heartache

“Sorrow makes us all children again - destroys all differences of
intellect. The wisest know nothing.”
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

today is not about gun control & pointing fingers.

my heart aches for parents that will go home tonight & not have the chance to tuck their children in. 

for the silence that will be so loud & unbearable. 

for young lives SO full of promise, that were stolen.

for families that have lost a piece of their puzzle.

there is nothing i can say that can make this tragedy anything less than it is, absolutely heartbreaking.

thoughts & prayers for those in pain.

& so blessed for the safety of friends & family.

break-er break-er 9. or whatever.

i took a break. not on purpose but sort of on purpose. mainly, the break transpired because of pure lack of motivation & everything that goes along with that.

like, ideas, energy, thought, stuff & things. you know.

i'm trying to work this blogging thing back into my schedule. i'm trying to manage my time & energy & the things i want/need to do.
i do love coming here & writing. sharing our lives & random stuff that people probably don't care about.
it all comes back to the fact that it's for the girls. i'm not a journal writer. i'm never going to pass on a stack notebooks filled with my thoughts.

i have crappy handwriting & lined paper + fancy ink pens just don't do it for me.

so this blogger deal is where it's at. for now. until i can just project my thoughts & hilarity somewhere with minimal amounts of work. or no work. no work would be nice.

anyway. this weekend is jam packed.

tomorrow is miss brynn's 2nd b-day party (OMGIKNOWRIGHT?!) Milk & Cookies. & who has to make these cookies? not Mrs Fields.
my company Christmas party is also tomorrow (evening)- so i have to put on decent clothing, comb my hair & find my contacts. should be interesting.

sunday i have a newborn shoot in the early AM (ahhh, babies) & then a birthday party for a dear friend's tyke (1.5 hours away). thankfully, said friend snagged the ikea rug that i've been SO DESIRING (last one in the store people) so my trip is two folds of awesome.

thankfully we have monday off to celebrate brynn's actual entry date into this world. we have grand plans for breakfast, gingerbread house making & a special present selection.

& now i'm off to fill gift baskets. at work. because being on the party planning committee is real people.
if you read this, thanks for taking me back. i'll try not to leave you again. like a scummy ex.

do all the things

i love fall. i love the holidays. i love eating all the food & shopping for all the things.

my goal this year is to stop & enjoy all the things.

the husband always tells me that i like to "be busy". clearly he is crazy because i'm probably one of the laziest people you will ever meet. no, i do not like to "be busy"- but he is correct in the sense that i'm always on the go. i may not "like" being busy but i'm always "being" being busy. does that make sense?

"hey, can someone do this?" OMG ME!
"hey, can you make 13 cakes & 20 dozen cookies?" OMG YES!
"hey, i really want this for Christmas..." OMG I WILL MAKE IT & OR BUY IT ASAP!
"hey, brynn's birthday is coming up." OMG THIS PARTY WILL BE EPIC!!!!
"hey, Thanksgiving dinner...?" OMG TURKEY & MASHED POTATOES & BOOZE!

you get the idea. i'm busy & i say yes & stretch myself too thin & forget to step back & take time to enjoy all of the things with the people i love. i'm not saying you can't be busy & enjoy- but for me there needs to be a balance. i need to learn to say "no" or just accept that others can accomplish things on their own. my way isn't the only way (omg. did i just say that?!?!)

it's sort of like when the girls get really tweaked over something. & then another thing. & then that. & then OMGMELTDOWNYOUDON'TLOVEME&IHATEALLTHETHINGS!!!!

so i call a time out, chill out & take a breath. damn kid.

so i guess this year i'm putting myself in a timeout. chill out. take a breath. damn trina.

yes- there are still things that need to be done & will be done my me. but not all of it. not so much that instead of relishing the experience i'm bemoaning it. not so much that i can't see past my annoyance to the joy of my children & others. not so much that people see a raving lunatic instead of a slightly frazzled working mother of 2 who badly needs a haircut but is still pretty stoked with life.

this is my plan. & i'm voicing it to remind myself.

i know very well that Pinterest will try & foil my plan because she is an evil temptress with her DIY's & delicious calorie filled desserts & my birthday is better than your birthday pins- but no. time out.

this may also be bad timing on my part seeing that i'm leaving for a short work trip to Raleigh tomorrow & what else is there to do on the plane besides PIN ALL THE THINGS...!

Lord help me.

trick or treat

this was the first year we've actually taken the girls trick or treating. they were finally old enough to "get" it & thanks to KB we were actually able to go to a neighborhood where houses were within reasonable walking distances.

the only con? we'd been without power since Monday & i was dragging. laundry, dishes, cleaning, no shower, etc etc. i was so close to saying, "no, let's just wait until next year." but then i thought of the girls & i realized how unfair that would be. they're only little once & just because i had dirty hair & was compensating for my lack of showering with perfume, didn't mean they should miss out.

thankfully, the power came back on Wed afternoon & KB had the girls at her house all day. so she bathed them & i rushed home to plus things in, throw clothes in the wash & pick out costumes. princess costumes. of course.

it didn't matter how much i stated, "no princesses!" in my mind- it was inevitable. the girls adore all things princess. so over the last year i've decided to just roll with it. why hate on something that brings them so much joy? in 10 years they might decide that the only color option in their closet = black & then i'll be crying for those princess days. so yeah- princesses work.

i gathered their digs (no costumes for mom & dad this year, although considering our lack of showers & clean clothing we may have passed as hobos) & headed over to KB's. a couple more of the girl's friends were there so 5 excited little girls ate pizza as a game plan was laid out.

costumes on- drive over to the selected neighborhood- park the cars- get pictures- start trick or treating.

