulate. etc etc. BUT- this time it's different. i notice bright red spotting on CD 7. weird. i ALWAYS start spotting (brown) on CD 10. then my cycle starts on CD 12. like clockwork. but this time i spot on CD 7, 8, 9 & 10. it starts off red (CD 7) & then turns brown (CD 9).

my nose goes into overdrive. i can smell sounds. & colors. & dinner from 3 nights ago.
i'm tired. so hungry. & i get night sweats like mad.

then i realize it's CD 10. maybe i'm pregnant...?!?!
CD 11 & then 12 & i haven't spotted in 2 days. in fact, my period is MIA. & i know. i just know i'm pregnant. but i'm scared. because i'm probably not, you know? dude- i could have tested 3 days ago but i'm EFFING SCARED! if i see 1 line i'll probably punch something.

CD 13. monday morning. the house is empty. i've sent off the husband & the girls & i'm getting ready to leave the house for work. i have to pee. i say eff it, grab a First Response & pee on it.

i set it on the counter. i wash my hands (being careful to NOT look @ the stick) & then...i just glance at it.

2 lines. 2 VERY pink lines. 2 freaking crazy awesome lines.

i do this weird jerky dance thing, then i burst into tears & stop. i blow my nose. splash some water on ym face & tuck the stick in my pocket (hell yeah i did). off to work.

i'm happy all day. omfg. best secret ever (well, i tell 1 person. but it's only fair.)

& the rest is history. i call my OB & they treat me like any other normal pregnant chick & tell me they'll see me in a few weeks. i tell the husband...i honestly forget when. sooner than last time.
life goes on. i see the OB- pee on their stick- "Congrats!"

i go on a work trip. i take care of 2 toddlers. i go to the grocery store & buy Christmas presents. normal stuff. i wait 10.5 loooong weeks for an u/s (goodness!). 1 little baby. measuring right on track with a heartbeat.

sweet relief. i get my NT scan, everything looks great. more relief. we finally tell family & friends right around   12 weeks or so. boy bets are places. life decisions are inquired on. etc etc.

& now. i'm 14 weeks 2 days. i feel good. i don't look pregnant. belly pics haven't happened since 9 weeks because, yeah. there is nothing to see.
but i feel pregnant. the nausea has pretty much all but gone- it pops up randomly when i need to eat. i' at peace with the decisions we've made in regards to our future. i feel like i still have forever but then i realize this pregnancy is already flying by. i pray pray pray for a healthy baby. i'll take a girl. i'll take a boy- whatever works. whew.

so there you go. we are SO thankful for this baby. s/he is an absolute blessing. i have no idea why 2 FET's failed & 15 other college try cycles ended in BFN's. in His time. it's actually very humbling for me. it makes me sit down & realize that it happened when He decided it would. not me. & whether that had taken 2 cycles or 18 or even 36- it was His decision. his gift to me. dude. mind blown. God's pretty bad ass.

i had actually JUST gotten to a place of acceptance & letting go. letting go of being sad & angry. letting go of being annoyed & questioning "why, why, why!?" a few blog reads (from other ladies going through the same thing) were more than helpful. i saw so much faith & trust. & once again, i was humbled. i wanted that. i needed that. i think maybe he was waiting for me to get there. i don't know.

& that's that. this is MY story. this is how it happened for ME. i don't want anyone to think i'm pushing my beliefs or thoughts on the matter onto them. & i'm definitely not telling anyone to relax. Lord knows i never did. to this day i still don't think "relaxing" has any say in this whole baby making thing.
this is just what happened with me & what led me to this point.

many thanks to those who thought & prayed. i had ment'd our struggled on instagram & i was more than thankful for the reach outs & good thought & prayers. thank you thank you!

& i continue to pray for those that i know are still on this journey themselves. whether it be for baby #1, #2, #3 or #7. it doesn't matter. my prayers are coming your way- boom.

& this was a novel. my apologies. but looking at charts are fun, right? or am i the only weirdo who thinks that?

how to say, "i'm pregnant" in french: "i suis enceinte"

there. now you've learned something today. "i suis enceinte"
i've been saying that a lot lately (in english) because, well, i am.

the past 13 weeks & 4 days have been filled with a blur of gratitude, exhaustion, nausea, life decisions, reflections, excitement, fear, eating all the food, happy grandparents & friends, peeing @ 2 am, more life decisions, absolute aversions to avocados & chicken, & etc etc.

it's been a blast.
in between the haze of "i need sleep" & "i need food" i tried to think of a fun way to tell our family & friends about baby bird #3. the idea took root in my mind & once the girl's Christmas dresses arrived i begged them for 3 minutes to smile & hold a sign.

was it a success? well, you tell me:

yep. i think so. 

i slapped this baby on FB & called it a day.

one head swap later i did manage to save this one for the records as well:

i know for a fact that fruit snack bribery had something to do with it. not the promise of a new brother or sister. so fickle.

but yes- baby bird #3. wow. EDD: July 9th, 2013. boom.

i know people (like me) love the specifics. so i'll come back this week with the how's & why's & when's. but for now,  i hope you & yours had a Merry Christmas.Happy Holidays & a fantastic New Year!