pictures

first off- many thanks for the responses to my last post.
i like when things are warm & fuzzy.

like baby bunnies & newborn chicks.

but not mold.

this one time, in college, i didn't wash my towel for like 3 months (i'm not kidding. i was poor. and in college) and my roomate (in fact, the same one who's bridal shower was celebrated last weekend) pick it up, took a whif & stated,

"oh my GOD Beaner- this thing smells like hot mold!"

so when i think of warm & fuzzy- it makes me happy. but then i think about hot mold, on my body- and i get all twitchy.

anyways.

and as promised- here are some snapshots of last weekend:

this is what 6am looks like after 3 hours of sleep:







flattering- no?

our friend's have a super cute dog. olivia. she amazingly timid considering her size:




the husband = the Ace Venture of kids & pets



now that gary is no more (sob) this is my favorite cat- murray






poor olivia- she wanted us gone.



but she loves her mum.

and the chillin's:




"what dis?"

and a bit of instagram:



you know- looking at these pictures & thinking about how tired i was is actually making me tired. right now.

a great weekend- have one.

good mom. bad mom.

i frequent a message board (thebump) and came across a post this morning that made me think.

basically, one mother was defending her questionable parenting choices & several other mothers were attempting to educate her on why said methods might not be the best idea.

in this specific case i wouldn't say the original poster was being "judged" for her choices. as i stated, her methods are very questionable & frankly, borderline abusive.

i won't mince words- she's doing it wrong.

and a few ladies let her know this, very nicely i might add, and suggested ways to perhaps make her life a little easier.
they didn't jump down her throat & tell her she was a bad mom- instead they sympathized with her situation & let her know they know what she's going through.

now- i'm usually a "live & let live" type of person. stay out of my business & i'll stay out of yours. you do your thing & i'll do mine. agree to disagree. etc etc.

but i've found myself stepping out of my comfort zone every now & again.

i recall a time when i was working at McDonald's (be jealous of my employment under the golden arches) and a mother (who was around my age) came in with her child & ordered lunch. a happy meal of some sort.

i think the kid was probably around 2. he was zooming around the room and the mother looked...frazzled. meh. whatever. i was 20 & couldn't care less.
i think i probably mentally judged her for allowing herself to get knocked up so young.

about 5 minutes into their meal i could hear her shouting from the dining room. i peeked around the corner & witnessed what can only be described as a total breakdown.

she wanted him to eat. he didn't want to eat. he wants to play. he's 2. she's tired. she's upset. she has no idea what she's doing (?).

"eat please."
"no."
"EAT!"
"NO! TOY! DOWN!" (he throws throws half the content of his tray onto the floor)
"NO TOY! EAT YOUR DAMN FOOD RIGHT NOW!"

she procedes to snatch the toy out of his hand, smack him on the hand & stuff a few fries in his mouth.
of course now he starts crying.

she tells him to be quiet.
then he starts choking.
now scared herself, she tells him to stop crying & he'll stop choking.
then she starts crying.

wtf.

i look around the dining room- people are staring but doing nothing. i do see a mother with a couple older kids at another table start to get up- but my feet had already propelled themselves into action.

i'm 20. i have no kids. no clue how hard it is & honestly, i'm more concerned with paying my rent & finishing up a paper that's due in 24 hours.
but i did know that something was wrong.
this woman was losing her effing mind & no one was going to do a damn thing.

i ran over just in time to pound the kid on the back & watch him vomit up the contents of his stomach. all over himself, the table & the floor.

i watched as his gagging turned to sobs & then sniffles as his mother sat there, literally, frozen.
not moving. not talking. just watching me.

i asked him if he was ok? yes. did he want a new toy? yes. some juice? yes.

by now another mother (who was there with her own children) had come over to assist me.
we wiped him up & stripped him down to a diaper. a diaper that needed to be changed.
the woman took the boy into the bathroom to change him.

let me remind you that his own mother is still sitting there saying nothing. she's just crying.

once the other mother took the kid into the bathroom i sat down in his seat across from her.

so there i sat, in all of my 20 year old glory, mouth open- ready to ask her wtf her problem was when she looked up at me & said, in the most pitiful voice i've ever heard,
"i am so sorry. you must think i'm the worst mother in the world, don't you?"

and i just stopped.

oh my God. what do you say to that?

i looked at her & actually saw her (this may or may not have had something to do with the Psychology class i was currently taking)

young. tired. scared. broken. horrified with herself. the same age as me.

who the eff am i to judge her? i know nothing about her (except that fact that she likes extra onions on her burger which is despicable). i have no idea what it's like to be in her shoes.

"No. i don't. you're just....no one is perfect."

tears. sniffles.

