my saturday

so i'm going to one of my best friend's bridal shower today. she's getting married on 8/8/08!!! i'm so happy for her- it's funny too because i got married on 7/7/07 :) aaaanyway- i wrapped up her baking pans & such last night & i must say, i love my wrapping job:



wouldn't you be excited to open this?!

aaalso- i got my Plumeria Plant (white plumeria) on thursday. i thought it was supposed to have blooms but it obviously does not- but it's ok- it's got 2 pretty leaves (there were 3, stupid USPS) & some great roots. i re-potted it yesterday with a nice 50/50 mix of Sta Green All Purpose Potting Mix & Perlite- i watered it well & let it drain- and now i won't water it again until the soil is nice & dry. i'm really hoping it grows well & give me some flowers next spring. i also ordered another one with blooms (orange/pink blooms) and that should get here sometime next week.



the cats we're very interested in this new addition!
and that's about it- now i'm just looking forward to our wtf?! appt on tues!!! i can't wait to start my FET cycle! i really pray it works this time- PLEASE GOD!
ciao!

back to work

ugh- i don't WANT to work. lame. anyway- i finally saw Juno the other night- it was cute! i enjoyed it.

as for the rest of this past weekend- we simply hung out, ran some small errands, watched movies/tv, and just...hung out. the weather was awesome and i think i got a bit of a tan. it was nice to just sit around & not have to DO anything. i think i could get used to a life like that- honestly.

but now it's back to reality. it's only 4 more days..and only 7 days until our wtf?! appt. so at least i have that to look forward to. amen.

the chronicles of narnia

we went and saw Prince Caspian and it was aaaawesome. it almost made me cry because it brought me back to all the the dreams and imagination i had as a child. i used to sit and PRAY to God that He would let me find the entrance into Narnia. i just wanted to BE there SO BAD! haha- it's funny now but back then, my imagination took over and i REALLY believed that there was a Narnia. i totally convinced myself. even now, there is a small piece of me that still wants it to be true. of course it's not- but i can dream!

but yeah- it was awesome. if you have an affinity for The Chronicles Of Narnia, like i do, then i strongly suggest you go see this movie. you won't be dissapointed.

i also needed some new flowers because my lilacs died- they had a good run though. so i went over to The Blushing Rose and bought some white & blue hydrangeas:


they're beautiful & they smell wonderful- one of the cats (i'm thinking it was gary) knocked them over- but they survived the fall and still look wonderful. they won't last long- i'll probably get 3-4 days out of them- but it'll be worth it! i had wanted these for my wedding centerpieces but they were out of season & way to $$$. this little bunch alone cost me $8! so yeah- we went with some cheaper white nondescript flowers. it worked.
God Bless

Beta= 0

so the nurse called and told me my beta = 0. really?! duh, i could have told them that! instead of being sad, we will look at cute pictures of the "kids" when i took them outside to play last saturday.

here's maceo being fat- haha! she's camera shy. this accounts for the 1 picture of her.


and gary, playing in the grass, stalking & eating bugs- like a kitty tiger.


maximus- rolling around, getting filthy. he's so cute!

i'm so glad it's almost summer- sooooo glad!

WTF Appt scheduled!!!

WTF?! Appt w/RE: June 3rd @ 3 p.m.

yay! i'm glad we got an appt so fast! i also spoke with the nurse today & told her i was having an OBVIOUS period & i am NOT taking any more supps or pills- she said ok, i also told her i want my BETA test moved up- she said ok, hah! of course she did! i have to go in tomorrow @ 7 for my pointless blood test. they're also going to check some other levels too. she kept saying my LP was short but it really wasn't- she didn't know i had a 5 day transfer- psha!
so yeah- she was saying if my progesterone level sucks then i'll have to do PIO shots next time- um, NO! my levels were fine! even high! so i can hopefully just stick to the suppositories. she also said my FET wouldn't be this cycle (obviously) but most likely next cycle (so june! yay!) and yeah. soooo, i'm glad they have finally listened to me & that i have a WTF?! appt set up & that we have some frozen embies!
that's all for now- i'm going to go do all the things pregnant women can't do :)