6 o'clock = DARK in our neck of the woods. so you'll have to excuse my flashy pictures. the girls still look cute regardless.

as you can see, Pocahontas & Princess Jasmine made out like bandits. some bargaining was done on the way home & 1 package of pretzels, 1 Tootsie Roll & 2 lollipops were consumed in all.

they're not all that impressed with Kit Kat's & Snickers- but lollipops, pretzels & raisins are their jam.

costumes came off, teeth were brushed, stories were read & 2 slightly sugar rushed children were tucked in. tightly.

it was awesome.

the girls

we could easily pretend that i'm an amazing & dedicated blogger who hasn't not posted in almost a month.

yes. let's pretend.

sitting at my computer the other day i realized that i still haven't posted alex's b-day party pictures. my goal is to do that before brynn's birthday in dec. goodness, that seems so lofty.
regardless, i do have some pictures from alex's actual birthday. we took the day off, went to breakfast & celebrated 3 years of being alive.

 

yes, i know- they're so big. i'm actually blown away looking at pictures of alex these days. she's a little person, yet bringing her home from the hospital 3 years ago is still pretty vivid in my mind.

she was so tiny & helpless & dependent on us. & now she's sturdy, self sufficient & ever so determined not to be dependent. mind blown.

you know when people tell you, "cherish it! it goes by so fast!" & you're like, "yeah yeah i know. but today feels like foreeeeever." yeah. crazy.

what we wore

my children are easy to dress. i can eyeball their size, grab something cute & call it a day.

myself, not so much. there is no eyeballing (mainly when it comes to pants)- those bad boys need to be tried on & analyzed in front of a full length mirror with horrible lighting.

but now & again i manage to snag a few items that actually work together (imo) & i feel like a respectable member of quasi-fashion society.

me:

sweater: Old Navy

pants: Old Navy

pink tank top: Target

shoes: Steve Madden

alex:

dress: H&M

shoes: Boc by Born

brynn:

dress: Zara

boots: Zara

apple picking

we took the girls apple picking last Saturday. i had envisioned an hours worth of us frolicking amongst trees heavily laden with ripe red apples, just waiting to be picked. i would take pictures that included lines of apple trees, bright with pops of red & green. we would fill 2 bags & happily crunch on fresh fruit as we went...damn. that sounds freaking incredible.

instead we got to the orchard only to be informed that the trees were running low & we may have to haul ass to find some.

...ok. we can still make this work.

10 minutes later: tons of trees. no apples. a squeaky wagon full of 45lbs of toddler. a sweaty mom. an annoyed dad. a vision shattered.

stupid.

but we prevailed & eventually found a few trees with apples....at the top. so the husband grabbed a ladder & got his climb on. the girls really had no interest in picking- so we did the work:

 while they hauled each other around in the wagon.

once we got going we actually filled up our bag pretty quickly. the girls humored me & picked a couples apples each:

then i decided that 20lbs of apples was probably enough. we wheeled our 60lbs+ of precious cargo back to my jeep & called it a day.

then i gave my kid a squeeze pouch filled with applesauce...it seemed wrong somehow.

i've since made 2 massive pans of apple crisp & coax the girls into eating at least 3 apples a day, & i still have 15lbs of apples left. 1st world problems.

happy birthday alex

so, this kid is 3 now. as of 09.24.12.
i'm actually doing a pretty good job accepting this fact because she's greeted her 3's like a champ.
& by like a champ i mean, like a crazed bear. complete with roaring & ground slapping. it's pretty incredible to watch.
sometimes i really want to ask her what she'd like for dinner, but i hesitate because, what if this is the wrong thing to ask?! maybe she doesn't want dinner....maybe she's not actually alex, but Princess Jasmine & if i call her by her God given name she'll flip the eff out on me. or maybe she's actually a puppy & "OMFG MOM PUPPIES DON'T EAT DINNER!!!!"
...but maybe, just maybe, she's actually hungry & if i don't ask her if she wants dinner then i've failed at my parenting duties.

..."hey alex, hon, do you want dinner...?"  ::wince::

we still love her though, just in case you were wondering. because when the bear hibernates she's pretty freaking awesome. & hilarious.

and demure:

clearly.

& then she's got this insane love of band aids. everything requires a band aid. brynn touches her? band aid. she gets food in her hair? band aid. a legitimate injury? 3 band aids.

a butterfly could land on her head & she'd insist it knifed her & she needs a band aid. which is why 95% of the time she walks around looking like this:

oh, hey Rambo.

i could go on & on. there are so many unique & interesting things about alex.

- she loves all things Disney Princess. ALL THE THINGS!!!
- she pretty much lives on mini bagels with cream cheese. & apples.
- she says things like, "oh mom, that's hysterical." & "i think you need to calm down."
- she loves to sing. sing, sing, sing.
- her memory is crazy good & i can no longer trick her because she's sort of a genius.
- she loves shoes, dresses & clip on earings.
- sometimes she's so sweet to brynn that it hurts & other times she's 2 hand shoving her.
- she adores her grandmothers.
- she's super outgoing, fun & loves other kids.
- she can count, knows her letters, knows her animals, knows her colors, etc etc etc.
- she's still tiny. 18month-2T stuff still fits. shoe size = 7.
- she doesn't like to color but she'll sticker the crap out of anything.
- she can recite entire movies. awesome or incredulous?
- she calls cupcakes "pup cakes" & asks for ice cream but really only want the cone.
- she likes to refuse naps but still needs them.
- she wakes up like her father: angry at everything
- she knows all her body parts & is fascinated by boobies.
- she's just great.

happy 3rd birthday alex. we love you. & we really can't wait to see what your 3's bring us. seriously- we're stoked.