oh baby. no baby.

no baby yet. 39 weeks & 3 days today & he's still kickin' it on the inside. & i can't complain. i'm so very thankful for a healthy, easy, stress free pregnancy. while my body may take it's sweet time getting pregnant, once it does it easy like sunday morning.

yes, i have heartburn & my crotch aches. i have random leg cramps & sometimes the sudden need to pee takes my breath away & makes me cross my legs- but all in all- i'm A-Ok & so is he.

my due date is 07.07. which is also our 6 year anniversary. so let's see if baby boy follows in his oldest sister's footsteps & keeps on keepin' on until waaay past his "expected" arrival date, or if he pulls a brynn & comes right on time.

as for life- i'm 2 days into my 3rd week as a full time stay at home mom. i'm still sane & i'm pretty sure the girls are as well.

i'll be honest, it's incredibly challenging a good 65% of the time. i wrack my brain for "things" to do, lunch to make, discipline to dole out & i'm in a constant battle of breaking up fights, trying to stem my yelling & fighting my intense desire to just turn on the tv & let them veg out for 10 hours at a time.
but it's oh so fun as well. i listen to them on the monitor every morning (they share a room & it's....hilarious) & i get to hear their first "good morning!" 's & see their first smiles. we eat breakfast & i simply sit & watch them.

have you ever observed a 2.5 & 3.5 year old have a conversation?
it's fascinating.

we do crafts, go to Target, play outside, build towers with blocks, play dress up, eat snacks, take 1500 potty breaks, trek to the splash pad, pray for play dates, snuggle, read books, give hugs & kisses, etc etc etc.

i also toss in laundry, bills, shopping, cooking, cleaning, litter box changing, dog dealings, & other not so "fun" things.

lunch happens, naps (only for brynn since alex is "not a baby" now- her words), afternoon movie, snacks, baths & then dinner. daddy gets home & i become chopped liver. it's the circle of life.

i'm tucking away these last days before baby boy gets here. while it's still just us girls. they're SO excited for him to make his exit- but they're also not aware of what that means for them- so i'm praying that it goes smoothly. that he fits seamlessly into our every day life & they're just....happy.

(instagram: @lookatthebirds)

& what would make me happy? or rather, happier?

figuring out how to make money grow on trees to support the girl's clothing habit. that right, their's. it's not just my fault anymore. champagne tastes over here people.

countdown to stuff & things

clearly, i'm not aiming to win any awards for my blogging.

once a month updates, failure to check my blogger email & my lack of twittering has securely cemented my status as a somewhat flaky internet presence. hats off to those who do this as a job because, damn.

it's not that i dislike blogging- in fact, once i sit down & start typing i can find 500 million things to ramble on about. it's just the whole finding time & energy to sit down & start typing that i fail at. however i also fail at folding laundry, dusting, cleaning out my car & making dinner every night. so, nothing personal- ok?

so what's up right now?

