status report

ZERO DIALATION!!!! ZERO ANYTHING!!!!

that's what's going on down under. i must admit, i'm really bummed. i don't think i realized how ready i was until the chance that something might be going on was taken away. ugh.

my internal exam wasn't terrible- but it wasn't pleasant either, i mean seriously, it felt like he was trying to reach my tonsils. at one point i literally screamed out DAMNIT!!!! and he apologized profusely, however, it could have been worse. it was mainly very, very uncomfortable.

anyways- he informed me that my cervix is nice & soft, but my inner cervix is like a fortress. like, he couldn't get his finger in there at all. closed up tight. like fort knox. gaaaaah.

so- he instructed me to come in next tues (9/22) for an NST & Ultrasound. so i go to schedule and guess what? they have nothing avail on tues. and i almost lose it. like, i had to take a minute to compose myself before i could speak to the checkout girl. a tear did manage to escape but i hid it well.

so- i have to go to the hospital on wed instead for the U/S an then to the office for the NST. freaking great.
i get my paperwork- walk out the door & start BAWLING! like, wtf?! i was just so bummmmmed. mainly because my OB said if everything looks good next week then they might not even try to take her until the following week...WHAT!? NO! i CANNOT wait that long!!!! argh.

so i cried myself home and decided i just need to suck it up. it's not like i can do anything, you know? and it really doesn't matter as long as she's ok- but i also worry about that. how long can she possibly be ok in there?! gosh.
i have to laugh too because i guess after an internal "normal" women are supposed to have a bloody show of sorts- yeah, not here! i had some weird "stuff" make an exit but no cramping or anything. aaawesome.

ah well- at least i found these ADORABLE doxie pieces at Gymboree this afternoon- on sale too!

::squee:: right? i'm pumped!

so that's that. at least i decided to be "done" with work- i can only imagine people's faces if i were to show up. meh.

a day of first & lasts

Firsts:
at 4:20pm i will experience my first internal exam. needless to say, i am not looking forward to it. in fact, i'm still trying to figure out how my OB's hand is going to fit inside of, what i consider, a rather small opening. dear God.

regardless of everything i've been through to get to here- i am still not a fan of having my privates violated by the men & women OB's & RE's of the New England area- just sayin.

i blame this all on my child for being late- seriously.

Lasts:
today will be my last day of work- whoa now! i said i'd work up until i delivered, and i've tried. the problem is that since Alex doesn't see the need for punctuality, i am forced to make a decision to make the lives of my co-workers easier. why should they have to wait & wonder what day i'm not coming in? why should my unfinished work have to be pawned off on them? it's easier if i just pick a day, make it my last & go. so that day is today.

they're going to "take her by force" at some point next week anyway- so i figure this is close enough.
everyone is very sad, of course, because i'm pretty awesome (for realz) but i shall return & they are aware of this.

Realization:
i still don't have a diaper bag. damn me & my indecisiveness. i want something modern, adorable (but not too adorable), green (but not too much green) , big (but more like medium)- etc etc etc. how can one person make such a decision?!

oh, and if one more person says "No baby yet?!" i might snap. seriously- i never realized how annoying those 3 words could be. i SWEAR to never ask a pregnant lady that question. for real.