9dp5dt = CD1

hmmm- well there is no doubt about it now!!! AF started with a VENGENCE this morning- horrible! so i'm going to call my nurses again & let them know, & also tell them that i refuse to take any meds or suppositories- ha! well see what they say about that! i'm also going to insists that they move my beta up- i want to get it over with & move on. so there!!!

so that's that!!! i'm SO drinking this weekend :)
God Bless

8dp5dt = BFN

IVF#1= BFN

i'm calling it- i tested again and it was a BFN- duh. so i went against dr's orders & didn't take my progesterone suppositories last night or this morning- and now i can feel AF starting to "move"
i'm still getting the stupid Estrace pills today & i'm trying to decide if i'm going to use them or not- i'm thinking no, but i'm not sure. they're not going to do anything- but i feel like my RE will know if i don't use them, and then he'll yell at me or something. yikes! but it's stupid- it's a waste of time & money for me to take them. blah.

so now we wait- wait for my period to start with a vengence and then wait till my pointless Beta on the 27th and then wait for our WTF Appt with the RE and then wait to start our FET cycle and then wait some more. stupid waiting- it's very boring. whatever- i'm going to drink my 180 today & eat chocolate & have sex (well, not today- haha) & change the cat litter box (meh)
God Bless

7dp5dt- update

so the nurse just called & said my RE wants me to start taking Estrace 2x a day until the Beta (my E2 is low)- i also have to keep taking the suppositories (my progesterone level is fine). i'm so annoyed- i don't know why they insist on postponing the inevitable- i told her this & she said that if i've already started AF then that means i have a very short LP- um, no- that would make it 12 days which is my usual LP- i almost always start AF 12 dpo- ugh.

i know i'm not pregnant- i know my body & i could tell by her tone of voice that she knows it too- she said that the RE wanted "to see what this does" stupid! i don't care what it does- i just want to have AF and move on. but whatever- i should get my Estrace pills by tomorrow & my Beta is on the 27th- then we'll go from there. i don't feel like stringing AF along for another week- i'm seriously considering taking the Estrace but stopping the supps. they suck & if i'm starting AF while on them, what's the point? if my levels are fine then why do i have to keep taking them? it's dumb. by the time my Beta comes, AF will have come & gone. this is lame.

whatever. i'm not really sad or upset anymore- i'm just annoyed. i feel like time is being wasted- it's just a week but still- ugh.

7dp5dt

i went in for bloodwork this morning @ 7. thank God i left so early because as soon as i pulled in (10 min early) like 4 more people pulled in after me- it was a race to the door (literally) and i totally won. i definately got some glares, but whatever. i was there FIRST! so i was in & out in like 10 min & got to work for my usually 7:30. i am pleased. the nurse was being very nice & told me she hoped for good #'s for me- i told her thank you, but i'm not holding my breath.
i'm no longer bleeding red, but i'm still spotting brown i'm bleeding red again & i'm having the worst cramps- so yeah. OH! and can we also discuss how...ITCHY i am?! internally!! good LORD! these suppositories are killing me (vaginally speaking) i've never had a yeast infection & i'm pretty sure this isn't it (no smelly discharge or anything) so i'm chalking it up to the supps. i can't wait to not have to shove those things into myself. my husband cannot wait even more because that means he might actually get sex- it's been over a month so he's pretty much dying right now. ha- poor guy.

anyway- so now i wait. i don't think they're checking my Beta but i know they're going to check my E2 & progesterone so those #'s will give them a pretty good idea of where i stand. i just want this day to be over so i can go home & watch House. blah.

bleeding at 6dp5dt

i just went to the bathroom and when i looked down, there was bright red blood in the toilet & a clot- and when i wiped, there was more. i'm also super crampy.

i'm pretty sure that this isn't implantation.

