happy new year

i haven't had a new year where all i did was stay in the house all night- but it looks like that's what we'll be doing this year. we had quite a bit of snow last night & today so going out would be a bit of a pain in the ass. it was simply going to be a night of boredom & drinking at brandon's best friend's house but that's better than nothing. meh. oh well. it's really not all that bad. i'll ring in the new year with a book.

happy new year everyone.

merry christmas

i ovulated today. merry christmas to me! maybe it's a sign!

and merry christmas to everyone else!
God bless!

ugh

*UPDATE*

she's SO pregnant. i saw all the signs and she wrote "i think i might be pregnant" on the calendar near their door. why would you do that? and oh yeah, she hasn't told her husband but he already knows and he's pissed. awesome.
how annoying.

drunken stupor

this is my husband after getting trashed at his christmas party:



yeah- he was pretty wasted- he kept going around telling everyone that he was "them" it was quite amusing.
i on the other hand only had three drink and i was quite sober- one of us had to drive!
all in all it was a good time.

in other news- i should be ovulating sometime between the 23-25. yes- merry christmas! i hope it's a sign- because it's getting increasingly more difficult to stay positive about this whole process. this is month #9 and i'm getting...meh.

it doesn't help that friends of ours that aready have 3 kids (1 his from a previous marrige & 2 theirs) who have NO MONEY to speak of- live in a tiny 2 bdrm condo- she doesn't work- want a house- again, have NO MONEY EVER- oh yeah, and whos marrige has been on the rocks for a good 3 years (and had a baby in the meantime anyway) think they might be pregnant again. we noticed that she didn't drink at the party last night so my husband asked him what's up and he said he's pretty sure she's pregnant- she hasn't told him and he doesn't want, nor can he afford, anymore kids so he's scared shitless.
way to go- they don't use protection and he refused to get a vasectomy so this is both of their faults- he doesn't want anymore and she said she didn't either but she'd get pregnant just to spite him and etc. they're very weird- if she does announce that she is expecting- i really can't be happy for them. i always listen to her complain about no money & how much her husband is a bad husband and father- my husband lends him money and we make sure that they have certain things that they need all the time. so if they've gone and gotten pregnant again- i really can't be happy for them.

she's also one of my friends that has NO trouble getting pregnant and tells me that i must be doing something wrong because i'm not pregnant yet. it's irks me but i never say anything. ugh- i seriously hope she's not (but i'm almost positive that she is because after hearing that news toda i remember a conversation about birth control & abortion & pregnancy that we had the other night) because it'll probably crush me. i don't know why poor people in bad relashionships have no trouble getting knocked up but us stable people wh actually like each other and want a baby, can't. it's not fair.

blah- lame. anyway.
i'm still thankful for everything that we've been given this year and i know it's all in God's time that we will aquire the things that we pray for.

snow days

i love getting sent home from work, because it's snowing, and still get paid. that's super.

i hate that my period is totally kicking my ass this month. lame.
i also hate that my stupid brother is causing a bunch of family dram-rama with his "i'm getting maried- oh wait, no i'm not getting married" crap. also lame.

hmmm- there is also a lot of drama going on, on the botb & gp boards tonight. tsk tsk ladies. no good. it must be drama day.

i'm off to watch CSI. NOICE!

babies everywhere

my church had this little "shin dig" thing this weekend, so on saturday i went with my husband and our friends and their two children- ok fun. we get there and my friend (who i haven't seen in a couple months) let's us know that she is pregnant with her 6th kid! they have 5 boys already- and this was a WOOPS! i'm happy for them- but seriously, come on! i also bump into a good friend that i grew up with, whom i also haven't seen in a little while, and she askes me when we're planning on having a baby. she already has a 2 1/2 year old and had NO trouble getting pregnant (in fact no one in her family does) meh! i don't know.

and then to top off the baby weekend- i have been babysitting for these 3 little girls for almost 10 years now (since the first one was born) so i babysat them this weekend along with 2 more little girls that are friends of theirs whom i have babysat for before- well when the 2 other little girls are being dropped off i notice that their mom is about 6-7 months pregnant. they're having another girl. what is UP with all these pregnant ladies and babies and EVERYTHING!?

and i'm pretty sure i'm not pregnant- my period is due by tomorrow or thursday and she's on her way. bitches! ah well. all in His time.

