they say things

i wish i could bottle up all of the nifty things alex & brynn say.
perhaps i should start carrying around a tape recorder.

- alex says something witty & epic.
- i pull out my tape recorder, hit record & repeat said witty & epic comment.

there would be 2 benefits to this.

1. i'd be able to remember all of the awesome things they come up with.
2. people would probably think i'm a reporter or an author or a foreign correspondent. then they wouldn't question my unwashed hair, crooked glasses & pilling fleece jacket. they'd just accept it as part of me being awesome & eccentric because clearly my genius mind is constantly churning out bits of awesome so i clearly have no time for things like haircuts, eye wear that isn't 3 years old & a new (perhaps fashionable) jacket.

yes. note to self: buy mini recorder.
but for serious. my children say amazing things. things like:

- "mom. i want a bagel...with cheese on it." -alex
- "mom, my poop smells terrible." -brynn
- "mom, whatcha got there?" -alex
- "mom, you're not sad. you're happy!" -brynn
- "mom, daddy is better." -alex
- "STUPID CAT!!!!" -brynn
- "mom. stay here. watch me poop." -alex
- "mom. i don't want my food. i want your food." -brynn
- "DAD, MOM HIT ME! THAT'S NOT NICE! SHE NEEDS AN UH-OH!" -alex (i'm not even going to try & explain)
- "mom, alex is naughty. she needs an uh-oh. i'm really mad!" -brynn
- (gasps) "momma! that dress is beautiful! you're a princess!" -alex & brynn
- "mom, you have a biggie butt!" -alex & brynn
- "mom, you have a hairy face. like daddy." - alex (wtf kid?)
- "daddy. you're home. welcome home!" -brynn
- "mom, that lady looks like a hippopotamus." -alex (the lady was very normal & non hippo looking)
- "momma, i want some coffee!!!" -brynn (i swear she doesn't drink coffee)
- "dad...just LISTEN to me!" -alex
- "mom, look at your boobies! they're big....i have little boobies." -brynn
- "mom, dad, you're my best friend." -alex & brynn

& the list goes on. & on. & on.
not a day goes by where i'm not mesmerized by something that flies out of their little mouths. something every day or something new. something that they're repeating or something that they've come up with all on their own (like brynn, who has taken to using the word "yestertime." i'm pretty sure it's a mix of yesterday & another time because when she uses it, it makes perfect sense.)

"mom, i'll do that yestertime." "mom, i like cake yestertime." "NO ALEX! YESTERTIME!"

see what i mean?

they're like sponges. soaking up all the good (& sometimes bad) things & wringing them out while i watch in fascination, sometimes horror & lots of pride.

the other day i was furious with alex over something. i'm pretty sure she's managed to smack her sister, talk back to me & dump an entire plate of food on the floor. on purpose. in the space of 3 minutes.
as my voice rose & rose alex looked at me & said, "mom. just calm down. it's ok. you'll fix it."

how do you not just stop? & laugh. & maybe cry a little....& then put her in time out because after all, she did hit her sister. not cool.
but still. awesome, right?

i guess my point is that our kids are pretty kick ass. & i think they get a good % of that from us. which means we're pretty kick ass & despite our worries, fears, trepidation & lack of haircuts + fashionable wardrobes: we're doing a pretty good job. high five.

happy birthday alex

so, this kid is 3 now. as of 09.24.12.
i'm actually doing a pretty good job accepting this fact because she's greeted her 3's like a champ.
& by like a champ i mean, like a crazed bear. complete with roaring & ground slapping. it's pretty incredible to watch.
sometimes i really want to ask her what she'd like for dinner, but i hesitate because, what if this is the wrong thing to ask?! maybe she doesn't want dinner....maybe she's not actually alex, but Princess Jasmine & if i call her by her God given name she'll flip the eff out on me. or maybe she's actually a puppy & "OMFG MOM PUPPIES DON'T EAT DINNER!!!!"
...but maybe, just maybe, she's actually hungry & if i don't ask her if she wants dinner then i've failed at my parenting duties.

..."hey alex, hon, do you want dinner...?"  ::wince::

we still love her though, just in case you were wondering. because when the bear hibernates she's pretty freaking awesome. & hilarious.

and demure:

clearly.

& then she's got this insane love of band aids. everything requires a band aid. brynn touches her? band aid. she gets food in her hair? band aid. a legitimate injury? 3 band aids.

a butterfly could land on her head & she'd insist it knifed her & she needs a band aid. which is why 95% of the time she walks around looking like this:

oh, hey Rambo.

i could go on & on. there are so many unique & interesting things about alex.

- she loves all things Disney Princess. ALL THE THINGS!!!
- she pretty much lives on mini bagels with cream cheese. & apples.
- she says things like, "oh mom, that's hysterical." & "i think you need to calm down."
- she loves to sing. sing, sing, sing.
- her memory is crazy good & i can no longer trick her because she's sort of a genius.
- she loves shoes, dresses & clip on earings.
- sometimes she's so sweet to brynn that it hurts & other times she's 2 hand shoving her.
- she adores her grandmothers.
- she's super outgoing, fun & loves other kids.
- she can count, knows her letters, knows her animals, knows her colors, etc etc etc.
- she's still tiny. 18month-2T stuff still fits. shoe size = 7.
- she doesn't like to color but she'll sticker the crap out of anything.
- she can recite entire movies. awesome or incredulous?
- she calls cupcakes "pup cakes" & asks for ice cream but really only want the cone.
- she likes to refuse naps but still needs them.
- she wakes up like her father: angry at everything
- she knows all her body parts & is fascinated by boobies.
- she's just great.

happy 3rd birthday alex. we love you. & we really can't wait to see what your 3's bring us. seriously- we're stoked.

inside the mind of a child. and an adult.

the husband has often remarked that he wouldn't want to be my brain.
this is because i am incredibly random & somewhat spastic.