*update*
i called the nurse's line asking if i could come in earlier for a bloodtest so i don't have to keep taking the suppositories if i don't need to be- i thought i would be fine but right in the middle of the call i got so choked up i couldn't even spek- i finally managed to spit out my name & phone number and hung up- the nurse that listened to it probably thought i was some crazy person. she just called me back & i'm going to go in for some bloodwork tomorrow @ a lab in bedford, nh (which is way closer than lexington)

now i'm just going to fold laundry & cry, my husband isn't home and i'm glad because i look so ugly when i cry. this is so unfair.

6dp5dt

i just realized that i was wrong. my last period started 04/25- so my next one is due 05/22- which is in 4 days. for some reason i thought it wasn't due till the 28th. ugh. so this cramping could very well be AF on the way. i also wiped this morning & i'm pretty sure i'm spotting- i say pretty sure because i'm pretty irritated "down there" from these stupid progesterone supps so i have no idea, but i'm sure it's spotting- just because. i'm not feeling positive anyway.

no symptoms- BFN yesterday- why the fuck do i have to wait till the 27th for my Beta?! if AF starts on time i'm going to call and demand they move it up- also i don't want to drive to fucking lexington to have my blood drawn- they need to find me somewhere closer. ugh.

i'm so pissed off. i had my crying jag yesterday and today, i'm just pissed.

lilacs

i love lilacs- they're probably my favorite flower & smell.
i was feeling pretty BLAH today after my BFN so when my MIL called & told me her lilacs were in bloom and that i could come over & get some, i was thrilled. my husband & i drove over & i left with a big ole bunch of them:
i'm a little worried that my cats will try & eat them because that's what they do- but so far they've sniffed & don't seem very interested. i also put them up a little high & made it so they can't jump up on the book shelf. ha! suckers.
::sigh:: they're sooo pretty & they smell sooo good. that & my brownie sundae from DQ have put me in a pretty ok mood for the rest of the night :)

5dp5dt

BFN.
don't know what to think.

*UPDATE*
i'm still having pretty bad cramps. this sucks- i thought it might be a good sign, but now i'm thinking no. i don't have any symptoms (besides feeling icky) and i'm not feeling too positive right now. i can't believe my Beta is over a week away. ::sigh::

cramps at 4dp5dt

so i just had some God aweful cramps- like, they made me stop & stand there for a minute cause they hurt. it wasn't unbearable, but not pleasant- now they've faded to dull cramps- then i went into the bathroom & found an abundance of creamy cm- hmm- i hope this is good.
that is all!

4dp5dt

here i am- 6:30 a.m. before work- it's friday! if that little blast was going to implant, it would have done it by now- so there is nothing i can, or cannot do. i'm jut praying it DID implant and that it WILL stick. ::sigh:: no cramping this morning- sooo yeah.

should i test tomorrow? that would mke me 10 dpo...ARGH!
God Bless

9 embryos made it to freeze!

yaaaay! we got our letter and we have 9 snow embies! we're so stoked!

3dp5dt

nothing to report here- just twiddling my thumbs. eating pineapple (is it bad that i can consume a 4 serving can on my own?) and yeah. still feel like AF is on her way- hoping that's good.

yeah- that's about it.
God Bless

UPDATE: i'm cramping pretty bad- like AF will appear within the next 5 min. ugh.

FREE McDonald's chicken breakfast sandwich!

yay! i've been wanting to try it! i'm going to buy their new Sweet Tea (which i've also wanted to try) and get me one of those sandwiches. time: 7am-10:30am
Dunkin Donuts is also giving away free medium iced coffees today from 10am-10pm- but i can't have that- boo hiss! stupid caffeine restriction (i'm cheating a little with the sweet tea!)

i'm already salivating.

homemade chewy granola bars

Chewy Granola Bars Recipe:
2 1/2 c. Oats - quick rolled oats
1/2 c. Rice Krispies
1/4 c. coconut (i left this out- but it's your choice)
1/2 c. M&M minis(i used regular ones since the minis don't seem to exist anymore)
1/2 c. brown sugar
1/2 tsp. salt
1/2 c. butter, softened
1/4 c. honey
1/2 tsp. vanilla