"Oh my God. is he ok? oh my God. i'm so sorry Dylan! oh my God..."
"He's fine. just...he's all pukey. kinda gross. i gave him a new toy & he's getting changed."

by now the dining room has cleared out. but out of the corner of my eye i see the cops pull up.
she sees it too.
she literally crumples up. in on herself. making herself as small as she can. she starts crying again.

i tell her it's ok. i'll explain.
the other mother comes out. the girl's son & her own 3 kids in tow.

he sees his mom & comes running over. she scoops him up & he hugs her. she tells him she's so sorry. she loves him.

he tells her he has a new toy. and that he "frowed up!"

she thanks the other mother who smiles & tells her it's ok. she knows how it is (gesturing to her own 3 kids)

the cops come in. more tears. time to explain.
the other mother stays put & rubs the girl's back.

the kids run around the dining room.
i hear things like, "CPS. need help...programs. have you done this before? it's ok. i have 2 boys...."

in the end the cops give her a stern lecture about disturbing the peace & the need to control herself. they take her info & tell her there will be a follow up with a Social Worker.

she looks relieved by this.
the other mother stays the whole time.

i clean up the floor (freaking nasty) and keep an eye on the kids.

the girl thanks me. tells me i have no idea how much she appreciates everything.
the other mother gathers up her own kids & walks out with the girl & her son.
i watch them exchange info & get kids loaded into cars.
they drive away.

good bye. good grief. wtf just happened here?

i'm not going to say this was some big turning point for me. i quickly put the whole mess out of my mind & went on turn 21 & then 22 & then 23 & then get married & etc etc.

i still did my share of eye rolling & stating "that will NEVER when i have kids....!!!"
you know the deal.

and then i had alex. and then she turned 1. and then she had her very first tantrum.

and as the husband & i stood there, with mouths agape, watching our child kick & scream & spit (yes, spit)- the above memory exploded upwards and out from the deep recesses of my brain.

oh my God.

and then as she had more tantrums. and more. and more. and then i had brynn. and then i juggled 2 babies. and then alex started hitting & kicking & saying "NO!" & throwing food & wanting popsicles for breakfast, lunch & dinner...i got it.

this is so hard. and i have no idea what i'm doing. and i might lose my mind.

i want to point out that if the above McD's scenario had happened in the privacy of her own home, no one would have been the wiser. but because her breakdown happened in public- she never stood a chance.

we have ALL done things in the privacy of our own homes that we wouldn't dream of admitting to people. things that we might think of later on & feel pretty damn guilty about.

and so far as a mother i have said & done things i'm not proud of. i've had many a moment of weakness when alex is screaming for no apparent reason & brynn wants to be held.
when i haven't slept in days & there is laundry to be folded, groceries to be purchased & the dogs have peed on the floor AGAIN!!!

i've yelled back. i've screamed. i've cried.

i've thrown a toy across the room. i've slammed a door. i've seen red. i've lost it.

i've watched alex hit her sister even after i've said no. i've watched her get up from the chair i've sat her in, walk over, and smack her again. i silently remind myself that smacking her back isn't going to get my point across. is it?

she just hit brynn. i said no. how can i now hit her? how would that even...?!

and at my wits end, after watching her kick brynn in the face (for the 3rd time) i've found myself tapping her on the hand & shouting "OH MY GOD ALEX! KNOCK IT OFF!"

and in those moments i'm pretty sure that if anyone saw me they'd be horrified. perhaps even thinking that i'm a bad mom.
how could i yell at my kid? how could i throw my own tantrum? how could i just say,
"FINE! do whatever you want!!! here's a marshmallow! just give me 5 minutes PLEASE!!!"

i'm being honest here. and all i can say is try to be honest with yourself. if you see something that makes you want to judge, take a step back & put yourself in their shoes (if you even can).

if you're a parent- you. have. been. there.

instead of putting on your self righteous suit, try to help. try to be understanding. try to remember what it felt like when you were losing control.

wether it be online or in real life.

i'm not in any way condoning violence or abuse. both are wrong & should never happen. if it is happening, it should be reported.

i'm talking about the times where we all lose our cool & need a gentle reminder that we're human & it's ok to make mistakes. but that we need to learn from those mistakes & work on ways to make sure they don't happen again.

we need to stop pointing fingers and labeling others as a "bad mom" because that simply isn't our place.
on the same token, we need to admit to our faults & not take offense when given a suggestion on how to avoid certain situations.
plugging our ears to good advice & staying stuck in a rut won't do us any favours. amen?

so now when i see a mother at Target, with her kid screaming at the top of his lungs because he can't have his way, and i watch her either give in or ignore his wails- i don't roll my eyes or tsk tsk anymore- because oh my God, i was just there 5 minutes ago.
and now my kid, although tear streaked, is happily playing with a toy i told her she couldn't have.

go figure.

i feel your pain. i really do.

p.s. you're a good mom. remember that.

bridal shower weekend (in NY) recap

apparently, 2 screaming children at 6:30 in the A.M in the midst of a heat wave = an effective form of birth control.

obviously not for us, but i was glad to be able to perform this service for dear friends who are embarking on forever together.

