brynn everly bird

12.10.10

she arrived on her due date. healthy & whole.

alex thinks she's just dandy...mostly.

and we came home today, on 12.11.10.

i'd have loved to stay in the hospital the extra day- but being home is easier on miss alex- so home it is.

i'll type out all the details later. but for now i rest, cry, feed, rock, change- etc etc.

and dear God- how could i have forgotten the pain of breastfeeding??? barely 2 days in & i'm dying. i've resorted to a nipple shield- need. relief. now.

but it's worth it. oh indeed.

baby bird#2 is a...

GIRL!!!

i must say- i called this one. sort of. i kinda assumed this one was a boy- but i said girl anyway. you know?
so when the tech said GIRL i wasn't really shocked or anything- just like...oh snap! another GIRL!

the husband looked like a mix of pleased + terrified. i really think he thought this was a boy. he is scared for his life now. he's pretty sure that he's never going to get to sit down & spend 7 hours watching the NFL Network in peace ever again.

poor man. anywho. so yes- baby bird #2 is a little lady loo! and she looks perfect (and big...hold me) and i'm stoked! i've got girl things & i know how to "do" girl stuff & i'm pretty sure that alex & #2 will be bff's forever & ever. hooray!

but you know what else this means? this means that the hubs is dead set on gracing the world with a little boy made from his sperm. so yes, 3+ kids it is. maybe. probably. eventually- i dunno? oy!

names? we're working on that one. i'm actually RELIEVED that there is a little lady inside of me- because we can agree on girl names. not so much on boy ones. so this saves us.

soooo- now that you've all passed out from the excitement (right?) we can move along.
i'd like to show you what Sunday consisted of:



sunday is my "sleep in" day- so when i got up & came out to the living room, this is what i saw. ::melt.puddle.on.floor.me:: you catch my drift. precious.

however the in-laws were headed over so i had to wake up the hubs & move the sleeping child to her own spot:



be still my heart.

eventually she woke up (when grandma arrived) and spent the rest of the day being doted on. and while grandma doted, mom cooked & daddy & grampa 99% finished the chicken coop:




once the chicken wire goes up this baby will be complete. if i were a chicken i'd want to live here forever. yes i would.

and as for the chickens- well i have no new pics. my bad. they've basically doubled in size & seem to be establishing a pecking order of sorts. i'll get pics ASAP.

and there you have it.

i'm feelin' it!!!

the blips & flips & gurgles way down low.

no, not indigestion- baby bird#2!!!

so i can officially say i started feeling him/her around 18weeks- just about the same time i started feeling alex.

i think this might be my favorite thing- because this is when s/he is ALL MINE! i don't have to share yet.
i can't wait until i feel more- i think watching & feeling alex kick me from the inside out was the best feeling in the world. the BEST!

::squee::

baby #2

so we had a meeting with our RE yesterday to discuss the making of baby #2. here's the gist:

1. i have to stop breastfeeding/pumping
2. i have to have 2 periods (my period has yet to make an appearance)
3. i have to have the basic blood/levels testing along with an SHG ::cringe::
4. we've got 5 frozen embryos left (2 from IVF#1 & 3 from IVF#2)
5. once all of the above is done- we'll go ahead with an FET & transfer 2 embryos

doesn't sound so bad, right? well i guess it's really not, except for the weaning part. in order to go forward with an FET i can no longer be breastfeeding (something to do with levels & uterine lining & etc)
i figured this & prepared myself mentally for it- but it still kind of sucks. besides the fact that it HURTS LIKE A BITCH, it's also somewhat of a mindfuck.

for example: i was doing my midday pump & i had to stop myself after getting 7 oz from each side. as i was sitting there looking at my un-emptied breasts i teared up. THERE'S STILL MILK IN THERE & IT BELONGS TO ALEX!!! WHY CAN'T SHE HAVE IT!?

ugh. it sucks- so many women get pregnant while breastfeeding. they go through their pregnancy & naturally wean their children before the new kid arrives- but i don't get that option. because making babies in this house requires needle sticks, thousands of dollars, lots of tears, dildo cams, miles of driving, time off of work, lots of BFN's & etc etc etc. it's not fair. but it's life.

so as i shut off the pump & pulled my nursing tank back over my still aching breasts- i sucked it up. we want another child so this is my reality. i will suffer- but it kills me that alex has to "suffer" for it too. she should get to drink breastmilk until she's done- until she weans herself- but she can't, because her father & i are broken. suck suck suck.

now- it's not like she's cut off right away. i've got a chest freezer with over 3,000 oz of frozen milk and i've given myself till the end of this month to actually "wean"- so she'll have breastmilk for quite awhile- but still. i'm going to have to supplement at some point- that's obvious.

but anyway- so now i sit here @ 3:30pm and my girls are SCREAMING! this is my usual pumping schedule/output:

-pump 3x per day (4am, 12pm & 8pm)
-20-22 oz per session
-60 oz per day

but since i'm trying to dry up, i'm still pumping 3x per day but instead of letting myself empty out- i stop @ 7 oz. do you have any idea how much this sucks? that leaves almost 5oz in each breast & within a few hours i'm already engorged once again. and today is only DAY 1 of operation wean. dear Lord.

eventually i'll have to go down to 2 pumping sessions- and then 1- and then none. NONE! this is really weird because for the past 4 months, pumping has been my life. literally- i pump & pump & pump. it makes me giddy to watch the bottles fill with milk & open the door to a full freezer. GIDDY! and now it's almost over. my boobs will no longer be what keeps her alive & it's like closing a chapter to her infant life. i don't like it.

but as i said- reality. this is it. so i'll do what i have to do.
i'm pretty sure i'm going to wind up bitching about clogged ducts & ruined shirts- but maybe you could all cross your fingers that i won't have to. please Lord- no more clogged ducts!!!!

so there you have it. if all goes according to plan (which it will) then we'll be scheduling our FET for sometime in April/May & PRAYING that it works. because if it doesn't then we're out $5k and then we'll have to be in $15k for a fresh IVF#3.

so yeah- fun, no? oh, and if anyone has tips on weaning, i'm all ears!!!