alex's 3rd birthday

alex turned 3. in september. so like, 5 years ago in blogging time.
i consulted her on the desired theme for her party & she relied: "cake. & presents."

well kid. thanks for your input. so i decided on an Aloha theme. why? because i like hawaii. because i wish i lived there. because oriental trading was having a super sale on their aloha crap. perfect.

the forecast called for rain so i ordered this tent from Amazon: huge party tent
i was a little skeptical in regards to the quality but i have to say, i was impressed. yeah- it wasn't a wedding quality tent, but it was perfect for backyard parties. it went up easy & didn't bend, rip or break. it handled 2 days of rain (afterwards) & it came down in 1 piece, wrapped up & ready to go for next year.

anyway, it didn't rain. but still. we had sun shelter & somewhere to hang party things.
i made aloha type foods & drinks & instructed people to wear their hawaiian best.

the adults sat on mats/stood & the kids sat at the picnic table/laps. they played with stickers & coloring books & simply ran around. i didn't really attempt any games because we ranged from 1-3 years old & i just didn't see it happening.

it was a great party. plenty of food, friends, family & alex got more princess stuff than anyone could ever want. ever. seriously. make it stop.

picture overload:

food: the husband smoked pork (it's his "thing" & he's quite good at it) & we made BBQ pulled pork. i also made BBQ pulled chicken, homemade BBQ sauce, coconut rice (rice cooker) & pani pop (hawaiian bread).
cheese & crackers  veggies & dip, veggie chips, fresh pineapple, sweet & sour cucumbers, juice, soda, seltzer water & passion ice tea lemonade made up the snacks & drinks.

dessert: i made pineapple angel food cake with German buttercream. the cupcakes were white cupcake with German buttercream. i also made mini crème brûlée's topped with coconut milk whipped cream (aaaamazing). 

favors: i made mini pineapple angel food cake loaves + hawaiian suckers for the adults. the kids got bags filled with fun hawaiian toys, stickers, suckers & other random things.

it was fun, fairly simple & came together really easily. this is her last "big" party (each kid gets 3- then we start the big parties again when they hit grade school) so i wanted it to be special.
she loved it (although she loved her princess stuff more) & it was a fantastic way to ring in her 3rd awesome year of life.

aloha.

i'm pregnant part 2: how, when & why

this is where i dish on all the technical & completely non romantic/spontaneous piece to this whole baby #3 deal (ie: no, this is not a 50 shades of Grey baby)

here is my chart(s): http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/1c360d

April 2011: brynn turns 4 months old & my body decides that despite the insane amount of milk i am still producing, i should start having my period on the regular. so we decide, what the hell? let's make another baby. cycle#1 = no go.
May 2011 - July 2011: we give it the old college try. still no go. brynn is still breastfeeding. i go in for basic testing (in prep for an FET cycle) & all my levels = perfect.
Aug 2011: FET#1. we have 5 perfect blast left over from my 2 original IVF cycles. for this cycle we go aggressive & use the 2 leftover from IVF#2 & 1 leftover from IVF#1. i have a perfect cycle, perfect transfer, perfect #'s & a perfect transfer. no go.
Sept 2011 - Feb 2012: old college try again. brynn stopped breastfeeding back in Sept. still no go.
March 2012: FET#2. we transfer the 2 remaining blasts from IVF#1. this cycle was weird. i managed to ovulate through the Estrace intended to stop ovulation)- but we procede with a natural FET because the timing is perfect. again, perfect transfer, numbers, etc. still no go.
April 2012 - July 2012: more college trying. i start acupuncture in April & continue through July. i also take an insane amount of vitamins & supplements. i also make the husband take sperm supplements. you name it, we do it. still no go.
August 2012 - Sept 2012: we seriously consider taking out a loan for a fresh IVf cycle. but damn- $18k is a tough pill to swallow. we decide not to. we have 2 awesome kids & i'm going to focus on them. we'll keep trying, but we're not spending another cent. still no go.

Oct 2012: same old. i get my period. i ovulate. etc etc. BUT- this time it's different. i notice bright red spotting on CD 7. weird. i ALWAYS start spotting (brown) on CD 10. then my cycle starts on CD 12. like clockwork. but this time i spot on CD 7, 8, 9 & 10. it starts off red (CD 7) & then turns brown (CD 9).

my nose goes into overdrive. i can smell sounds. & colors. & dinner from 3 nights ago.
i'm tired. so hungry. & i get night sweats like mad.

then i realize it's CD 10. maybe i'm pregnant...?!?!
CD 11 & then 12 & i haven't spotted in 2 days. in fact, my period is MIA. & i know. i just know i'm pregnant. but i'm scared. because i'm probably not, you know? dude- i could have tested 3 days ago but i'm EFFING SCARED! if i see 1 line i'll probably punch something.

CD 13. monday morning. the house is empty. i've sent off the husband & the girls & i'm getting ready to leave the house for work. i have to pee. i say eff it, grab a First Response & pee on it.

i set it on the counter. i wash my hands (being careful to NOT look @ the stick) & then...i just glance at it.