"we want babies!"

::enter my children::

"holy shit. i don't think i can do this. never. ever. wtf?!"

you're welcome.

i mean honestly- the girls did pretty good. but a 6 hour car ride, being away from home in a strange house, with temps in the 100's & mommy not at the ready...that's a recipe for true colors to come out.

the husband really stepped it up & did what i needed him to do. wrangle the girls for 2 days while i slaved away in the kitchen.
they may have ingested handfulls of dog hair & come away with more than a couple decorative bruises (thanks to dive bombing off the bed) but all in all it could have been a lot worse.

we arrived in NY around 3am on friday (after driving all night while bebes slept to ensure a little sanity) and i was promptly awoken @ 6 am by brynn head butting me in the face.
good morning.
i got up & got to work. mixing, beating, cracking eggs, sifting flour, measuring butter, pouring batter, whipping egg whites- etc etc etc

by 12 noon i'd churned out 30+ cupcakes & 4 layers of cake. chocolate & white. in the hottest kitchen ever.

thankfully the rest of the kitchen duties were completed at another house that blissfully chilled with central air.
thank you God.

french macarons, marshmallow frosting, cupcakes in jars, s'mores on a stick. basically- enough sugar to make a dentist cringe.

the rest of the ladies also got to work making Sangria & mojitos & decorations & sliders & putting up tables/chairs, tissue paper pom poms- and more.

we wrapped up the day by going out (girls only) for sushi & gelato.
i usually stay away from sushi- but i decided to be brave (somewhat- i didn't touch anything with raw fish) & go for it.

wow. i want to be rich & eat sushi on a daily basis. thank you very much.

i also had my way with some scallion pancakes & a plate of Pad Thai. heaven.

back to the house (thankfully the room we stayed in was kindly fitted with an AC unit. omg. it was like out own personal arctic vacation) where i fell into bed & snagged 5 hours of shut eye.

back up @ 6:30. banana waffles made. fruit & coffee consumed.

stepped out into stifling heat & immediately became drenched in sweat. quick stop at Wegman's (omg NY people. i am ever so jealous of your Wegman's. i need one. it made me ridiculously happy)

back to the central air house ::queu angels singing::

3 hours & way too many egg whites & pounds of butter later- bridal shower cake = completed.

everyone came together & wrapped up loose ends. food prepped & decorations done. flowers sorted & drinks full of ice.

we (myself & tiffany- the bride to be's sister) rushed back to the house to change & grab the guest of honor.

back to the party (i must mention that it was outside. and it was hot. but it was still awesome)

everything was in order. she cried. we laughed. she hugged. we said "hooray!". everyone ate, played shower games & "oooh'd & aaah'd" over gifts.

squeals of joy were heard when i brought out the cake.
manda's reaction made it all worthwhile.
she loved it.

dessert consumed. favors passed out. people saying their goodbyes. cleaning up. bridesmaids jumping in the pool. drinks being consumed.

it was wonderful.

i had to skip out early & head back to the house. the husband & i quickly packed the car & bundled the girls into their seats. with the AC blasting & alex happily zoning out with a movie, we headed back to our home state.

somehow the husband managed to let the GPS get the upper hand & we found ourselves in Vermont. at 12 am. bendy roads & numerous deer are not a recipe for an awesome trip back home.

there were some choice words (uttered by the husband- not me) and some passing of slow Vermonters on yellow double lines (don't judge. we had no choice. pass or die) but we made it home in 1 piece.

we got the girls settled in bed & unpacked the car.
i threw in a load of laundry, put away food, packed up extras & washed dishes.
and we were in bed by 3:30. not too shabby.

..however, i was once again awoken at 6:30 in the AM thanks to my head butting child.

thankfully the day was cooler (plus we have AC) and a trip to the in-laws, to pick up the dogs, resulted in lunch.
we spent some time hanging out & then baths were given & bedtimes came early.
i then sat my behind down for several hours of picture editing ::yawn::

11:30 = bed. finally. the end.

and now i'll overload you with pictures. because i know that's why you keep coming back to my corner of the internet. enjoy.

the cake & cake bunting (both made by yours truly)










the other desserts (also made by yours truly)







drink table





food





pretty tables & decoration






a crucial piece of technology



s'mores cupcakes in a jar (also made by yours truly w/layering assistance from the girls)





(i painted the lids with chalkboard paint)

the bride to be



crying after she saw the adirondak chair set we(the bridesmaids) got for her



we used a wood burning tool to sign our names!








the ladies






randoms










and etc et. the rest of the set is here: Flickr Set

i did snag pictures of the girls & the husband but i'll share those later. i fear that any more pictures might = loading issues.

happy monday!