Add all of the ingredients and mix together until combined. Press into an ungreased square 8×8 pan. Bake at 350° for 18-20 minutes. Cool for 10 minutes and score into bars. Let it set completely and then cut into bars. For thinner bars, press mix into a 9×13 pan.

ok- can we talk about HOW GOOD THESE WERE?! OMG! i LOVED THEM! and so did everyone at my & my husband's work. they're just- awesome. sooo easy to make too- i totally suggest you try them! wow. i also made brownies but those are bad for you....but i had one anyway. ok- sorry.
God Bless

2dp5dt

so- i feel like my period is coming. THAT is how i feel. i am crampy & hungry & blah blah. but i also had really sharp pains this morning for a couple hours- but those have vanished & are now just dull, aching cramps.
now, i think it's a little too early for AF- my cycle started 05/01 & it's only 05/14. so even if this was a usual cycle- i wouldn't have even ovulated yet. so maybe this is a good thing? i don't know. it's probably just the progesterone supps. those things suck- i feel like a leaky faucet all day long. it's nasty. even pantyliners don't really do much because it's...wet. i'm like a leakey, wet, gross thing. ha!
yeah- so- i know i shouldn't be EXPECTING to feel anything yet- but according to google, most 5day transfer blasts, implant within 48 hours of the transfer- soooo, yeah..!? who know.
i'm really praying this is it- with everything in me, i want this to be it- but i can't get my hopes uo. it;s really sad but i'm already "planning" what i will do next cycle. IF has stolen all hope & positive thoughts about TTC from me. it really sucks.
but i'm going to try! i'm going to TRY and be positive!! please God!! help me! i'm a little bummed my Beta isn't until 05/27- that seems rather far away- i mean, since my LP is usually 12 days- could i not test @ 7dp5dt & possibly get a BFP? i dunno. we'll see what i decide to do. depends on what my body is telling me.
alright- that's all for now. i'm just willing the next two weeks to go by quickly!
God Bless

back from ET!!!

xp rom thenest:
well- we're back from our 5day transfer! it was really simple EXCEPT for the fact that i had to PEE SO BAD! i seriously thought i was going to pee all over the table. and they make you lay there for 15 min after & i almost didn't make it- in fact, i didn't. i got up like 2 min early- but i just couldn't do it!ok- onto the embyos. so we transferred one "A+ Expanded Blastocyst" (approx 100 cell stage) the RE said that it was "perfect" and because it looked so good & because i'm so young he would only let us transfer one. my husband & i were going to ask for two, but we could tell he wasn't going to budge on that one! so one it was! we got to watch it go in & now we're just praying that it sticks around!!!!my Beta is on 5/27 (sooo far) so until then, we just wait. on pins & needles!!!let' see if this picture works- you can't see much but...(look left) yay! i pray this works- please GOD!

that's all for now- God Bless!

fert report#2

ok so they've pushed us out to a 5 day transfer! they said all the embryos look good so we should have a good selection on mon- they'll call tomorrow with another update- i'm so excited!

but i'm also annoyed because we haven't told any family that we've been TTC- i just didn't want to. but today brandon i supposed to go shooting with his dad, brother & uncle- well since there was also a chance of the ET being today i told him he would have to let them know he might not be able to make it- i told him to come up with an excuse. so what does he use? he uses ME! he tells them "it's something medical with trina" but he doesn't give them a good excuse- so his parents are the classic worrywarts and they keep calling and asking if i'm ok. he says yes, but he can't tell them what it is...?! why would you say that?! now they're NOT going to let up- he finally had to tell them "it's something to do with us having trouble getting pregnant" and then he said they felt bad because they could THEN tell he didn't want to say anything. UGH! so annoying! he didn't use ANY of the excuses i gave him that would have worked FINE- no- he has to say that. whatever. as long as they don't mention it i'll be fine- i don't need any addtl pressure. blah.
so i'm a bit annoyed about that but it's not the end of the world i guess. i mean, if (WHEN!) this works, we don't plan on telling anyone till at least 12 weeks anyway- so it'll still be a surprise of sorts. at least my parents don't know...because they're not SUPER NOSY WORRYWARTS!
heh- no i love my in-laws but i wish they had just left it alone. meh.