- i spent a week in Marfa, TX at a photography workshop (3 weeks ago) & it was fantastic. i missed the girls like whoa but it was also pure euphoria not to be "responsible" for 4 days.
- i'm 36 weeks pregnant. that means in 4-5 weeks i'll be responsible for another human life. & i'll be buying stock in maxi pads....send chocolate. & some Dermoplast.
- i'm about 25% ready for said 3rd kid to arrive. you guys, i don't even have plain white onesies! i have some diapers, my boobs, random infant clothes & a (not yet installed) carseat. that's about it. i should probably get on that.
- this is my last week of work. as of friday i'll be a 100% stay at home mom. i fully suspect that i'll be a jumpy mess on monday- waiting for my phone to ring & work asking me where the hell i am. because i'm probably the only one who hasn't fully accepted that this is real. i mean, work bought me a cake & everything so clearly they're all like, "peace!" but i'm all like, "wait...what?"
- alex has been driving me crazy. literally. sometimes i just stare at her in horror. because she's my kid & i love her but i sort of want to...sell her. or something. maybe it's because she's 3.5 & there's a secret 3.5 year old club i didn't know about where they get together & plan ways & scenarios in which to make their parents think that they're the insane ones. i don't know. but that has to be it.
i mean, what other reason could there be for 24/7 tantrums, dramatic scenes at Target, random screaming over nothing, serious sass (like, makes my head spin sassy backtalk), way too much "i don't want that!" (& then 3 minutes later) "I WANT THAT!!!! OMG!!! THE WORLD IS ENDING & YOU DON'T LOVE MEEEEE!!!" & etc etc etc. it's mind boggling & i'm at a loss most of the time.
- thankfully brynn is still somewhat not as awful. i mean, she can pitch a fit worthy of an Oscar & she completely ignores me when i say "No. Stop. OMG YOU'RE GOING TO MAIM YOURSELF IF YOU JUMP OFF THAT TABLE!" but, i still have some control.
- we got a cool letter from the IRS that went something like, "hey! we like dicking with you so guess what? you owe us $2k from 2011! yay! isn't that super awesome, cool & fun? we think so too! so feel free to write a big fat check & send it our way before next month. ::thumbs up::"
needless to say, no. just no. so i hauled my huge self over to the IRS office today to sort it out. part of it we legit owe (& we knew that because we neglected to file a W-2) so we're down with sending that part to Uncle Sam- but the other part was because our lovely accountant neglected to file a form that let's the government know that we're using our HSA dollas for actual medical expenses. because i guess if you don't do that they think you spent $3k on a trip to Cabo. umbrella drinks in the house.
so thankfully i simply have to fill out a form & mail it in. but still. sitting in the IRS office is awkward. because there is no privacy & i'm totally aware that the lady in front of me owes over $25k in back taxes. dear God.
- i think that sums it up.

life is pretty much the norm. waiting for a baby. planning on a trip to the zoo for Father's Day. cleaning all the things! hugs & kisses from toddlers. ice eating. (like, insane amounts of ice eating because my low iron has induced pregnancy pica like mad & eating ice appeals to me more than...anything. even Ryan Gossling.) trips to the park & splash pad. summer temps. trying to temper my online shopping (because, hi, i don't have a $ paying job anymores). Target. Starbucks. getting pigs (yes, real pigs). & all that jazz.

& instagram (@lookatthebirds) still gets way more action than my "real" camera. but i'm ok with that right now.

& so on & so forth.

it's a good thing we have so much girl stuff...

because i'll need to sell some of it to fund the purchase of suspenders, cardigans & Tonka trucks:

oh my. i "knew" it was a boy, but now i know it's a boy- you know?

i have brothers & a nephew, but i'll be honest- i don't know the first thing about little boys. but i really hope they like wearing princess dresses, because we have a lot of those.

boy oh boy. we're pretty stoked. pumped. psyched. anxious....& accepting the fact that in the future my toilet cleaning duties will double.

but for now we're just... ::squee:: !!!
& we're also eating cupcakes. many, many cupcakes.

snails vs trains

then: 18 weeks & 6 days

now: 20 weeks & 5 days

at first, pregnancy seems to crawl along at a snail's pace. 

- it usually starts with a hunch: "weird, i usually like toast & eggs so why does the very though of eating them horrify me..?"

- or sometimes it starts with a lightbulb moment: "i think i'll wear my favorite white pants today because they look fabulous on me! but wait, it's thursday...shouldn't i be playing it safe with black pants because my peri...omg! when is the last time i got my period?! omg!" ::frantic searching through bathroom drawers for a pregnancy test:: "oh shit, what does 2 lines mean again?!?!?!"  

- & then again, maybe you're a hardcore charter + symptom analyzer: "dude, i ovulated 12 days ago, i'm hot flashing like my mom & i want to eat all the foods. shit just got real."

regardless of how your condition came to light, to the light it came & with it all time slowed. no longer are there only 24 hours in a day, there are 300 YEARS IN A DAY! no longer is, "ok, we'll see you in 2 weeks for your appointment!" an acceptable response- no, "YOU'LL SEE ME RIGHT NOW AT MY HOUSE & BRING A PHYSIC!" 