2 lines. 2 VERY pink lines. 2 freaking crazy awesome lines.

i do this weird jerky dance thing, then i burst into tears & stop. i blow my nose. splash some water on ym face & tuck the stick in my pocket (hell yeah i did). off to work.

i'm happy all day. omfg. best secret ever (well, i tell 1 person. but it's only fair.)

& the rest is history. i call my OB & they treat me like any other normal pregnant chick & tell me they'll see me in a few weeks. i tell the husband...i honestly forget when. sooner than last time.
life goes on. i see the OB- pee on their stick- "Congrats!"

i go on a work trip. i take care of 2 toddlers. i go to the grocery store & buy Christmas presents. normal stuff. i wait 10.5 loooong weeks for an u/s (goodness!). 1 little baby. measuring right on track with a heartbeat.

sweet relief. i get my NT scan, everything looks great. more relief. we finally tell family & friends right around   12 weeks or so. boy bets are places. life decisions are inquired on. etc etc.

& now. i'm 14 weeks 2 days. i feel good. i don't look pregnant. belly pics haven't happened since 9 weeks because, yeah. there is nothing to see.
but i feel pregnant. the nausea has pretty much all but gone- it pops up randomly when i need to eat. i' at peace with the decisions we've made in regards to our future. i feel like i still have forever but then i realize this pregnancy is already flying by. i pray pray pray for a healthy baby. i'll take a girl. i'll take a boy- whatever works. whew.

so there you go. we are SO thankful for this baby. s/he is an absolute blessing. i have no idea why 2 FET's failed & 15 other college try cycles ended in BFN's. in His time. it's actually very humbling for me. it makes me sit down & realize that it happened when He decided it would. not me. & whether that had taken 2 cycles or 18 or even 36- it was His decision. his gift to me. dude. mind blown. God's pretty bad ass.

i had actually JUST gotten to a place of acceptance & letting go. letting go of being sad & angry. letting go of being annoyed & questioning "why, why, why!?" a few blog reads (from other ladies going through the same thing) were more than helpful. i saw so much faith & trust. & once again, i was humbled. i wanted that. i needed that. i think maybe he was waiting for me to get there. i don't know.

& that's that. this is MY story. this is how it happened for ME. i don't want anyone to think i'm pushing my beliefs or thoughts on the matter onto them. & i'm definitely not telling anyone to relax. Lord knows i never did. to this day i still don't think "relaxing" has any say in this whole baby making thing.
this is just what happened with me & what led me to this point.

many thanks to those who thought & prayed. i had ment'd our struggled on instagram & i was more than thankful for the reach outs & good thought & prayers. thank you thank you!

& i continue to pray for those that i know are still on this journey themselves. whether it be for baby #1, #2, #3 or #7. it doesn't matter. my prayers are coming your way- boom.

& this was a novel. my apologies. but looking at charts are fun, right? or am i the only weirdo who thinks that?

how to say, "i'm pregnant" in french: "i suis enceinte"

there. now you've learned something today. "i suis enceinte"
i've been saying that a lot lately (in english) because, well, i am.

the past 13 weeks & 4 days have been filled with a blur of gratitude, exhaustion, nausea, life decisions, reflections, excitement, fear, eating all the food, happy grandparents & friends, peeing @ 2 am, more life decisions, absolute aversions to avocados & chicken, & etc etc.

it's been a blast.
in between the haze of "i need sleep" & "i need food" i tried to think of a fun way to tell our family & friends about baby bird #3. the idea took root in my mind & once the girl's Christmas dresses arrived i begged them for 3 minutes to smile & hold a sign.

was it a success? well, you tell me:

yep. i think so. 

i slapped this baby on FB & called it a day.

one head swap later i did manage to save this one for the records as well:

i know for a fact that fruit snack bribery had something to do with it. not the promise of a new brother or sister. so fickle.

but yes- baby bird #3. wow. EDD: July 9th, 2013. boom.

i know people (like me) love the specifics. so i'll come back this week with the how's & why's & when's. but for now,  i hope you & yours had a Merry Christmas.Happy Holidays & a fantastic New Year!

heartache

“Sorrow makes us all children again - destroys all differences of
intellect. The wisest know nothing.”
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

today is not about gun control & pointing fingers.

my heart aches for parents that will go home tonight & not have the chance to tuck their children in. 

for the silence that will be so loud & unbearable. 

for young lives SO full of promise, that were stolen.

for families that have lost a piece of their puzzle.

there is nothing i can say that can make this tragedy anything less than it is, absolutely heartbreaking.

thoughts & prayers for those in pain.