anyway- i'm still bloated & crampy from the ER so i'm gonna rest up & read today. i was supposed to go shooting but i really don't feel up to it- so, no go. it'll be a nice day to just relaaaax. we did mother's day for my mom last night, so we only have to do his mom tomorrow- so that'll give me another day to just chill out too. it'll be good.
ok that's it.
God Bless

no fert report

the nurse called & i got all excited to hear the news...yeah- no news. she was just calling to see how i felt- she said i would get a call tomorrow afternoon with my fert report & info on either our 3 or 5 day transfer. ::scowls:: i want my fert report right now! ugh!

whatever i guess- patience is a virtue. blah

in other news: i got up at least 4 times to pee last night- yeah- i'm guessing it's because i was forced to drink about a gallon of nasty, ass Gatorade yesterday. meh! also the progesterone supps. aren't a walk in the park either- they kind of splooge out at random moments & even panty liners don't cut it- oh well- if this is what it takes to get us a baby i'll do it!

i'm still a little crampy from yesterday but otherwise, i'm feeling pretty ok!

anyway- i'm off to a "training class" at work- i'm so happy it's almost the weekend- yessss!

God Bless!

back from ER!!! 21 eggs!!!

c&p from the nest:

yay! i'm back- a little sore "down there" and a little woozy & tired, but otherwise feeling fine. i was SO hungry- so i'm happy to be able to finally eat!it was over before i knew it! one minute i had the mask over my face & the next minute i was waking up! that was the best sleeo of my life! it took a little longer than usual because they got 21 eggs!! the nurses were very impressed & the dr was happy! she said that was the most she's seen in a long time- so yay! i'm an egg making machine!they also said my husband specimin was very good- so yay again!they'll call me with a fert report tomorrow & i can't wait!!! for now i'm going to eat, drink lots of Gatorade & sleep. good luck to all my IVF cycle buddies who are having ER's today- my fingers are crossed for you!

TRIGGER DAY!

so i get to TRIGGER TONIGHT! at 8:30 on the dot i will go give myself my last injection (Ovidrel) for this cycle! i'm so excited! my ER is on Wed @ 8:30! we get there @ 7:30 & my husband gives his sample 8:30ish. then i get to go home and rest- and then we WAIT! i' praying for ALOT of mature eggs & healthy sperm! since we are using ICSI, i'm really confident that whatever mature eggs i have WILL fertilize! they have to!

omg! this is it! it's real! i'm so so so sooo excited! the only thing that makes me sad is the my IRL TTTC neighbor/friend's IVF cycle got cancelled- i feel really bad for her because she's really down- her embryos didn't make it past day 2 :( she's already started BCP for her next cycle but she's still pretty bummed- i hope this one does it for her!!! and i hope this cycle is it for us too!!!!

that's it for now- i'm going to count down the minutes till my shot!!!!
GOD BLESS!

i made cupcakes: White Cupcakes with Mint Pieces & Mint Frosting. yummo!

i'm far to lazy to type out the recipe. basically it's a vey basic white cupcake recipe & i threw in some andes baking pieces. the frosting is a basic Crisco, milk, powdered sugar, vanilla frosting- except instead of vanilla i used peppermint extract! throw in a few drops of green food coloring- throw some andes baking pieces on top and WALLA!!!

i adore mint- so i'm quite pleased!






i've already eaten one- and i have three extra ones sitting on the counter calling to me- i'm going to ignore them and drink my damn Gatorade.

stim day 9 checkup

so, i don't know how many more shots my poor arms can take:
i look like a heroin adsict- meh!

ok so anyway: i went in this morning @ 8:45- i had my Bw&US & afterwards took my Ganirelix shot. i just got a call back from the nurse:

Follicles= 24 measurable ones- so that's good.
E2= really high (i've been told to drink Gatorade-64oz. ugh, i hate Gatorade)
Protein= i need to increase is by 30 grams a day (how the hell?)
Gonal-F= none tonight. they're going to "coast" me. whatever that means.
Ganirelix= tomorrow morning before my appt
Follow-Up= tomorrow @ 6:45a.m. (ugh)

so no trigger tonight- they're going to "coast" me and have me not take any gonal-f tonight. i''l take my ganirelix tomorrow morning before my BW&US & then they'll call me tomorrow and let me know if i can trigger. she said i should order some more Ganirelix just in case though- what a pain!!! ahh well. whatever.
that's all- God Bless

stim day 8 check up

well tonight will be my 8th day of stims! anyway:
i had a 9:45 appt this morning and i dragged brandon along- poor guy. there were other guys in the waiting room so i'm sure he didn't feel too weird. ok so this is what's up:

E2= 1,664 (much better)
Follicles= i have a ton of mature ones: 11mm, 12mm, 12.5mm, 13mm, 13.5mm, 14mm, 15mm, 16mm & 17mm!!! there are a bunch of immature ones as well but i seem to have a pretty good amount!
Lining= 9.7 (she said that was excellent!)
Gonal-f= i'm upping my dose from 112.5iu to 225iu for tonight
Ganirelix= another does after my 8:45 appt tomorrow
Follow-Up= 8:45a.m. tomorrow
aaaaand, the BIG NEWS is that I MIGHT TRIGGER TOMORROW! the nurse said she's pretty sure i will but she wants to see what my #'s are tomorrow first! YAY! so that gives me an ER date of TUESDAY! WOO HOO!!! so brandon has to "do his thing" tonight so that's he's good to go for Tues (or Wed if they push it back) so yeah! everything is going swimmingly!

i'm really REALLY excited! (so is brandon- but he's all worried about taking time off from work- pssssha- he hates loosing overtime) whatever- he'll be fine!
so yeah- that's it for now! God Bless!

stim day 7 check-up

so i went in this morning @ 6:45ish for my 7th day of stimming check-up. i had a different nurse than usual for my ultrasound & i didn't like her as much as the other one. it felt like she was trying to shove the and up my hoo-ha as far as it would go! she also used waaaay to much lube- gross. and she didn't talk while she was doing it ::pouts:: but she was effecient. my follicles are maturing nicely (she gave me #'s but she said it way to fast for me to even try & remember) but i know i heard: 15mm- 14mm- 13mm- 12mm & 11mm. so that fabulous! also my bloodwork nurse obviously doesn't know how to hold down the gauze after pulling the needle out because i have a beautiful bruise on the inside of my arm now- awesome.

anyway- they just called back with my results & they are as follows:
E2= no #'s but she said it "looks good"
Follicles= see above (basically a bunch of nice maturing ones on oth sides)
Gonal-f= i need to up my does from 75ui (or is it iu?) to 112.5ui for tonight
Ganirelix= i need to take another shot tomorrow morning before my appt.
Follow Up= tomorrow morning @ 9:45a.m.

so yeah- everything still looks good! i am SO sick of driving out there every day but i really shouldn't complain!!! i'm going to make brandon take me tomorrow- sucker!
and that's it for now- God Bless!

stim day 6 checkup

ok so another 6:30 a.m. appt revealed:

Follies: L=20 & R=18 (or something) the important thing is that a bunch of them are maturing well (i have like 6-7 @ 10-10 1/2 & 2-3 @ 11 & 1-2 @ 12 & 1 @ 13 1/2!!! so the nurse said that wqas good! also i havea bunch that are right under 10mm- so those should keep growing!
E2= 2,663 (wowzers) she said it was a bit high so they had me run home (about 40 min ago) and take my first Ganirelix shot! it was a little diff than the gonal-f shots, but again, not bad. the injection site itches & burnes a littled but it's not that bad. they said that this should help keep my E2 level in check.
Gonal-F: will stay @ 75iu until further notice!
Ganirelix: first shot today @ 1ish & i take another tomorrow morning before i go in!
Next Appt: Tomorrow morning @ 7a.m.- ugh. ahhh well- it's all worth it :)

yay- im' so excited! i'll update again tomorrow!
God Bless