God bless.

damn dreams

i had a dream last night that i was pregnant.
that would be nice.
for realz.


amen.

happy birthday

p.s. my amish friendship bread came out AWESOME! i already ate a piece. it's wicked good!

today is my husband's birthday, and tomorrow is his mother's- so we're going over to his parents in 30min to celebrate...again- we went out to dinner last night with them & his brother, his fiance & her son- but that was more for him than her- this is all for her.

so in honor of their births: i just finished making this tiramisu cake. i think it came out rather well. i cut out the letters & everything. i'm pleased- and can't wait to show it off so his family can oooh & awww. i'm such an attention slut. hehe!

i'm also waiting on it to snow...come on already! i want to stay home tomorrow!

that's all. happy 28th birthday brandon! love you!

thank you God that even though it's wicked cold out- we are safe & warm.

friday

thank GOD! this week sucked. i love sat. & sun. amen.

moving on: i'm once again in the 2ww. how i love this exciting time. knowing that there is nothing i can do anymore- i'm either pregnant or i'm not. i just have to wait two whole weeks to find out. at least i'll know before christmas.
http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/1c360d

sunday is brandon's birthday- so i think i need to find him at least one more gift. asjkalf! he's so hard to buy for sometimes. meh.

i need to go "mush" my amish friendship bread.

Please God, let this be our month! PLEASE!!!!! thanks!

fertility friend

FF gave me crosshairs- not even dotted ones- full on crosshairs.
um....no!
i think i would know if i ovulated or not.
good GOD!

gross

my dog's breath smells like dirty ass.
probably because he licks his butt so much.


so i gave him one of those new icebreakers dissolvable mint packets- and now his breath is no longer so offensive.


also: i should be ovulating within the next couple of days. my opk was negative today- but it'll probably be + tomorrow. if i was a super hardcore TTCer i'd have sex tonight- but let's be real. i'm tired.
we had sex sunday morning- 3 days should be a good amount of time for my husband's sperminators to gear themselves up for battle against my hostile vagina.
Godspeed sperm-men. Godspeed.

Jesus is definately the reason for this holiday season.

back to work

today i see myself sitting here, at my desk, doing nothing all. day. long.
this "going back to work after four days off" thing is not working out for me. ugh. the only bright side to coming back is that i was able to pass out my christmas cards. i love being the first one.

i made rice krispie treats last night and this morning they're a little hard. too bad those things are never as good the next day. i'm eating them anyways. at 8 o'clock in the morning. awesome.

in other news:
this weekend i bought new bedding- it is the most comfortable bedding in the world. i've decided that sleeping is now my favorite thing to do. i can't wait to go home and do that.

also when i get home i have to pee on a stick- just an opk but a stick all the same. i don't think there'll be a :) today but i'm expecting it within the next 2-3 days so yeah. i've been drinking green tea and sucking down robitussen (wal-tussen really) and i usually have ewcm anyway- but i have a lot more and i'm hoping it thins out. i wiped last night and there was this amazing glob of it. no matter how often i see it, i'm still struck by how nasty it looks. and by nasty i mean cooool. i'm so gross. i wicked want to post a picture of it- just to freak people out. nice.

meh- anyway. i have to go and attempt to do some work at least.

thank you God for allowing me to live & breath for another day.

happy thanksgiving

hmm- thanksgiving was wonderful. we went to his parents yesterday & mine today. tons of turkey & mashed potatoes & cranberry sauce & desserts. i made a pumpkin roll and it came out rather well:

aaaalso, we got our christmas tree today! my husband thinks it's to early, but whatever. i love how it smells and looks and i just LOVE IT! i had him put the lights on and i decorated. it looks so cute:

i love the holidays!

i thank God for all of the blessings He has bestowed upon me & my loved ones.

amen.

first snowfall

it snowed today.
i like snow: what i don't like is when people drive like they've never seen it before.
how annoying. boo-yah.

i also made a pan of baklava today:

it looks amazing- i pretty much can't wait to eat it. mmm.