4 weeks. nail biting, toilet paper inspecting, every twinge questioning.
5 weeks. rinse & repeat.
6 weeks. & again.
7 weeks. ok...it's almost safe. only 6 more weeks till my 2nd trimester....
8, 9, 10 weeks. oh my GAWD. i don't want to tell yet, but i clearly look like cookies are my favorite...
11, 12 weeks. when does this madness end?!
13 weeks. ::breath:: ok- we're good. hell yeah. "guess what world? i make humans. boom."

does that sound about right? maybe not, maybe you were chill & accepting from the get go & completely unaffected by the sudden crazy vortex that can settle on a woman after seeing 2 pink lines on a white stick.
if so, you should probably write a book full of your secrets because it's going to make you rich.

but, if you're anything like me, the above describes you pretty well. & i don't think there is anything wrong with that. we all want to be "safe". we all want our babies to be "safe". we all want the same thing, to be told that everything is ok & hold proof of that in our arms 9 months later. simple.

so waiting for that first appointment seems like forever. & waiting to see that beautiful heartbeat seems like an eternity. & waiting to get awesome blood results back & too see your body changing & to feel those flutters & then kicks & then watch your belly come out of nowhere- yeah, 300 years in a day people.

but then it's almost like a switch is thrown & all of a sudden you're on a train. a slow & pokey train that is quickly picking up speed & all of a sudden you can no longer make out single rocks & trees because everything is a blur.
this train is going really fast. & realistically you know that it's still going to take a while to get to your destination, but you feel like your final stop is going to be here before you know it & you haven't even started gathering your things.

i think that switch comes at a different time for every woman, but right now i just realized i'm 1/2 way there & i feel like i left the station yesterday. i haven't taken a nap or read my book or even opened my snacks.

ok that's a lie, i totally opened my snacks, ate them all & then cursed myself for not bringing more. but the other stuff, yeah- haven't done that yet.

so yes, for me the snail's pace has ended & i've switched over to warp speed. or hyper drive. or if we want to keep it in the animal family, i'm now riding a cheetah. or a unicorn (because i'm assuming unicorns are even faster than cheetahs).

i also think this switch has come a little bit earlier with each pregnancy. i'm sure my outside children have something to do with it. whatever it is, shit gets real overnight & the husband's "to do" list gets really long & thank God football season is over because "ain't no one got time for that."

however, i'm trying to take a step back & enjoy at the same time. yes, i'm incredibly eager to birth this baby & hold him/her. to count fingers, inspect ears & a nose & watch him/her blend seamlessly into the fabric of our family.
but whoa now, i also want to sit back & remember to appreciate the snail & it's pace. to enjoy the now. to really cherish this little bit of time i have left with just my 2 littles. to watch my belly grow & really marvel at what our bodies can do (because seriously?! it's insane). to watch winter turn to spring (ok i'll be honest, i want that to come faster) & spring to summer. to enjoy 1 more Easter, 1 more Mother's Day & 1 more Father's Day just as we are. to easily hold 2 little hands. to say, "4 tickets please!" a few more times. to just be.

that's my goal, because holy crap- 20 weeks & 5 days pregnant? yes, already.

how to say, "i'm pregnant" in french: "i suis enceinte"

there. now you've learned something today. "i suis enceinte"
i've been saying that a lot lately (in english) because, well, i am.

the past 13 weeks & 4 days have been filled with a blur of gratitude, exhaustion, nausea, life decisions, reflections, excitement, fear, eating all the food, happy grandparents & friends, peeing @ 2 am, more life decisions, absolute aversions to avocados & chicken, & etc etc.

it's been a blast.
in between the haze of "i need sleep" & "i need food" i tried to think of a fun way to tell our family & friends about baby bird #3. the idea took root in my mind & once the girl's Christmas dresses arrived i begged them for 3 minutes to smile & hold a sign.

was it a success? well, you tell me:

yep. i think so. 

i slapped this baby on FB & called it a day.

one head swap later i did manage to save this one for the records as well:

i know for a fact that fruit snack bribery had something to do with it. not the promise of a new brother or sister. so fickle.

but yes- baby bird #3. wow. EDD: July 9th, 2013. boom.

i know people (like me) love the specifics. so i'll come back this week with the how's & why's & when's. but for now,  i hope you & yours had a Merry Christmas.Happy Holidays & a fantastic New Year!