& so blessed for the safety of friends & family.

break-er break-er 9. or whatever.

i took a break. not on purpose but sort of on purpose. mainly, the break transpired because of pure lack of motivation & everything that goes along with that.

like, ideas, energy, thought, stuff & things. you know.

i'm trying to work this blogging thing back into my schedule. i'm trying to manage my time & energy & the things i want/need to do.
i do love coming here & writing. sharing our lives & random stuff that people probably don't care about.
it all comes back to the fact that it's for the girls. i'm not a journal writer. i'm never going to pass on a stack notebooks filled with my thoughts.

i have crappy handwriting & lined paper + fancy ink pens just don't do it for me.

so this blogger deal is where it's at. for now. until i can just project my thoughts & hilarity somewhere with minimal amounts of work. or no work. no work would be nice.

anyway. this weekend is jam packed.

tomorrow is miss brynn's 2nd b-day party (OMGIKNOWRIGHT?!) Milk & Cookies. & who has to make these cookies? not Mrs Fields.
my company Christmas party is also tomorrow (evening)- so i have to put on decent clothing, comb my hair & find my contacts. should be interesting.

sunday i have a newborn shoot in the early AM (ahhh, babies) & then a birthday party for a dear friend's tyke (1.5 hours away). thankfully, said friend snagged the ikea rug that i've been SO DESIRING (last one in the store people) so my trip is two folds of awesome.

thankfully we have monday off to celebrate brynn's actual entry date into this world. we have grand plans for breakfast, gingerbread house making & a special present selection.

& now i'm off to fill gift baskets. at work. because being on the party planning committee is real people.
if you read this, thanks for taking me back. i'll try not to leave you again. like a scummy ex.

do all the things

i love fall. i love the holidays. i love eating all the food & shopping for all the things.

my goal this year is to stop & enjoy all the things.

the husband always tells me that i like to "be busy". clearly he is crazy because i'm probably one of the laziest people you will ever meet. no, i do not like to "be busy"- but he is correct in the sense that i'm always on the go. i may not "like" being busy but i'm always "being" being busy. does that make sense?

"hey, can someone do this?" OMG ME!
"hey, can you make 13 cakes & 20 dozen cookies?" OMG YES!
"hey, i really want this for Christmas..." OMG I WILL MAKE IT & OR BUY IT ASAP!
"hey, brynn's birthday is coming up." OMG THIS PARTY WILL BE EPIC!!!!
"hey, Thanksgiving dinner...?" OMG TURKEY & MASHED POTATOES & BOOZE!

you get the idea. i'm busy & i say yes & stretch myself too thin & forget to step back & take time to enjoy all of the things with the people i love. i'm not saying you can't be busy & enjoy- but for me there needs to be a balance. i need to learn to say "no" or just accept that others can accomplish things on their own. my way isn't the only way (omg. did i just say that?!?!)

it's sort of like when the girls get really tweaked over something. & then another thing. & then that. & then OMGMELTDOWNYOUDON'TLOVEME&IHATEALLTHETHINGS!!!!

so i call a time out, chill out & take a breath. damn kid.

so i guess this year i'm putting myself in a timeout. chill out. take a breath. damn trina.

yes- there are still things that need to be done & will be done my me. but not all of it. not so much that instead of relishing the experience i'm bemoaning it. not so much that i can't see past my annoyance to the joy of my children & others. not so much that people see a raving lunatic instead of a slightly frazzled working mother of 2 who badly needs a haircut but is still pretty stoked with life.

this is my plan. & i'm voicing it to remind myself.

i know very well that Pinterest will try & foil my plan because she is an evil temptress with her DIY's & delicious calorie filled desserts & my birthday is better than your birthday pins- but no. time out.

this may also be bad timing on my part seeing that i'm leaving for a short work trip to Raleigh tomorrow & what else is there to do on the plane besides PIN ALL THE THINGS...!

Lord help me.

trick or treat

this was the first year we've actually taken the girls trick or treating. they were finally old enough to "get" it & thanks to KB we were actually able to go to a neighborhood where houses were within reasonable walking distances.

the only con? we'd been without power since Monday & i was dragging. laundry, dishes, cleaning, no shower, etc etc. i was so close to saying, "no, let's just wait until next year." but then i thought of the girls & i realized how unfair that would be. they're only little once & just because i had dirty hair & was compensating for my lack of showering with perfume, didn't mean they should miss out.

thankfully, the power came back on Wed afternoon & KB had the girls at her house all day. so she bathed them & i rushed home to plus things in, throw clothes in the wash & pick out costumes. princess costumes. of course.

it didn't matter how much i stated, "no princesses!" in my mind- it was inevitable. the girls adore all things princess. so over the last year i've decided to just roll with it. why hate on something that brings them so much joy? in 10 years they might decide that the only color option in their closet = black & then i'll be crying for those princess days. so yeah- princesses work.

i gathered their digs (no costumes for mom & dad this year, although considering our lack of showers & clean clothing we may have passed as hobos) & headed over to KB's. a couple more of the girl's friends were there so 5 excited little girls ate pizza as a game plan was laid out.

costumes on- drive over to the selected neighborhood- park the cars- get pictures- start trick or treating.

6 o'clock = DARK in our neck of the woods. so you'll have to excuse my flashy pictures. the girls still look cute regardless.

as you can see, Pocahontas & Princess Jasmine made out like bandits. some bargaining was done on the way home & 1 package of pretzels, 1 Tootsie Roll & 2 lollipops were consumed in all.

they're not all that impressed with Kit Kat's & Snickers- but lollipops, pretzels & raisins are their jam.

costumes came off, teeth were brushed, stories were read & 2 slightly sugar rushed children were tucked in. tightly.

it was awesome.