(i'm also painfully smart. so smart, in fact, that it hurts - which is probably why he wouldn't want to be my brain. because he would literally be in agony 24/7 - you know what i mean?)

right. but there is a brain that is even more terrifying than my own. in fact, there are several millions of these brains. no, i'm not talking about serial killers or Paris Hilton- i'm talking about my toddler.

your toddler. our toddlers. every toddler in the whole wide world.

no matter how hard i try i cannot grasp how their minds work. how they go from one extreme to another in the blink of an eye. how they love something with all their hearts on Monday at 11am- only to loath it at 3pm. on the same day. not even 5 hours later. whaaaa?

a perfect example of the randomness of toddlers is alex in the car. most trips go something like this.

both girls get buckled in. brynn happily sucking on her fist & alex watching a DVD with a cup of "juice" (she thinks it's juice- it's really flavored water. sucker.)

i drive. about 5 minutes in brynn starts laughing about something. alex decides that brynn isn't allowed to express joy of any kind & promptly screams.
i stare her down in the review mirror & tell her to knock it off. brynn (who adores alex regardless) coos for another 5 minutes or so & then falls asleep.

i drive on. alex finishes her juice & tosses the cup onto the floor. nice kid. thanks for that.
i count down in my head- "5, 4, 3, 2, 1..."

"more?"
"honey i'm driving. i'll get you more when we get home. i promise."

...

"more? more juice?" this time she frantically starts signing more as well- as if expressing her desire for more with her mouth & hands is going to move things along

"honey- i'm dri. ving. when we get home."

ok. she's quiet for a minute. she totes understands that mommy is behind the wheel of a 3 ton SUV & doesn't have Go Go Gadget arms. she's going to wait, like the patient little angel she is, for us to arrive home in 25 minutes....

"some? some snack?"
" alex honey...well ok. let me see what i can find."

i manage to snake my arm behind the seat & fish around in the front pocket of the baby bag. i find fruit snacks. success!

"here hon, fruit snacks? you want these?" i hold the bag up so she can see it.
"some! some!" maniacal laughter

i open the bag & pass it back to her. she happily accepts & all is right with the world.
...

"all done. done...."

i ignore her in the hopes that she realizes she is not, in fact, done.

"...posicle?" craaap.
"honey- mommy is driving. we don't have any popsicles. when we get home. i promise."
"DONE SNACK. POSICLE!"
"ALEX- WHEN WE GET HOME! I PROMISE!" at this point i'd promise her a beer if she asked for it. anything to avoid what's coming next.

"AAAIIIIIEEEE!!!!"
"ALEX! ENOUGH!"

::insert thermonuclear meltdown here::

she looks at the bag of half eaten fruit snacks and reacts violently, throwing them away from herself with movie perfection abruptness. almost as if she's just realized that i'm attempting to poison her. then her mouth forms an O. a big, fat O.

like this: O

silent for a second & then loud. so freaking loud. like a locomotive blasting through your head.

"POSICLE! FISH! DADDY! ELMO! GHTYTBEISSKA! JUICE! MILK! GRAPES! BLANKET! NEMO! AHGURJTIJFN!!!!"

there is really no sense in trying to reason with her. as you can see- there are so many things going on inside of her little brain right now that i don't think anything, short of Jesus or Elmo (in real life), would get through to her.

she wails for a minute or so & then goes silent.

i hold my breath & contemplate breaking the 1st & 2nd commandements by praying to the toddler gods & possibly constructing some sort of offering stone on which to sacrafice a goat if they can make her be quiet for the next 15 minutes.

then i remember that the past 9 week's sunday sermons have been about the 10 commandments & the pastor was pretty clear on the fact that God isn't down with us breaking them.

so i re-think the above & just pray to God. that's cool. i didn't want to kill a goat anyway.

i hear Larry the cucumber singing a silly song & then she laughs.

everything is ok now.

"cheese?"
"oh alex, i don't...wait. YES! i DO have cheese!" maniacal laughter (see how the tables have turned?)

i pull a slightly warm cheesestick out of her lunch bag & hand it to her.

"cheese! i LUB IT! MMM!"

awww. she loves cheese.

"momma! car! dog, woof woof! tales tales tales!" she starts singing along with veggie tales.

omg. my kid is a savant. i make a mental note to call the New England Conservatory.

i look in the mirror & see, with relief, that brynn has slept through this entire ordeal. score.
in 10 minutes we'll be home & i can escape from this prison exit the vehicle, lovingly unbuckle my child from her seat & feed her a dinner of "posicles", fish & grapes.

very well balanced.

i drive. i bob my head along to Nicki Minaj & think about how maybe i'd like a vanity plate. hmmm- what would it say? oh crap, we're out of paper towels. we also need toothpaste. OMG! i have a coupon for said toothpaste- yessss. i really wish i'd stuck with ballet, imagine how lithe & graceful i'd be...i wish i knew how to play the piano or the violin. how cool would that be? you know, i could TOTALLY be a background dancer for Britney Spears....PINTEREST! i wish i could sew- i'd make the most perfect little girl's clothes everrrr. i love singing- i have a really good voice i think. i want a new lens. like a $1600 lens. how can i convince the husband..? hawaii?!!! san francisco? NEW YORK! i can't wait for fall- but winter suuucks...

.....

"ice cream?"

DAMNIT!