Lord, i thank you for anther day.

working late

i have to work the 11:30a.m-8:30p.m. shift this week. i was smart and chose thanksgiving week because we get two days off. i'm a genious. i love myself.

but, it's pretty boring- all of our eastern & central time clients are gone- and there are no more mountain & pacific time calls left- so that leaves me with nothing to do for another 2 hours. nothing that is except for post here, read the nest, and listen to my iPod. i'm so cool.

i could have worked from home- but then i'd just be distracted by my husband & my dog- though being distracted would be a welcome reprive from my current boredom. Lordy! maybe i'll work from home tomorrow- this huge empty building is a little creeptastic. meh.

in other news- my period is almost done and from there i can just concentrate on when i'll be ovulating; more so on making sure we stay awake to have sex. i know when the big "O" will be going down- i just don't want to miss our chance. it's to bad my husband and i aren't crazy sex fiends- then we'd never tire of all this sexual activity.
but i'm doing well- plenty of green tea & pnv's. i'm even going to go for the Robittusen this month. who KNEW it would take all this crap to get knocked up. for real.

crap- a client has just rung. boo yah.

God is love.

food - yum

i just finished making a pan of blueberry buckle. i had to tweak the original recipe just a bit, and i think it looks faaaab. and it smells divine.

my original plan was to make baklava- but alas- phyllo dough must thaw for 5 hours and i forgot to buy some ahead of time- no way in hell am i making baklava at 10p.m. so plan b...

i also decided to make some boiled eggs- totally random, but i love them. i could seriously eat like 5 at a time. so good.

in other news, we went to my parents today. my dad is pretty sick because of the cancer-pnemonia-hole in his lung etc. i mean, if that doesn't make you feel like crap then i don't know what would- good Lord. so because my mother has better things to do than cook & clean- i brought over some pasta dishes & other things. i also cleaned the bathroom- it's amazing what 8 people in one house can do to a bathroom. meh!

we talked about things- God, church, people, life etc etc. it's refreshing to talk to my mother. for someone who runs around like a chicken with her head cut off- counseling people, running a church, managing her family & etc. the woman is amazingly calm and put together. that's God. amen.

ah well. i'm going to eat something. getting my period gives me an excuse to eat shit. i need to get pregnant or i'm going to get fat. how ironic.

"But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint" Isaiah 40:31

surprise

i love that my husband goes to pick up his truck, after getting an oil change, and leaves the dealership 5 hours later with a brand new truck.
i mean, i'm happy for him- but really. why can't he just pick up his truck and come home like normal people.

also- i'm now on cycle day 1. awesome. maybe #8 will be the lucky one. maybe not. asjkyhgt!!!!
http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/1c360d

hmmm- we just went grocery shopping, yet we have no food. except fresca- i have an affinity for fresca. and cream puffs. God, i'm so mentally pregnant. bitches!

trust in the Lord and lean not on your own understanding.

oh fun

getting this font the right size is a pain in the ass. but i think i have it now.

it's a rainy friday. i love fridays and i love rain so all in all, this should be a good day. (except that i'm at work. but that's neither here not there)

however- my ever faithful monthly friend was supposed to show up today, and she has not. now considering the fact that i would love to be pregnant, this might be considered a good thing. but alas- several negative pregnancy tests sit in my bathroom trash at home. mocking me. bitches!

i never though getting pregnant would take so much thought and planning.

this is what we're looking at here:

Cycle # 7 off birth control (been off since may)

Cycle # 4 charting (actively started charting in aug)

i have very regular periods and a 12 day lp. yet here i sit- still not knocked up. damnit!

i thought this might be our month- my temps stayed up and i had no spotting...but the pregnancy test window is "you're not pregnant" white as white can be. and now my body is preparing for AF's stay- i mean usually the bitch starts moving in two days ahead of time, making me well aware of her impending arrival. but this month- i don't know. it feels like she can't decided wether she wants to visit me or...?

and while i am OVERJOYED for all the lovely Nest ladies that are getting knocked up right & left- it really doesn't help. especially when the ones that have been trying for all of 1 or 2 cycles end up getting a BFP at like, 8 or 9 dpo. i'm very envious of their obviously fertile wombs & husbands with sniper sperm.

oh well, all in God's time right???

God is good, and His love endures forever.

amen.